smk Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Hello everyone, Just thought I would come and spend some time here while I wait for my session... Anyways it has been a pretty weird weekend, a few downs, a few ups, copious amounts of juice, and not as much debauchery as I would have liked but hey ho... Anyways this morning the ex texted a couple of times, and at first I ignored it, and then replied (yes I know not helping myself) that twice I have broken NC in 5 days... Anywho we texted back and forth for a bit, and then she phoned me and I picked up and spoke to her, and all those msgs and the chat with her only did one thing - she actually knocked herself off the pedestal... Yup you heard it right, she successfully managed to knock herself off the pedestal, I just realised that all the texts today and chat all she did was talk about herself, and tried very hard to make herself sounds like someone great, and it was just boring... I thought when I got off the phone that I would be down in the dumps, but I haven't fallen yet, I figured that I am physically too GD tired of feeling like crap, and for what reason should I??? I am not the one having to make my life sound more exciting by going out everyday and making it sound to people like I am someone I am not, I am just living my life the same way I used to before her, yeah I have overdone the juice a little, but other than that I have actually taken positive steps since the break... Anyways just thought I would share that with everyone...
GrayClouds Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Hello everyone, Just thought I would come and spend some time here while I wait for my session... Anyways it has been a pretty weird weekend, a few downs, a few ups, copious amounts of juice, and not as much debauchery as I would have liked but hey ho... Anyways this morning the ex texted a couple of times, and at first I ignored it, and then replied (yes I know not helping myself) that twice I have broken NC in 5 days... Anywho we texted back and forth for a bit, and then she phoned me and I picked up and spoke to her, and all those msgs and the chat with her only did one thing - she actually knocked herself off the pedestal... Yup you heard it right, she successfully managed to knock herself off the pedestal, I just realised that all the texts today and chat all she did was talk about herself, and tried very hard to make herself sounds like someone great, and it was just boring... I thought when I got off the phone that I would be down in the dumps, but I haven't fallen yet, I figured that I am physically too GD tired of feeling like crap, and for what reason should I??? I am not the one having to make my life sound more exciting by going out everyday and making it sound to people like I am someone I am not, I am just living my life the same way I used to before her, yeah I have overdone the juice a little, but other than that I have actually taken positive steps since the break... Anyways just thought I would share that with everyone... It is time to re-read your signature....
Author smk Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 It is time to re-read your signature.... GC - can I take that as a nod of approval that I am moving in the right direction?
bonpaw2008 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 You ..... rock! And I always look at your signature and re-read it and apply it to myself....
HopeLove Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Good you are feeling better. We all eventually will move on. It just take bloody time...
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Hello everyone, Just thought I would come and spend some time here while I wait for my session... Anyways it has been a pretty weird weekend, a few downs, a few ups, copious amounts of juice, and not as much debauchery as I would have liked but hey ho... Anyways this morning the ex texted a couple of times, and at first I ignored it, and then replied (yes I know not helping myself) that twice I have broken NC in 5 days... Anywho we texted back and forth for a bit, and then she phoned me and I picked up and spoke to her, and all those msgs and the chat with her only did one thing - she actually knocked herself off the pedestal... Yup you heard it right, she successfully managed to knock herself off the pedestal, I just realised that all the texts today and chat all she did was talk about herself, and tried very hard to make herself sounds like someone great, and it was just boring... I thought when I got off the phone that I would be down in the dumps, but I haven't fallen yet, I figured that I am physically too GD tired of feeling like crap, and for what reason should I??? I am not the one having to make my life sound more exciting by going out everyday and making it sound to people like I am someone I am not, I am just living my life the same way I used to before her, yeah I have overdone the juice a little, but other than that I have actually taken positive steps since the break... Anyways just thought I would share that with everyone... Hey SMK, Kinda wondered if you'd be havin the breaking nc hangover after running into your ex. Sounds like I might have been right, and I completely understand. I'm on day 3 again, and I need to do this. I know that I would likely respond to her if she did contact me, but I doubt she will after putting the tough questions out there. Questions she fears the most. Glad you have taken her off the pedastal. I kinda did too with her gaining so much weight and how she focused only on how tough this was on her. I would still recommend laying off the sauce. Dang that stuff depresses me so the next day. Hope you're doing better and brace yourself for the breaking nc hangover that's going to come. I'm trying to do the same.
Author smk Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 @BP - thank you... I loved that signature it's perfect... @hope - yeah I know - time is the answer... I think I figured out what's been setting me back - I had te feeling that if I moved on I was giving up, and then it just hit home, what exactly am I giving up on? Nothing. The relationship is gone, it was once their but it isn't, I was holding onto thin air, and something that ceased to be 8 weeks ago... When I spoke to her today it felt as though she actually pushed me away - all she did was talk about herself, and for the first time I saw that she her views are not the same as mine... She talked about things that she told me despised doing, she was going on and on about things and trying to make herself look better and I just listened... After a while I got bored.... @hpd - dude how are you??? Yeah I know I couldn't maintain it, but you know what I don't feel that bad today... I guess today I couldn't be bothered to feel like crap... Let's see how Breaking nc hangover goes... Lol.... Went to the therapist today and even she was impressed at the progress I am making, and you know what I am not afraid to let go... The longer I hold onto the idea of her the longer it will take me to meet the next great girl in my life and I want to meet her so I need to get my act together... Had a bet with my friends who said that if I stay of the juice till after my run in October they will sponsor £100 for my charity so theirs my motivation to stay off the juice...
GrayClouds Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 GC - can I take that as a nod of approval that I am moving in the right direction? Over all you are, but you have been putting EX into the narrative a bit to much of late.
Author smk Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Over all you are, but you have been putting EX into the narrative a bit to much of late. I know and duly noted - still getting there slowly I think and feel.. Am coping a little bit better than before, and the downs aren't as bad - still intense but not really bad...
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 @BP - thank you... I loved that signature it's perfect... @hope - yeah I know - time is the answer... I think I figured out what's been setting me back - I had te feeling that if I moved on I was giving up, and then it just hit home, what exactly am I giving up on? Nothing. The relationship is gone, it was once their but it isn't, I was holding onto thin air, and something that ceased to be 8 weeks ago... When I spoke to her today it felt as though she actually pushed me away - all she did was talk about herself, and for the first time I saw that she her views are not the same as mine... She talked about things that she told me despised doing, she was going on and on about things and trying to make herself look better and I just listened... After a while I got bored.... @hpd - dude how are you??? Yeah I know I couldn't maintain it, but you know what I don't feel that bad today... I guess today I couldn't be bothered to feel like crap... Let's see how Breaking nc hangover goes... Lol.... Went to the therapist today and even she was impressed at the progress I am making, and you know what I am not afraid to let go... The longer I hold onto the idea of her the longer it will take me to meet the next great girl in my life and I want to meet her so I need to get my act together... Had a bet with my friends who said that if I stay of the juice till after my run in October they will sponsor £100 for my charity so theirs my motivation to stay off the juice... Well homeboy, Today has been a tough day. You'd have to follow my thread, but I'm sure I'm sucking up a lot of clouds energy today. I've found that the break nc hangover is in full effect today and it will only get worse. Glad your doing well though and I've got to get more positive thoughts flowin I think... Just a huge hangover from last week. Glad to hear things are lookin up for you though man! Congrats!
Author smk Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 @ HPD - yeah I have been following it through and GC has some great pointers... You really need to think positive thoughts and positive thoughs of you... This really helped me - I pictured where I would like to be in 6 months, I pictured not being "hungover" on the ex, I pictures me moving on and living my life, living a life over which I had full control, and living a life that didn't need to be validated by someone else and each time I fall I channel all my energies on that thought... Let's see how the "hangover" hits me - lol... I will keep you posted... Hang in there buddy and one day soon you will just be too GD tired to let it bring you down...
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 @ HPD - yeah I have been following it through and GC has some great pointers... You really need to think positive thoughts and positive thoughs of you... This really helped me - I pictured where I would like to be in 6 months, I pictured not being "hungover" on the ex, I pictures me moving on and living my life, living a life over which I had full control, and living a life that didn't need to be validated by someone else and each time I fall I channel all my energies on that thought... Let's see how the "hangover" hits me - lol... I will keep you posted... Hang in there buddy and one day soon you will just be too GD tired to let it bring you down... I'm tryin man, I'm tryin... I just don't know where I will be in 6 months, and as far as not being hung up on the ex or any of that. She just really got her hooks into me. All that stuff sounds good, but I need to learn how to put it into practice. I seriously wish that you don't experience the hangover. It is not a fun thing, at least from where I'm sittin. Just want to hear her voice so badly. It's like we ended on a sour note now. Holy, I can't get much more tired than this. I just want it to be OVER with...
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