whitesnow Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I dont know where to start but I need some advice right now... Currently I am 7 mos pregnant with my child and unemployed. MY boyfriend of 4 years is married but has started processing his annulment just recently. He got married 2002 and he and his wife seperated after 9 mos of marriage. We met around 2006 and we hit it off immediately. We were inseparable and everything was going great. However, we are opposites in a lot of things. We argue a lot even in simple little things. We argue about food, how to eat, money, jealousy.. name it ... we always find a reason not to agree on things. I can't seem to trust him. After 3 years, it hit me that our relationship is going nowhere, despite having my own apartment, he refuses to move in with me. I felt like he is immature in so many ways. I felt that I was always at the last of his priorities. So I decided to go home to my parents for a while and I like the peace. I somehow realize how peaceful it is without him and it seems that I was contented to continue my life at home. I was back on track with my career, doing some trainings, I made plans to go abroad to forget him and move on with my life. After 6 mos of separation, he followed me home and ask for forgiveness and promised to process annulment and move in together. He promised that he will change for the better and make me his priority. I accepted him and after a month I got pregnant. Due to some financial constrain and me not being able to work because of my pregnancy, we moved in to his parents house. His mom was okay at first but she saw that we constantly fight, she even tells me that I should assess our situation very well and it seems we are incompatible. She asked me to moved out of her house. So, me and my bf decided that its best for me to go home again to my parents house until I can deliver the baby and then perhaps I can find a job so we can have our own place. Rent an apartment. I am home now and although the first few months are quite hard, especially that I feel so attached to my bf and pregnancy makes me more sensitive emotionally. Plus the fact that I am depressed with my situation, no job, not married, no money... Right now our relationship is rocky. We still argue in almost everything even if we are miles away. Both of our parents are against now on our relationship because it seems that we dont get along, we have unstable jobs, he is still married. His annulment is on the process but will take a long time 8 mos. My baby will be an illegitimate child. I think both of us are staying in this relationship because of the baby. Any advice please... Thanks in advance.
sally4sara Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I dont know where to start but I need some advice right now... Currently I am 7 mos pregnant with my child and unemployed. MY boyfriend of 4 years is married but has started processing his annulment just recently. He got married 2002 and he and his wife seperated after 9 mos of marriage. We met around 2006 and we hit it off immediately. We were inseparable and everything was going great. However, we are opposites in a lot of things. We argue a lot even in simple little things. We argue about food, how to eat, money, jealousy.. name it ... we always find a reason not to agree on things. I can't seem to trust him. After 3 years, it hit me that our relationship is going nowhere, despite having my own apartment, he refuses to move in with me. I felt like he is immature in so many ways. I felt that I was always at the last of his priorities. So I decided to go home to my parents for a while and I like the peace. I somehow realize how peaceful it is without him and it seems that I was contented to continue my life at home. I was back on track with my career, doing some trainings, I made plans to go abroad to forget him and move on with my life. After 6 mos of separation, he followed me home and ask for forgiveness and promised to process annulment and move in together. He promised that he will change for the better and make me his priority. I accepted him and after a month I got pregnant. Due to some financial constrain and me not being able to work because of my pregnancy, we moved in to his parents house. His mom was okay at first but she saw that we constantly fight, she even tells me that I should assess our situation very well and it seems we are incompatible. She asked me to moved out of her house. So, me and my bf decided that its best for me to go home again to my parents house until I can deliver the baby and then perhaps I can find a job so we can have our own place. Rent an apartment. I am home now and although the first few months are quite hard, especially that I feel so attached to my bf and pregnancy makes me more sensitive emotionally. Plus the fact that I am depressed with my situation, no job, not married, no money... Right now our relationship is rocky. We still argue in almost everything even if we are miles away. Both of our parents are against now on our relationship because it seems that we dont get along, we have unstable jobs, he is still married. His annulment is on the process but will take a long time 8 mos. My baby will be an illegitimate child. I think both of us are staying in this relationship because of the baby. Any advice please... Thanks in advance. Your baby, I promise, will legitimately be a child. Legitimacy is a crock and counts for nothing if you don't buy into it. You can still seek out the training you wanted and further your education and career. It will actually be easier as a single mother than a miserably married mother. Do what you can to better you and your child's lives; if the fella is worth having - he will figure out how to fit in to the plan. If not - you are probably better off without him. Why did he do nothing about legally ending his marriage until now? Married - then 9 months later he wants out; it sure sounds like they were not compatible either.
Author whitesnow Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 He can't give me an answer why he didn't process it before. Now we're having a baby... He had some savings enough for the annulment. Like I said, I have always felt I was last in his priority and it's hard for him to make decisions. We fight and argue in almost everything, like manner in washing dishes, cleaning the house, cooking. I know it sounds silly but these are the things we argue most. He doesn't agree on how I do things esp household chores.. I dont agree with him postponing our plans, he always wants to be safe, he wont take risk, make quick decisions.. I told him we are hopeless with one another. Despite the fact that we argue, he doesn't want to break off the relationship. I felt the same way but we always clash.. and it leads to bad arguments, shouting, and it doesn't feel good at all. I know I hurt him with my words too. Can you please advise me how to adjust to your partner when you two are so opposites..
cookie2 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Married - then 9 months later he wants out; it sure sounds like they were not compatible either. I'm in the same situation... my wife had an affair 9 months after marrying me. But until this happened we were very compatible, and at the time of the marriage it was what we both wanted. But to get an annulment rather than a divorce means a very specific criteria has to be fulfilled. I, for example, could not get one; I have to get a divorce. I think it is quite important that you find out how he is eligible for an annulment rather than a divorce. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annulment It really doesn't sound like you are very compatible with your partner, though. So as S4S says, better for your child to have a happy single mother than a miserable married one. If you want to be with your partner, be with him for him, not for the child. Being with him for the child will not work in the long run.
Beeotch Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 You already know the answer to this question..... Think about this: If your marriage fails or is a hot mess down the road, would you honestly be surprised? Or will you be like "Damn it, I just knewwww I shouldn't have done this" I love this quote: Sometimes you walk into things, that, if you were paying attention, vibrationally, you would know right from the beginning that it wasn't what you are wanting. In most cases, your initial knee-jerk response was a pretty good indicator of how it was going to turn out later. The things that give most of you the most grief are those things that initially you had a feeling response about, but then you talked yourself out of it for one reason or another. --- Abraham With that being said...it is ofcourse hard to remove yourself from a situation you are accustomed to (even when it is not the best, such as in this case) and ofcourse having a child on top of it makes it harder. But think of what will be better for you and your child in the long run. The baby isn't born yet, you guys can separate and LOVE the child without being together versus bringing this baby into an unhappy, dysfunctional home. Get your family to support you and find your inner strength and think about your child, get child support and all that is necessary from your bf but don't worry about being with him romantically. I know a lot of times we feel as though we have no options, but it is an illusion, we ALWAAAAAAYS have options once we step aside to consider it.
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