lbm74 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 My H's OW from an EA has told him over and over again that she wants to live down the road from us, have him stay married and she will accept any time he can give her without me knowing a thing. She says she would be happy with this for the rest of her life, because that way he can have everything he wants, and that would make her happiest. He told me this because he realizes it is ridiculous and he would never be able to do this in good conscience, but she considers herself to live for everything he wants. I pose this ? for those of you on the "other side" to see if any of you have ever felt this way, and what became of such thoughts? My full story, if interested, is on the infidelity forum as to my current situation.
In_Repair Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Sounds like something a bunny boiler would say...
Silly_Girl Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Screw that!!!!! The two of them have serious issues.
OWoman Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I pose this ? for those of you on the "other side" to see if any of you have ever felt this way, and what became of such thoughts? Nope, never entertained such a thought. I've not come across that little self-respect from an OW, and only occasionally from a BW (post-DDay). If she really said that, it was probably just to wind her MM up - to encourage him to say, oh but of course I'd rather be with you! (Which he may or may not have said - he probably left that out of the account he relayed!)
BB07 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Screw that!!!!! The two of them have serious issues. I second that! Geez........I think you need to give him a good swift kick out the door and say.....you can't have both. It's either me or her.....decide NOW. This closure BS he is feeding you, is simply BS. Sounds like she is using the pity factor to keep him reeled in.
jj33 Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 Its not that crazy but its not workable. I used to think I could have stayed with MM forever even tho he was married but of course at a certain point there are bound to be conflicts. If only we'd been Mormon it would all have been so much simpler but in the Catholic church that sort of thing is a definite no no. Edited to add - your H is definitely oversharing. You are not his therapist. These are things they may have discussed but not seriously.
Ellin Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 My H's OW from an EA has told him over and over again that she wants to live down the road from us, have him stay married and she will accept any time he can give her without me knowing a thing. She says she would be happy with this for the rest of her life, because that way he can have everything he wants, and that would make her happiest. He told me this because he realizes it is ridiculous and he would never be able to do this in good conscience, but she considers herself to live for everything he wants. I pose this ? for those of you on the "other side" to see if any of you have ever felt this way, and what became of such thoughts? My full story, if interested, is on the infidelity forum as to my current situation. I find it hard to believe. Have you seen evidence that this is what she really wants? What makes it sound crazy is the moving down the road from you bit. I can believe that occasionally an OW would agree for MM to stay married and continue to see her but I can't imagine OW wanting to also move close to wher MM and his W live. What would be the point of that? She wouldn't need to be next door for the A to continue, even better if there was some distance - if she doesn't want the W to know a thing. It just doesn't make sense.
jj33 Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 I dont think its that crazy. I used to spend about 70% of the week with with xMM. His wife spent 10-20% with him at best. I lived really close to one of their homes that she rarely used. We used to joke that I should have a place near the place she stayed as its a few hours away and it was inconvenient when he had to be there. But it was a joke. And what is odd about it is that they never even saw each other after the airport. Actually Im not sure I am buying that. What kind of kismet is that? You meet someone ONCE in the airport and it changes your life forever? Im not buying that. Does your H travel on business when hes not working from home? If he does, I would suspect that they have met again. One chance meeting that so totally changes your life is the stuff movies are made of. And while fact is stranger than fiction it just doesnt sound right. That you would fall in love with someone you met at the airport for a few hours and then risk your marriage for them never ever having seen them again? It begs belief. If the kismet and love at first sight is really THAT strong pack his bags for him because hes never going to be fully engaged in the marriage again. Sorry to say that but either hes lying about the A or this is some sort of incredible cosmic connection that they have unlike what 99.99999% of people ever experience in 100 lifetimes. I am sorry to say that but there is something wrong with this picture. YOu sound like a lovely woman and you so dont deserve to be dancing on a string
Ellin Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 I dont think its that crazy. I used to spend about 70% of the week with with xMM. His wife spent 10-20% with him at best. I lived really close to one of their homes that she rarely used. We used to joke that I should have a place near the place she stayed as its a few hours away and it was inconvenient when he had to be there. But it was a joke. Exactly.
Mimolicious Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 My H's OW from an EA has told him over and over again that she wants to live down the road from us, have him stay married and she will accept any time he can give her without me knowing a thing. She says she would be happy with this for the rest of her life, because that way he can have everything he wants, and that would make her happiest. He told me this because he realizes it is ridiculous and he would never be able to do this in good conscience, but she considers herself to live for everything he wants. I pose this ? for those of you on the "other side" to see if any of you have ever felt this way, and what became of such thoughts? My full story, if interested, is on the infidelity forum as to my current situation. Good luck hone! My xH moved his OW 3 blocks away from my home. Of course, before I found out. When shiz hit the fan it didn't go too smoothly. This is why there is an "x" before the H. Why is this guy allowed to have an A, again?
Mimolicious Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I find it hard to believe. Have you seen evidence that this is what she really wants? What makes it sound crazy is the moving down the road from you bit. I can believe that occasionally an OW would agree for MM to stay married and continue to see her but I can't imagine OW wanting to also move close to wher MM and his W live. What would be the point of that? She wouldn't need to be next door for the A to continue, even better if there was some distance - if she doesn't want the W to know a thing. It just doesn't make sense. NOT TRUE!!!! Happened to me!!! They apparently thought it was easier if she lived 3 ****EN BLOCKS AWAY! In order for me to get home... I have to drive by her house. I have been crossing the street and she's at the stop sign, etc... SO IT DOES HAPPEN! and there are OW that are willing to do WHATEVER!
pureinheart Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 My H's OW from an EA has told him over and over again that she wants to live down the road from us, have him stay married and she will accept any time he can give her without me knowing a thing. She says she would be happy with this for the rest of her life, because that way he can have everything he wants, and that would make her happiest. He told me this because he realizes it is ridiculous and he would never be able to do this in good conscience, but she considers herself to live for everything he wants. I pose this ? for those of you on the "other side" to see if any of you have ever felt this way, and what became of such thoughts? My full story, if interested, is on the infidelity forum as to my current situation. Hi LBM, Wow.......never
Ellin Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 NOT TRUE!!!! Happened to me!!! They apparently thought it was easier if she lived 3 ****EN BLOCKS AWAY! In order for me to get home... I have to drive by her house. I have been crossing the street and she's at the stop sign, etc... SO IT DOES HAPPEN! and there are OW that are willing to do WHATEVER! I'm pretty shocked that someone would do this. Isn't living in the same town/area enough? The same street is pushing it. It's bound to be discovered - if the BS won't see it, other people will, who know the BS, as they are neighbors... Isn't that why you found out? Sorry you had to go through this and still have to drive past her house...
Mimolicious Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 I'm pretty shocked that someone would do this. Isn't living in the same town/area enough? The same street is pushing it. It's bound to be discovered - if the BS won't see it, other people will, who know the BS, as they are neighbors... Isn't that why you found out? Sorry you had to go through this and still have to drive past her house... I am not certain on the time line... I found out because they were seen up and down at events together. I found out where she lived months after finding out of their A. Yep, it's pretty traumatic and f'ed up that everyday there is that clear reminder and on top my kids can't even walk outside. At this point what it will take is for me to sell my home, take my kids out of school and their environment, quit my six figure paying job, leave my entire family behind and move to another STATE! (almost nothing to sweat about) As you can see, people have no limits at times.
Brokenlady Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 So the ow lives a few blocks away. I bet that's annoying, but why in the world would this prevent your kids from going outside?
White Flower Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 My H's OW from an EA has told him over and over again that she wants to live down the road from us, have him stay married and she will accept any time he can give her without me knowing a thing. She says she would be happy with this for the rest of her life, because that way he can have everything he wants, and that would make her happiest. He told me this because he realizes it is ridiculous and he would never be able to do this in good conscience, but she considers herself to live for everything he wants. I pose this ? for those of you on the "other side" to see if any of you have ever felt this way, and what became of such thoughts? My full story, if interested, is on the infidelity forum as to my current situation. I think earlier in our R my MM would have jumped all over that offer. He'd already had many OW 'in his backyard' and it was already working for him. What I don't get (and this is usually BS analogy here on LS) is how he can claim not to do this 'in good conscience' but he CAN cheat on you with said conscience. I know the answer, but do you? As for myself, no, I could not and would not do such a thing. Have I entertained the idea when he's said gee I wish you lived down the street then I'd see you every day? Yes, but I would not move mountains to be his side piece. Instead, I let him move mountains so he can be my side piece;) Tee hee. Of course I'm being facetious, but seriously, if he wants this HE has to be the one to make it happen. Curious, why did he share this with you. I guess I'll go read your other thread.
LilyBart Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 My H's OW from an EA has told him over and over again that she wants to live down the road from us, have him stay married and she will accept any time he can give her without me knowing a thing. She says she would be happy with this for the rest of her life, because that way he can have everything he wants, and that would make her happiest. He told me this because he realizes it is ridiculous and he would never be able to do this in good conscience, but she considers herself to live for everything he wants. I pose this ? for those of you on the "other side" to see if any of you have ever felt this way, and what became of such thoughts? My full story, if interested, is on the infidelity forum as to my current situation. Me? Never. While I may be into some kinky things and involved in an A, I don't think I'm "the crazy one". I can't remember which question came first but my MM has previously asked to marry me (uh, hellooo bigamy!) as well as live in his house (as a "nanny"). <yeah, this one was thinking MUCH bigger than me "living down the street"> AS IF!!! I don't know what made him think I'd be willing (or wanting) to take care of his squalling infant (and giving his BS a break) - unless he just liked the fantasy that I would always "be there" for him. Blech. I'm just happy that I have him wrapped around my finger. And if he ever decides to "unwrap" himself, that's fine too.
lilbunny Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 If the OW is just in it for the sex and there is no emotion involved then I suppose I can see the appeal of being close by, even then the same street is pushing it to the limits. I can't imagine if there is any feeling involved then it can be very good for the OW's mental health. I saw my MM with his wife once and they just in the same public place and I pretty much called it off because I found it too distressing. To see them at home on a daily basis would probably kill me off in the long term. Does she really want that or is the idea that you will most definitely find out if she is in your street, throw him out and he won't have to move far to be with her, thus mimimising any dispution to his life and making it all seem easier?
Mimolicious Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 So the ow lives a few blocks away. I bet that's annoying, but why in the world would this prevent your kids from going outside? She's already been arrested for assault, trespassing, property damage, etc... 100 feet close to my kids lands her back in jail but I don't live on a cloud thinking that a restraining order is in the likes of an armor shield. This is why people cry their lungs out saying "I wish I would have done something". I rather prevent than to lament. My kids don't run freely outside unless few people are watching them. Yes, their father chose to bring this drama into their lives, all I can do now is protect them. That's what a good parent does. Next, RELOCATION!
Mimolicious Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Me? Never. While I may be into some kinky things and involved in an A, I don't think I'm "the crazy one". I can't remember which question came first but my MM has previously asked to marry me (uh, hellooo bigamy!) as well as live in his house (as a "nanny"). <yeah, this one was thinking MUCH bigger than me "living down the street"> AS IF!!! I don't know what made him think I'd be willing (or wanting) to take care of his squalling infant (and giving his BS a break) - unless he just liked the fantasy that I would always "be there" for him. Blech. I'm just happy that I have him wrapped around my finger. And if he ever decides to "unwrap" himself, that's fine too. WHOA! I hope this idiot is not totally retarded and leaves his family for someone that thinks of him as a disposable "D!ck in a Glass". Good for you to not be vested in something that can create much havoc for everyone involved. For the most part OW/OM who are residents here on LS have a beating heart (maybe this is where they go wrong, unlike you that sound to be frivolous). For that be a call girl. I'm just saying...
Fallen Angel Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 She's already been arrested for assault, trespassing, property damage, etc... 100 feet close to my kids lands her back in jail but I don't live on a cloud thinking that a restraining order is in the likes of an armor shield. This is why people cry their lungs out saying "I wish I would have done something". I rather prevent than to lament. My kids don't run freely outside unless few people are watching them. Yes, their father chose to bring this drama into their lives, all I can do now is protect them. That's what a good parent does. Next, RELOCATION! Mim, I don't want to thread jack, but do you really have to move out of state? I did it, and let me tell you, it is no fun starting all over again. I mean, I realize that you must do something, but perhaps a move to the other side of town, an investment in a great home alarm and video surveillance equipment and a good lawyer on retainer would be better than moving your kids away from their schhols, and you away from your job? OP, When I moved to get away from my now exhusband, I did move near My Sweetheart, but not to his town, and ceratinly not on his street!! Nor would I ever entertain such an idea. He did want me to move much closer (the same town) but I like another poster figured if he wants this relationship with me to work, then he has to work for it. When he wants to see me, which is often, he has to drive for about an hour and a half (in good traffic) to do so. He is willing to do that, regularly, even if it is for a short period of time that we get to spend together. He also must leave for work that much earlier in the mornings when he stays with me. *shrug* I find it hard to understand the mindset of your husband's OW, as it appears she is more than content to share him with you indefinately. I think you are going to be the one who has to put an end to your relationship, since it seems that neither your husband nor his OW, have any intention of letting each other go.
Mimolicious Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Mim, I don't want to thread jack, but do you really have to move out of state? I did it, and let me tell you, it is no fun starting all over again. I mean, I realize that you must do something, but perhaps a move to the other side of town, an investment in a great home alarm and video surveillance equipment and a good lawyer on retainer would be better than moving your kids away from their schhols, and you away from your job? Sorry to TJ but to answer your question. In bolded= Check, check, check. To be honest, I understand how much hard it is to do. I moved around as a kid and it was no fun at all. I would have never planned to do it but at the end my kids don't deserve to be around this AT ALL! It comes down to what is going to be best for them and their development. It will be a bit hard to adjust but eventually they will. Better than remaining to live this way. Don't you think? There have been times that I am sitting outside watching my little one ride his bike. Their father drives by with his OW my boy just comes back inside and goes to his room. His dad's excuse :" What is he supposed to do?! Not live his life?!". Not much of a choice there. Such a father he is... Moving to the other side of town. Yes, will minimize the run-ins, but wont be far from the drama due to who my xH is. The further the better.
Fallen Angel Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 . The further the better. I completely understand this saying! When I moved from the exact middle of the country to the coastal community in which I now reside, people here asked me why the move? My answer is always the same... "To get as far away from where I was as possible without actually living IN the ocean!" They think it is a joke here. if they only knew!!!!
Recommended Posts