GF broke up with me yesterday, says she fell out of love

[collegeguy_24]

Well, yesterday my GF broke up with me. She said she still cares about me, but she no longer loves me. This crushed me, especially since things appeared to be going so well. Her relative from Germany came to visit two weeks ago, and my ex told her, and me to my face, that she can see us together a year from now.

 

In private my ex even said it. I took her to a big bad voodoo daddies concert, one of her favorite bands, and she had a really good time, the next morning we saw Toy Story 3. She was all smiles and kissed me, then out of no where I get a call saying she wanted to meet, and then she dropped the bomb when I met her.

 

She told me I am sweet, caring, and I shouldn't change who I am, but even she doesn't know what she wants anymore. She was working on a research project for school, and she lied to me, telling me she was still working on it, when in reality she finished it a week ago. She was just to afraid to talk to me.

 

She told me she lost her feelings of love about a month ago, when she first went to see her grandparents in Wyoming. She held on to hoping she could change her mind and her heart. But she couldn't, so she let me go.

 

I did tell her though, that I am willing to seek relationship counselling, but the offer won't be open forever. and I even told her that we can still be friends, as when we first started dating she said that if we ever broke up we could try to be friends.

 

She was on facebook for an hour this morning, changed her relationship status to single, but kept me as a friend. I hope that is a good sign that we can be friends.

 

I will not deny, when she told me, i felt used, and strung along, and i yelled, and got upset, and she broke down crying. I later sent an email apologizing for my behavior, and I extended an olive branch and told her I am working to forgive her, because it is unhealthy for me to hold onto this anger. I haven't received a response, and I plan to go NC for now.

 

I don't know how I can cope with this, i attach easily and my heart was just broken. I am just glad theres a thread here for that. I also plan to give up on dating for a while, give up on sex, give up on it all. This is two failures in a row and it hurts me. Thank you all for reading this.

[USMCHokie]

I'm sorry this happened to you...but you cannot continue to be her friend...remove and block her from Facebook...delete the number from your phone and cut off contact with her...no contact is the way to go, especially if you still have such strong feelings for her...it's not fair for you that she still gets to be your friend while you don't get to be her boyfriend...

 

I can safely assume that both of you are young...young people tend to not be able to stay in real meaningful relationships because they crave the chemical feelings associated with new relationships and honeymoon phases...all that crap about her "falling out of love" is just her way of rationalizing her need for those new lovey dovey feelings again...simply put, she just wants some strange...younger folks are often too immature to understand that lifelong relationships are more than just a chemical high...

 

Put your olive branch away...there is no benefit to you being "nice" to her...don't be anything to her...live your own life and let yourself heal...forget all that nonsense about "forgiving her"...you're going to make me ...don't turn into a wimp, but at the same time, don't become bitter...breakups happen just as often as relationships do...it's just a part of life...but rest assured that things will get better...

[collegeguy_24]

I am finding it hard to do, as I think she would be good friend to have, I have seen people be friends with their ex's all the time. But right now it is hard.

 

I also just came back from therapy session, as I do have a number of issues to deal with, and while I was there I also talked about my past relationships. I think it will be of a good help, especially since its all linked to my other issues.

[Thierro]

I second what Hokie is saying. Your story sounds very similar to mine, buddy.

 

I don’t think it’s a good thing to stay friends with her either. I don’t think any good can come from it because of the way you feel. She checked out emotionally but you are still in the same place and heart state.

 

Staying friends with her will only hurt you. You need your own space far away from her to reframe your life and rebuild everything.

 

We are there for you.

[bonpaw2008]

I am finding it hard to do, as I think she would be good friend to have, I have seen people be friends with their ex's all the time. But right now it is hard.

 

I also just came back from therapy session, as I do have a number of issues to deal with, and while I was there I also talked about my past relationships. I think it will be of a good help, especially since its all linked to my other issues.

 

You see exes that are friends, you are looking at one of them in agony pining away waiting for their second chance. I know this is rough buddy but we are here to get you through it. Glad that you are going to therapy, this is a really good sign that you are going to get through this.

 

She would not be a good friend to have because you will pine for her, plus she quit you, why would you want a friend that quit you??

 

Read everything you can on this site, it really helps, get the NC guide, you can do this....

[collegeguy_24]

Even though I want her as friend, I am also doing the NC thing for a while. I told her so during the break up, and while I did yell at her, I broke NC temporarily to apologize for yelling and acting out of control, as that was uncalled for on my part. I am currently going 13 hours of NC, and I hope to continue it unless she contacts me.

 

The therapy really seems like it might be able to help, and I hope to continue. THanks for being here for me, I will need your help for the next couple days at least, cause this is all very hard for me.

[USMCHokie]

Even though I want her as friend, I am also doing the NC thing for a while. I told her so during the break up, and while I did yell at her, I broke NC temporarily to apologize for yelling and acting out of control, as that was uncalled for on my part. I am currently going 13 hours of NC, and I hope to continue it unless she contacts me.

 

Fail. You will continue NC even if she tries to contact you. There is really no reason for you to speak to her anymore. Also, you absolutely cannot adopt the attitude that you're doing the NC thing "for a while." NC is forever. Until you accept that, you cannot begin to move on and heal.

[Username37]

When she contacts. Stay NC. What they will tell you will only set you back.

 

It's best to stay silent.

You can break NC when you have NOTHING left for you ex.

[D-Lish]

I am finding it hard to do, as I think she would be good friend to have, I have seen people be friends with their ex's all the time. But right now it is hard.

 

I also just came back from therapy session, as I do have a number of issues to deal with, and while I was there I also talked about my past relationships. I think it will be of a good help, especially since its all linked to my other issues.

 

People are only able to maintain a friendly relationship with their ex when they are completely over them. If you are still in love with the girl, it's not in your best interest to remain friendly with her.

 

No more olive branches, no more confessions that you are willing to wait for her, you have to move on. You won't heal if you don't.

 

A person in your position will only remain friends with an ex because you are hoping to reconcile. You have to treat the break up as a break up, or it's not going to work in your favour.

 

Being friends with her means you'll have to deal with her dating other men- is that something you think you can handle?

[Green]

Why do you want to be her friend? You should block her on facebook so you can stop thinking about her. Really this entire WANTING to be her "friend" will only hurt you.

[D-Lish]

Why do you want to be her friend? You should block her on facebook so you can stop thinking about her. Really this entire WANTING to be her "friend" will only hurt you.

 

Agreed, it's not realistic to believe a friendship immediately following a heartbreak is healthy or beneficial to either party.

[Green]

Agreed, it's not realistic to believe a friendship immediately following a heartbreak is healthy or beneficial to either party.

 

I don't believe in ever being friends with an ex. This guys unromantic take it or leave it attitude helped put him where he is.

 

If my gf broke up with me I would not be like "we can still be friends" I would be like "I'm just going to have to get you out of my mind so goodbye forever"

[collegeguy_24]

This is proving to be hard, but I am getting there. Its pretty obvious I have to move on, I can't say hung up on her forever. I am willing to be friends with her, but only after I have moved on. My life and emotional state must come first.

 

She broke NC this morning by emailing me, saying she does hope friendship can happen, but space apart is needed first. But before that I have to come over to her place to pick up some things, some really expensive things.

 

And I also have a question for the people here. My friends have been really supportive, but they are divided on the issue.

 

One side says I need to stop with relationships for a while, since my last two ones ended horribly, and that I should just have sex with people, like one night stands or friends with benefits.

 

ANother side of my friends say I should give up dating completely for a while, until I find the one person I am really interested in and take my shot of asking her out.

 

Which one should I follow in your opinions, especially since I received an offer for no strings attached sex already. Should I take it up, or is it to soon? I don't know anymore.

[bonpaw2008]

This is proving to be hard, but I am getting there. Its pretty obvious I have to move on, I can't say hung up on her forever. I am willing to be friends with her, but only after I have moved on. My life and emotional state must come first.

 

She broke NC this morning by emailing me, saying she does hope friendship can happen, but space apart is needed first. But before that I have to come over to her place to pick up some things, some really expensive things.

 

And I also have a question for the people here. My friends have been really supportive, but they are divided on the issue.

 

One side says I need to stop with relationships for a while, since my last two ones ended horribly, and that I should just have sex with people, like one night stands or friends with benefits.

 

ANother side of my friends say I should give up dating completely for a while, until I find the one person I am really interested in and take my shot of asking her out.

 

Which one should I follow in your opinions, especially since I received an offer for no strings attached sex already. Should I take it up, or is it to soon? I don't know anymore.

 

There is never such a thing as "no strings" and you need to heal. A new romp or whatever you are calling it is only going to keep you from dealing with yourself.....

[Green]

This is proving to be hard, but I am getting there. Its pretty obvious I have to move on, I can't say hung up on her forever. I am willing to be friends with her, but only after I have moved on. My life and emotional state must come first.

 

She broke NC this morning by emailing me, saying she does hope friendship can happen, but space apart is needed first. But before that I have to come over to her place to pick up some things, some really expensive things.

 

And I also have a question for the people here. My friends have been really supportive, but they are divided on the issue.

 

One side says I need to stop with relationships for a while, since my last two ones ended horribly, and that I should just have sex with people, like one night stands or friends with benefits.

 

ANother side of my friends say I should give up dating completely for a while, until I find the one person I am really interested in and take my shot of asking her out.

 

Which one should I follow in your opinions, especially since I received an offer for no strings attached sex already. Should I take it up, or is it to soon? I don't know anymore.

 

Just do what you want. If it were me I would get my stuff back, say that I was sorry how things worked out and that for the sake of my sanity I would be unavailable for a while.

 

I never had a one night stand and it just sounds like a bad idea. I mean it would make me feel dirty and even more alone. Personaly I would try to look at the bright side of being single and try to have some fun which for me would include hitting on LOTS of women and Dancing with them and KISSING them.

[collegeguy_24]

Well, in the past, and currently, I have a hard time talking to women in general. I was lucky with my ex, we connected so well, and since tomorrow I am going to see her to get back somethings, I have questions, and I will get answers. I worked my ass off for this relationship, and I don't think I will be able to move on till I have some answers. Only then, I think, will I be able to move on. But it won't be easy. I am thinking of just giving up women for a while, just give up women, dating, and everything associated with both.

[collegeguy_24]

UPDATE!

 

Well, today I went to my ex's place in the dorms in order to pick up a $300 Air conditioner. Today I talked to her, and asked questions because I wanted clarification. She was willing, as she wanted me to understand why we broke up.

 

I asked her why? I said when she came back from vacation, she couldn't keep her hands off me, and even said to my face, both in private, and in front of her cousin, that she wants us to be dating next summer. I took her to a concert this past Saturday, and she said the same thing, and she did the next morning. I asked her why she got my hopes up only to crash them down.

 

She said she was sorry, that I am the perfect guy, she then lists all that s good about me, and she says right now she is stressed, and unsure. She doesn't know what she wants in a relationship, she says she still cares for me, but she is not sure if she still loves me or not. She also said she felt like she was using me, as I was taking her out and spending money, I was about to help her move to another dorm across campus, and she told me that because she was so unsure about her feelings, she felt like she was using me and felt it best to break up. She told me she needs time alone, as she hasn't been alone for 2 years, jumping from one guy to the next. Because of that, she doesn't know what she wants, so she wants a break to figure herself out. I understand, and accept that.

 

I then ask her if she tried to fix this relationship, cause from my point of view, she did nothing but over think the situation, so I wanted her point of view. She told me that in hindsight, no, she did not do everything, that all she did was bail on me and spend time thinking. I then asked if she would at least, consider relationship counseling. All I want is for her to consider the idea, and she said yes, she will.

 

I then ask her if she told her dad, as her family is coming up here to meet me, and they deserve to know they are not. She said she hasn't told them yet, but she will soon as she is driving down to meet them tomorrow in another state. She even said she will not lie to them, if they ask, she will tell them the details, but if they don't, she will just say she broke up with me, that I was the one who tried to make it work but her uncertainty made her bail without trying.

 

In a dumb move on my part, I said that I still love her, and I am willing to wait, she said thanks, but if the opportunity to move on comes, I should take it, as we can still be friends. I accept, but in an even dumber move, I say I am done for now, I am done with women and dating, as I have had two major breakups that have hurt me in less then a year, and I need a break.

 

She says she is sorry, but then starts to get mad at me and says I am guilt tripping her, just like what her mother did. I said, and in exact quotes,

 

"I am not guilt tripping you and don't you dare compare me to your ****ing mother, not when I have treated you better then she ever has."

 

I then apologize for guilt tripping her and my attitude, cause later looking at it for a minute, I was,, saying it was not my intent, and that I saw this as a last chance to be honest with her. She is still angry and tells me to pick up my stuff to and leave. I get mad at her attitude and say I hope she can look in the mirror after all this.

 

She then helps me move everything to my truck, I apologize for my behavior and say I am thankful she will consider the idea of relationship counseling, and that I still hopes she has a safe journey. She simply says in an angry tone that she said yes, she would consider it. I said that even if we can't repair our romantic relationship, then we can try to be friends. She says she would like that, but we will both need time. I then leave.

 

I wanted to send her an email, apologizing again, but my mom, dad, and brother talked me out of it. They say I need to go No Contact, the ball is in her court now and I wait for her to make the next move. But at the same time not to get my hopes up, but to try and move on, and if she wants to try counseling and to fix things, then I can go for it. But to be prepared that we are done romantically and to move on.

 

I am willing to move on now, I have initiated NC, if she contacts me fine, but I will not contact her unless some sort of emergency arises. I do mean it though, I am done with women and dating for a while if I can't have her. I can't take anymore, I might feel different after a couple of weeks and my feelings have settled down, but at this moment I am done.

 

Also, now that I have answers to my questions, I feel more at peace. But I still think of her, so I need a proper distraction, sadly where I live, there are none that I can afford. Any ideas on that?

[Green]

Work a job to distract you. Or start some project like building a website or something. You can think of something it could be as easy as just watching tv and hanging out with friends.

 

Buy a puppy if you always wanted a dog.

 

Stop talking to her and asking her silly questions. What does it really matter if she was nice to you right before the break up .You can't argue her back into liking you by pointing out how confusing it is to be all lovey with some one before dumping them.

 

Just move on and stop holding out hope for her.

[BiAxident]

She dumped you, out of nowhere, with a poor reason for doing so. There is no reason to talk to this person in the future, not even for an emergency. No investing yourself in this person.

 

As for things you can do to distract yourself, when I was in your situation, I got a library card for the first time in 15 years or so. It may sound lame, but it was a decent distraction that is absolutely free. Better than that, get out and start running (or jogging depending on fitness levels). If you have access to an instrument, that is also a wonderful outlet. Finally, video games can be rather effective at escaping your pain.

[Green]

She dumped you, out of nowhere, with a poor reason for doing so. There is no reason to talk to this person in the future, not even for an emergency. No investing yourself in this person.

 

As for things you can do to distract yourself, when I was in your situation, I got a library card for the first time in 15 years or so. It may sound lame, but it was a decent distraction that is absolutely free. Better than that, get out and start running (or jogging depending on fitness levels). If you have access to an instrument, that is also a wonderful outlet. Finally, video games can be rather effective at escaping your pain.

 

This is some good advice. I remember that when I was 22 I got dumped by my first real gf. I had sucked with women and never thought I would be able to get another pretty gf again. We had only dated a few months but that didn't stop me from crying like a baby and then getting in a bar fight with a guy over her.

 

Eventualy I did many of the above things (library, worked out, videogames) just give it time and it will get easier. But you MUST stop all contact. erase her from your phone. Block her facebook and avoid thinking about her

[collegeguy_24]

I just came back from my therapist. He says I am making good progress in moving on, as now that I have closure I am able to look ahead. He also said I can be optimistic about her saying yes to counseling, but also be prepared for her to say no. I feel I am doing good right now though, thanks for all your support.

 

I have even started working out again, as I am out of shape, not fat, just super skinny, so I am working to get back into shape and to improve my confidence and self-esteem.

 

I did read an interesting article though, and I want some insight on this, from men and women. I got it from askmen.com.

 

It said that what I can do, is if I want to get my ex back or just to improve my confidence and self-esteem, is go on a few micro dates. Which is going out, getting a date, but nothing serious, and do that a few times. It will help me become confidant again and reassure me that I am attractive to the ladies, but at the same time, it can also make my ex jealous.

 

Now if I go the make her jealous route, it will show that I am confidant, I am moving on, and thus make me more desirable to her because I am not down in the dumps. At the same time it helps get my life back together, so even if her and I do not get back together, it will help me move on, and to enjoy my life cause I am 24, I am young and there are still plenty of opportunities out there. SO even if me and my Ex don't get back together, one of those Micro-dates could very possibly turn into something real, or just be a confidence builder.

 

What do you all think about that advice? It sounds plausible, but having different opinions would be useful.

[BiAxident]

I would certainly take advantage of the "micro-dates", not for the sake of trying to make her jealous, but rather simply to move on with your life. In my case, there was no way I would have been able to do that (couldnt have afforded it financially, probably wouldnt have found a date), but it is certainly a good idea.