Never going to be the one..PAINFUL

[9Lives]

You know 9lives, I perused your extensive history here on LS.

And I don;t think there is ANYTHING ANYONE can say to help you. Some problems REQUIRE professional help - and yours is one.

 

You have been writing this SAME post for at least a year before I stopped browsing.

 

Quit LS, its done you ZERO good.

Find a good IC and begin that pronto.

 

Good luck..I really have nothing to say that you haven't been reading for a year now so I won't waste your time or mine aside from what I have said.

 

JW, this has been going on for a long time so yeah you could go digging around and find alot of history. Im not denying that. If you are fed up, Im fine with that too. You dont have to respond.

 

I know I have a problem and I know that I need help. I know I have gotten myself into a situation that is bigger than me and not easy to handle. I know these things. I am not totally insane here.

 

All I can say to you is ...thank God alot of other people have not turned their backs on me cause I still need support. I got myself into a deep hole and its like anyone else who has done this to themselves...you cant always get out by yourself.

 

Anyway, thank you for your response and good luck on your journey as well.

[Ellin]

I am looking for real heart felt advice. Please no bashing. I am so low at this time. I could literally kill myself. I really just need help.

 

I need you all like never before cause I GOT TO get over this man.

 

I started dating him 5 years ago and when I met him he was a mm. He told me that he was leaving and even showed me divorce papers. He took me everywhere and had me meeting his parents and the next thing you know, I was in love and ready for our lives to go on together.

 

after about almost 2 years, the relationship started to take its toll on me and I was starting to become a emotional wreck. Up and down the rollercoaster ride. I didnt deal with it very good. He said I wasnt handling things well and that he was losing love over the bullst.

 

About the 3 year he moved out and he was having a hard time with it. he was seeing me but he still was unsure about what he was doing with the home life for real. After that 3rd year he told me we should start seeing other people. I didnt want to. I couldnt let go. I had been trying to handle this all but I was struggling. we would talk about things then I would have a emotional burst out.

 

The 4th year he start seeing some chic..not serious but often. Him and I were seeing each other that much. We were up and down alot. That made room for the other relationship to grow.

 

Anyway, this year in March we had a very big blow out fight and he ended it for good. I had see a pic of him on her fb page and went off on him. The bad part was that he was starting to reach out to me and call me more and have me around his parents before I did that. We were kinda working it out.

 

Well after that big fall out, he pulled her all the way in. I dont think he was too into her at that time. Well, in June we started talking again. I was the one who wanted get him back in my life. I feel like it is my fault we fell out for good at that time.

 

anyway, since June we have been talking. I told him I dont want him out my life and I want him back. He calls me and talks to me but he still has his gf.

 

I know you guys think I am STUPID STUPID STUPID. But guys, I cant let him go and now I want to but he is so deep in my heart that I cant.

 

I stood by this man while he was married. I am sorry I didnt handle it well. I tried but it was alot to deal with. Then we break up, he gets another chic and I still want him back.

 

Its like everything I been waiting for, he is giving to her. He went to his family reunion this past weekend and took her. She is friends with his family and friends and Im back on the outside looking in again. He doesnt know that I know he took her with him but I know. This is killing me.

 

We talked today and I acted like I was all cool but the whole weekend I have been crying crying crying. I dont have the strength to tell him to get out of my life especially when I told him to come back in but at the same time guys, I am so hurt and distraught.

 

Please help me! I have to figure out how to deal with this. I know I deserve better but Im still very much inlove with him. Please help me!!

I really feel for you 9lives. I wish I could hug you and make it all better.

 

You didn't deserve to be treated like this. That man seems to have a big problem sticking to one woman, but if it's so, you're better off without him. And this girl he's with now will not be always so happy.

 

I can only imagine how painful it is to stand by him for 5 years only to be abandoned once he became fully available. It' just so unfair. No wonder you're feeling so low and find it hard to get over it.

 

But you know that this WILL pass.. right? And then it will all look differently and you will wonder what you saw in him. You will be relieved that you didn't do anything stupid over THIS man.. He isn't worth you.

 

If you feel NC is right for you then go for it. Otherwise take the advice in Skywriter's first reply. Apparently men lose interest if they feel the woman is 100% theirs... Then they go off looking for a challenge.. (it's not me who has come up with that but I have seen situations IRL that seem to confirm it).

 

Becoming unavailable for him and uninterested might or might not get his attention, but for sure it will help you feel better and more dignified.

 

Take care.

[OliveOyl]

This is not meant to devalue the relationship you two had together nor the emotional heartache you're going through right now.

 

However it appears to me that the "function" of your relationship for him was to be an "exit affair." He was with you so he could transition out of a marriage that wasn't working for him. (Obviously not the best way to do it, but it happens a lot.) And then, after the purpose of your relationship had run its course, he moved onto someone else, who is possibly more compatible.

 

If you look at it that way, you'll see that it is truly over and it is time to move on. It's not easy by any stretch, and I'm very sorry for what you are going through. You will make it, though. NC is brutal but effective.

[Fieldsofgold]

Have you ever given your ALL to someone THEN watch them give it o someone else what you waited for years to have?

 

this is what I want to say to him. What do I have to lose?

 

YES, yes and yes!!! It was my husband. I'll spare you the long version. Basically, I loved the man with all my heart. I tried EVERYTHING to make our relationship/marriage good. He blamed me for everything. I tried to move heaven and earth for him. Tried to re-make myself for him. Unknown to me, he had an OW. When our baby was just a few weeks old, there was a terrible ugly ongoing scene, he left and married the OW as soon as the D was final. Then, before my very eyes, he did for HER all the things he never did for me. All my dreams for us were coming true for HER! Fast forward 4 years, he wanted to D her and come home. No dice. He D her and married his OW. He has repeated this pattern for 40 years.

 

So - just because it LOOKS like he is doing everything for her - it doesn't necessarily mean a thing, long term.

 

I am sorry you are hurting so badly. I know it feels like just too much, but this will pass. I think I would really just do everything you can to move on, leave him in the dust, and when his doing for her starts to get to you, remember my story. A few years down the road, she may very well be in your current shoes. Or worse.

 

((((((hugs))))))

[2sunny]

what's that saying? never make someone a priority when they may you their option? or something like that...

 

you have made him your priority

he has made you his option - and he obviously has other options as well...

 

i'd do what is right for YOU. YOU are the only one you can count on to look out for YOUR best interest.

 

start taking care of YOU - make YOU the priority. dump him. he's not even worthy of being your option...

[Fieldsofgold]

Say nothing, SAY NOTHING, SAY NOTHING!!!

 

leave it all completely alone. NC means stopping all connection, be it verbal, visual, audial, literal.... everything. Delete him off FB, delete all e-mails, block all e-mails, block him on your phone, delete all texts, refuse to answer calls and texts..... are you getting the picture?

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature.

The guy is not so much treating you as a doormat, as much as jumping on you, burying your face in schyt, kicking you while you're down and frankly crapping on you with great abandon.

 

The sad thing is - you've been going back for more.

Naturally, being the warm-hearted and obliging chap that he is, he's happy to continue!!

 

you have to stop this, because you've sold your soul to hell, and actually, you've received nothing - less than nothing - in return.

You were great before you met him.

You're great, again.

 

Get a grip, hun, and hang on.

 

I'm quoting this post because I think it is so good, it bears re-reading.

[jwi71]

JW, this has been going on for a long time so yeah you could go digging around and find alot of history. Im not denying that. If you are fed up, Im fine with that too. You dont have to respond.

 

I know I have a problem and I know that I need help. I know I have gotten myself into a situation that is bigger than me and not easy to handle. I know these things. I am not totally insane here.

 

All I can say to you is ...thank God alot of other people have not turned their backs on me cause I still need support. I got myself into a deep hole and its like anyone else who has done this to themselves...you cant always get out by yourself.

 

Anyway, thank you for your response and good luck on your journey as well.

 

Oh no, please don't mistake me as "giving up".

 

But the advice you read now is the SAME advice you got then, in those numerous previous threads about him. I know. I read it.

 

And since virtually nothing has changed, there is nothing new to say - no value add. I challenge you here and now to go back and read every word you have ever typed here. Go on.

 

Maybe that will serve to open your eyes a bit.

 

I'm not sure typing out the same advice AGAIN will do any more good now than it did last year.

 

Please, for your own sake...IC.

[seren]

9 Lives, Love isn't meant to hurt so much, when it does and there is no way to mend it, it is time to call it a day and love yourself more.

 

I wouldn't contact him, personally, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I was, if he doesn't realise that, then he is a fool. If he does, then frankly, is he worth your time and love?

I can understand how hurt and rejected you must feel, I so hope over time you can heal. You asked if you should let him know if he knows how it feels to give your all and watch someone else live the life that should have been yours. Think that he might share that with the OW and how that might make you feel. I truly am not saying this to hurt you I think you are hurting enough and some, but the likely outcome is just that. Take care.

[9Lives]

9 Lives, Love isn't meant to hurt so much, when it does and there is no way to mend it, it is time to call it a day and love yourself more.

 

I wouldn't contact him, personally, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I was, if he doesn't realise that, then he is a fool. If he does, then frankly, is he worth your time and love?

I can understand how hurt and rejected you must feel, I so hope over time you can heal. You asked if you should let him know if he knows how it feels to give your all and watch someone else live the life that should have been yours. Think that he might share that with the OW and how that might make you feel. I truly am not saying this to hurt you I think you are hurting enough and some, but the likely outcome is just that. Take care.

 

well I didn't tell him anything and I'm glad I didn't. I just can't deal with it anymore. I just can't. I just got a new apt which I love and nothing but happiness needs to flow around here. I'm done. I want to be happy again. that's it for me

[9Lives]

stop giving..stop caring..stop wanting.

 

everyone here on this post was very helpful today and kept me from amking even more mistakes and I'm grateful. NC means no more new pain. this is the first time this has made sense to me. I truly can't see past the family runion incident.it changed me. I'm proud of myself and my friends for making me realize a letter was not called for but just let this nightmare go. this too shall pass and I'm gonna make it this time. I'm ready. life is going to show me better days and I'm ready for them. God Bless!

[Silly_Girl]

How's things with you 9L? Still feeling positive? All quiet on the bf front?

 

Hope all's well.

[9Lives]

How's things with you 9L? Still feeling positive? All quiet on the bf front?

 

Hope all's well.

 

I'm much better today. glad it was only 24 hours in that day. today I was stronger. around 9 he twxt me saying hello. I just looked at it. I'm still feeling dumb cause I'm thinking I'm losing him but I just have to let it be

[9Lives]

I'm much better today. glad it was only 24 hours in that day. today I was stronger. around 9 he twxt me saying hello. I just looked at it. I'm still feeling dumb cause I'm thinking I'm losing him but I just have to let it be

 

then again..im starting to hate hi. at the same time.

[Silly_Girl]

Regardless of whether you can contemplate a life without him per se, I feel strongly that you need a good, long free-of-drama break from him. Some decent you-time where you can have a quiet mind and put some real distance there. Find a bit of you again. Good luck

[BB07]

I'm much better today. glad it was only 24 hours in that day. today I was stronger. around 9 he twxt me saying hello. I just looked at it. I'm still feeling dumb cause I'm thinking I'm losing him but I just have to let it be

 

Hon........you NEVER had him. He is very messed up.......as you said, let it be. Don't waste anymore time or effort on him, he isn't worth it.

 

Hugs..........

[skywriter]

WoW 9lives! You didn't answer his text?!

 

That's the first step towards taking back your power that this man has over you! I am so happy and proud !

 

Just keep being strong, even if he comes to see you and you can't avoid having contact. You can be the nice person you are and still get your point across.

 

Keep being smart, it'll pay off.