Sadcakesleo Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 (edited) Jus need some quick advice.my ex and i broke up 7 months ago.she is dating someone now.a few days ago she took me out to dinner for my bday and spent like 100 dollars.i kind of blew it at the end n we got into a fight.i know i should stay nc but is sending flowers to her work thanking her and apologizing for that night a no-no. I never done anything like that in the 5 yrs we were together.shes stressing out so i figured it would bring a smile to her and at the same time show her im thankful for the dinner that should have not happened.any advice soon would be helpful. Edited August 9, 2010 by Sadcakesleo
USMCHokie Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I would veto the flower idea. It's not your job or your place to "bring a smile" to her face... Why did she take you out to dinner anyway...? Sounds a little sketch to me... You know what the best way to thank her for dinner is...? At the end of the night you saw her, say, "thanks for dinner." Then disappear and go back to NC...
Feelin Frisky Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Some folk, male or female, seem to feel the need to keep a window open to the past. In a way its them asserting power to boost their own ego that they can still pull your strings and manipulate you to dance their tune even though they are with someone else. It's really a sign of their weakness and not their strength--it's self serving. You wound up having a fight after all and now its got you second-guessing yourself. Sometimes things have to end badly in order for them to really end so perhaps the fight was a good thing to leave in place as is.
Beeotch Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I don't see the problem with you sending apology flowers... You already contacted her by going out to dinner, so if you have something to apologize for, I don't see why you shouldn't do it. Send her the flowers to clear your conscience for whatever you think you did wrong. If you're not over her though, you should leave it at that and not try to hang out with her and all this extra stuff anymore.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 so i decided against sending the flowers. I know she is stressing that she has to give her car back and now she doesn't have a car. So I sent her a text thanking her for dinner and that I appreciate it and to smile and keep your head up. she texted back saying she was sad. I told her not to be, the car situation will work itself out and just be lucky for what you have. she texted back saying she was sad about that but she was sad about me. I didn't respond and she texted that she can't stop crying. I haven't responded. I don't really know what to say. I love her and miss her so much but I know she has a man now and even it did work out I don't know if I could ever get past that. Too much damage has been done. I do love her and I do want to be with her but I have to move on.I'm sure she's just feeling down and will feel better soon enough that I won't matter once again that is why I won't respond.
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Yeah, she really needs to suck it up and get over it. She dumped you, so you have no position to help her 'feel better'. Where was she when you were hurting? Enough said.
hopesndreams Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 she is dating someone now No flowers. No more dinners. She has a bf. She can get flowers and go out to dinner with her bf. Do you want her to cheat on her bf with you? Niiiiiiice.
D-Lish Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 As long as she is dating someone else, she has no business telling you she is crying over you, nor should she have any expectations that you are a shoulder to lean on when she's upset about something. She dumped you? No more contact.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 thnx guys for the advice.It's been real helpful. I think that after trying to run away from the pain for so long. It finally got to her 7 months later. It is nice to know shes is feeling some of the things I felt all these months but its sad too because I want to be there and pick her up.Most of the break up was my fault. I neglected her and wanted other woman.we lived together and the last few months I slept on the couch for no reason other than I wanted my own space. I lost myself for awhile and needed to find what I wanted. As for her man, technically they are not together, just dating and getting to know each other. She always tries to give me info about them but I refuse to know anything about him.I feel a little better knowing that it has affected her but at the same time I know she is just going through a phase and I hope I am strong when this phase ends and shes back to her old ways.
D-Lish Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I hope I am strong when this phase ends and shes back to her old ways. Well after hearing a little more, it seems as if she made the right choice- you can't deny that she has. If you wanted other women, and went so far as to sleep on the couch to deny her intimacy- she's probably better off with a guy that can give her a commitment. It sounds like you only want her back because she has found someone else. It's not her old ways that should be in question, it's yours.
Author Sadcakesleo Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 @d-lish-your right, i'm not denying she made a good choice.I WAS in a bad place. I let myself go physically and mentally.I believe it was the depressants I was taking. It was making me numb to any type of emotions. I didn't mean I wanted other girls, I meant I wanted to feel wanted by somebody because I felt she didn't. She went out a lot with her friends without me and even though on the surface I was ok with it. I resented her slowly for it. I am not mad she moved on,the break up wasn't out of nowhere. I understand where,how and why it went wrong.It does suck that I have pretty much got my stuff together mentally and physically and emotionally and it's too late. I really don't know what to do. I want to right all the wrongs I did with her but at the same time I know that the damage is probably already done. My problem is do I be there for her now since I was never there for her before and make the process of moving on slower for me? or do I be an a-hole and ignore her texts and calls?
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