kittie s. Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I was discussing this with my s/o and want to know what other people think, but only people in long distance relationships. Say your S.O. and you are long distance for awhile, for family reasons, job, money, any reason. What if your boyfriend, for example, starts hanging out at a strip club every week? Or a restaurant like hooters ,Or some place that makes money off sexual innuendos and stays in business for that reason? In a long distance relationship, it seems like that is something that is less appropriate than in normal situations. If I were living with my SO, I wouldn't be crazy about him going to hooters sometimes, but I wouldn't feel bothered by it nearly as much because he comes home and sees me every night. But in a long distance situation, is it really okay to go out to a place like that without seeing and feeling and experiencing your girlfriend/wife in person? What if the couple only gets to meet every couple of months? Or even less, twice a year, or even once a year (military for example)? In these cases, wouldn't it seem right to reign in the idea of going out to the clubs and restaurants focused on sexual interests? Given, yes, there are scantily clad males & females in different places everywhere that you might run into in random situations. But this is different, because you are going to a place that is specifically made for this reason, so that argument is null. I just want different opinions. Any person in a long distance relationship has an opinion on this, no matter which side, and possibly has dealt with something like this during the relationship. What do you think? What happened?
aerogurl87 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 My boyfriend doesn't go to strip clubs or anything like Hooters, and that's even when he's not in a relationship. I myself, wouldn't be happy with him going to those kind of places anyway. But if I was with someone who insisted on frequenting such places I don't think our relationship would last long whether it be a LDR or us being in close proximity to one another.
pandagirl Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I know that my BF has been to a strip club while we've been apart in this LDR, but it didn't bother me. It was part of a birthday party. If it's a once in a while occurrence (like a few times a year), I really wouldn't care at all. If I happened to be out with a bunch of friends, and they all wanted to go to a strip club, I would probably just tag along just for the fun of it. However, I would not want to date someone who went to one regularly.
electricity Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I don't think I could date any guy who regularly visited strip clubs and the like, long-distance or not. If it were a one-time thing for a friend's bachelor party or something, that's a different issue. I completely trust my BF, so I wouldn't mind if he went along. I could see how if I trusted him less, I'd feel more uncomfortable with him going.
Els Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I don't personally believe there should be different standards for LDRs and ITRs. If you were to visit him, would you be okay with him going to a strip club while you're there, then? Why or why not?
Calendula Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I haven't read any of the other responses, but my gut response to this is that it simply wouldn't concern me. I believe that it comes down to trust, and I trust that the man I am with will love me and respect me and our relationship regardless of what else he wishes to do with his time. If he feels the need to go to a strip club every night to watch random women in order to relieve sexual tension, so be it, I can accept that. Goodness knows I can't be there to help him with it. Guys are guys and will do guy things. Any male that doesn't appreciate the beautiful variety of the female body isn't paying attention or is denying his nature. I figure there is no harm in looking, and our understanding has always been that whatever we decided to do (either him or me) we don't bring anything home, and we uphold respect for our relationship and each other, first and foremost. I would feel the same way if we weren't currently in an LDR. If he wanted to go to a strip club, I'd probably even offer to go with him. If he constantly wanted to go without me, however, I would start looking more closely at our interpersonal dynamic and any issues we might have in our relationship. I wouldn't tell him that he couldn't go (too controlling for my tastes), but I would try and figure out what the underlying issue was which produced his desire to go in the first place. In an LDR, your relationship with someone ends up being in your head, more often than not, and before I would be concerned with what my SO was doing, I would be concerned with what he was thinking and WHY he was doing certain things in the first place. As long as the line of communication stays open, my SO wanting to go to strip clubs isn't something that would ever bother me. Thankfully, however, my SO isn't the type to really care about strip clubs, hooters, etc, for a wide variety of reasons. I think that part of knowing that he is free to do whatever he wants in that regard also makes it less appealing. It is kind of like never going to the amusement park just down the road - it is always there, you can go any time you want to, so why bother?
madjac74 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 If someone is in love whether it be long distance or someone youre living with then these places would not change that. I used to go to Hooters a lot just because I liked the wings and I could watch all the football games and just have a good time with friends. The girls may be nice to look at but the novelty wears off pretty fast. Heck my kids have even been there. I would agree that frequenting a strip club too much can be a problem. Especially if you are wasting all your money on lap dances but the same could be said for people who spend alot of time in bars or dance clubs. And bars and dance clubs would be more of a concern if you have trust issues since hooters girls and strippers just pretty much want your tips and you generally cant touch them much but bars and dance clubs have pretty much no rules and a guy is more likely to take a random girl at a bar home than a hooter girl or stripper. My GF who is 800 miles away has gone to a male strip club a few times since we have been apart A) She told me when she could have just said she was hanging out with friends B) She called me and texted me from there. She even said once "I must love you Im surrounded by naked dudes and im calling you" Its just all about trust whether LDR or close. They could be sitting at the strip bar telling their friends how much they love you and miss you but if you dont trust them then you picture them wasted with boobies in their face.
EnigmaRole Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I agree with the other posters, if it was a frequent thing I think I'd want to know why he felt the need to go so often. My man is in the Army and even when he's not deployed overseas he's at the other end of the Country, so he does have a social life that I can't always be a part of. The times I have been there I was amazed at the amount of women who go to certain bars in the area who are clearly looking for an Army guy, they are relentless!! I knew my man before we were a couple and he never really bothered with these women and I know he wouldn't now we are together. As for the strip clubs and hooters etc, I wouldn't mind, as I see it as a safer environment than the bars etc my man and his army friends go to, the women there are there to provide a visual service. I trust my man and wouldn't ever tell him he couldn't do something. He knows me and loves me and we both know our boundaries and would never cross them. Like Calendula said giving them the freedom to do what they want takes away the 'forbidden fruit' attraction. My guy knows any night out that is planned with the lads its fine for him to go on, some of the other guys aren't 'allowed' out often and when they are...boy they really let go.
LisaLee Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I personally would not be thrilled with it, but it is all about what you are comfortable with. I don't think it is something I am worried about, though, my boyfriend is not the type to go to a strip club. His idea of a good time is watching his best friend and brother play Street Fighter.
amerikajin Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I was discussing this with my s/o and want to know what other people think, but only people in long distance relationships. Say your S.O. and you are long distance for awhile, for family reasons, job, money, any reason. What if your boyfriend, for example, starts hanging out at a strip club every week? Or a restaurant like hooters ,Or some place that makes money off sexual innuendos and stays in business for that reason? In a long distance relationship, it seems like that is something that is less appropriate than in normal situations. If I were living with my SO, I wouldn't be crazy about him going to hooters sometimes, but I wouldn't feel bothered by it nearly as much because he comes home and sees me every night. But in a long distance situation, is it really okay to go out to a place like that without seeing and feeling and experiencing your girlfriend/wife in person? What if the couple only gets to meet every couple of months? Or even less, twice a year, or even once a year (military for example)? In these cases, wouldn't it seem right to reign in the idea of going out to the clubs and restaurants focused on sexual interests? Given, yes, there are scantily clad males & females in different places everywhere that you might run into in random situations. But this is different, because you are going to a place that is specifically made for this reason, so that argument is null. I just want different opinions. Any person in a long distance relationship has an opinion on this, no matter which side, and possibly has dealt with something like this during the relationship. What do you think? What happened? Distance isn't the issue; it's about trust. Distance just makes a lack of trust an even bigger problem than it would be ordinarily.
stace79 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I don't know if I'm "right" or not, but I definitely am in the same boat. I feel like it's important for both people in a R to have lives outside of each other to a point, but I agree that there are many, many things one can do to socialize that don't involve ladies night and strip clubs. I agree -- I don't care that my LDRBF wants to go out, but sometimes I wonder why he feels he must go to a bar that is having ladies night or other places that are ideal for single people to hook up. Maybe it is because I'm a girl, but when I commit myself to a R, I still want to have fun but my behavior changes a little bit to be more respectful of my status. I still go out to a bar if that's what a friend wants to do for her birthday or something, but I'm just as happy at a friend's pool barbecuing or going to happy hour and dinner/movies with a bunch of girlfriends.
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