Author Spinning Head Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 A long night and day of dealing with this mess. I ignored his calls and texts today. Here's a text from him . . ."my heart is heavy knowing how I hurt you . . . maybe we can get past this and our love could be even deeper?" Really? How does that work?! I know that I need to end his involvment in my life. I have absolutely no faith that he will not continue to cheat over and over and over. And, lie over and over. He's done it for twenty years at this point. He has no remorse for what he's done. In fact, he stated last night that just because he is on a dating site doesn't mean that he wants to date someone. That makes no sense - why even be on the site? Why even create the possibility of cheating? His response - it was stupidity on his part. It didn't mean anything. Regardless of the 'you reap what you sow' comments, it does hurt. Not only does it hurt, I'm angry at myself for believing things would be different with me.
flying Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 A long night and day of dealing with this mess. I ignored his calls and texts today. Here's a text from him . . ."my heart is heavy knowing how I hurt you . . . maybe we can get past this and our love could be even deeper?" Really? How does that work?! I know that I need to end his involvment in my life. I have absolutely no faith that he will not continue to cheat over and over and over. And, lie over and over. He's done it for twenty years at this point. He has no remorse for what he's done. In fact, he stated last night that just because he is on a dating site doesn't mean that he wants to date someone. That makes no sense - why even be on the site? Why even create the possibility of cheating? His response - it was stupidity on his part. It didn't mean anything. Regardless of the 'you reap what you sow' comments, it does hurt. Not only does it hurt, I'm angry at myself for believing things would be different with me. I suspect this is the part that's hardest to let go of...you've put it so much time, energy, etc. etc. that it's hard to think that it's not going to work out with him. You believed it, and you made a mistake. Seriously, I get it - OUCH. But wounded pride and years of investment and heartache are not a good enough reason to stay in a clearly toxic relationship that only promises more wounded pride and heartache for the future. Just think about it. I'm not saying "you're reaping what you're sowing." I'm just saying that you know better, and you're trying to figure out how NOT to know what you know. Stop fighting the truth...it can be very freeing. Just let go of this guy and free yourself.
Mimolicious Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Yes, you are correct. And no, I didn't miss it. I remember her story. I remember replying to her back then in fact. Perhaps I should have said "fOW who became the GF whom he cheated on"? Nah...BS sums it up nicely. Anything else to add? Well, I don't recall her ever getting MARRIED to him to be called his "spouse" either. Pretty out of context there... Anyway, the end results= THE SAME! This guy doesn't even respect himself, not going to respect anyone else. He'll close and reopen as many dating site accounts as he wishes. Talk is cheap but very expensive to the one who falls for his yap.
NoIDidn't Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Wow, so he had this dating site membership even when he was dating you?
fooled once Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 It's been almost one year since I posted about my situation. I thought my relationship with former MM was going well. He separated from his W in April 2009. They resolved all issues stemming from the dissolution of their marriage. They have little contact with each other at this point. MM and I live just over an hour away. We see each other every weekend and usually once during the week. He usually travels to my house. He has been with me to all family events. He has a good relationship with my children. In fact, the past two weekends he has attended family birthdays. We have taken trips together. He has planned a trip for us next month. He talked to me this weekend about things to do while on the trip. In a nutshell, the relationship seems to be moving forward to the point we've discussed several times of sharing a future together. So, I was stunned when I discovered today that MM is on a dating site. He has his photo posted, states that he is looking for a woman to share his life with, to have someone to travel with, etc. I figured out the password and found out that the post is two weeks old. He's been e-mailing women, exchanging photos, etc. I also found a post that he placed on another site. I realize that I was the OW and, I guess, I'm getting what I deserve. However, it does hurt tremendously. And, I am a complete fool to think that I was any different than any other woman or that he truly had feelings for me. The above bolded areas are where I got that you hacked into something of his. I guess I don't understand why you are even trying to decide to continue. He has shown you repeatedly he doesn't respect you nor is worthy of your love. If you agree to continue, he knows he has a green light to continue to behave this way, he just has to be more careful with how he does it. Move on with your life and get rid of the garbage. You do deserve better.
sadintexas Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 He has saboatoged every relationship in his life with lies that hurt and broken trust. And he continues to do so...I'm so sorry that this has happened. Although it's hard to do now, realize what a blessing it is that you've been given another opportunity to see his true colors.
sadintexas Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Am I missing something? I told him that he's obviously looking for something that is lacking in our relationship. Why take the time to join a site, post photos, fill out a profile that states you are looking for a long term relationship and wants to share the future with a woman? He stated that he reopened the account today. Apparently, it was an account that had been opened previously, he closed it, then reopened. I commented that that made things even worse. At this point, I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. I don't see how I ever will. Good for you. You shouldn't believe anything he says. You said when you looked at his profile the post was from two weeks ago, yet he says he just reopened it today? That doesn't add up. But of course, he's not aware that you hacked into his profile so why wouldn't he lie about it? (sarcasm) There's not something missing between the two of you. There's something missing in HIM. He's baiting other women with the "looking for someone to spend his life with". He already had you. He's wanting more side action and is willing to lie to them too to do it. What a sad man. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this.
BB07 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Just wanted to chime in and say that I'm sorry SH.....hang in there and be tough, don't get sucked back into it. You deserve better.
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