That_girl Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Hey all, I have been maintaining NC for about 7 months now. So no phone-calls, no texts, no emails or ANYTHING after I was dumped. I'm pretty darn proud of myself because I was anxious to contact him at times, but refrained from doing so all this time in order to retain my dignity and self-respect. So about 2 months ago, he emails me. Says he doesn't want to get back together or anything but just that he misses me etc. Understandable....I felt the same way for a while, but I'm totally over him at this point. Long story short, I begged him not to end it for a while....but things just weren't working and he did. So basically, I know this is either his guilty conscience OR ego that was doing the talking. But although I realize that he was an ass, I kind of regret not responding to this. I just wanted to say that I wish him well too. I feel like I can't have closure until I let him know that I don't hate his guts. He was very selfish and said some horrible things to me in the past, but overall he is not a bad person. We were together for almost 3 years, and he has obviously had a huge impact on my life. I feel weird just ignoring him. I don't want him to think that I'm still sore that he broke up with me. In a way I'm definitely jaded, but not to the point that I have to hate him. I've moved passed that stage now. Is all of this normal? Would it be weird if I sent him a "hey, I'm okay...hope you are too email"? I don't want him to think that I don't care at all. I know he made ME feel this way when he dumped me....but I'm not the same kind of person.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 So glad that you are doing so well! Love to see success stories they give me hope I think that as long as you are not contacting him for the reasons that you initiated NC for in the first place (healing, yourself) then I see no problem with saying "good luck to ya". Your comments show that you have grown and are no longer in the same place, so I don't see that it will hurt you. If you think it will set you back don't do it though! You are much more important than he is.....
welikeincrowds Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 2 things: 1) Only you can give yourself closure 2) There's no such thing as closure You can completely and thoroughly be over someone, and never really think about them, but if they were an important part of your life, those feelings are still there, just distant. And they only get more distant with time. You're 7 or so months in, that's great. But it's still at risk for setting you back. Maybe not to day 1, but certainly with some trouble that you don't need. You don't need to care about what he thinks, and as you know, what he thinks should not reflect on you. You made the right decision not to contact him. Just be satisfied in knowing that you don't hate his guts. You have already moved on. That's all you need to care about. And trust me, he knows it too. But even if he doesn't, it doesn't matter. He'll believe whatever he wants, whether it's right or not, regardless of what you say to him anyway.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Hey all, I have been maintaining NC for about 7 months now. So no phone-calls, no texts, no emails or ANYTHING after I was dumped. I'm pretty darn proud of myself because I was anxious to contact him at times, but refrained from doing so all this time in order to retain my dignity and self-respect. So about 2 months ago, he emails me. Says he doesn't want to get back together or anything but just that he misses me etc. Understandable....I felt the same way for a while, but I'm totally over him at this point. Long story short, I begged him not to end it for a while....but things just weren't working and he did. So basically, I know this is either his guilty conscience OR ego that was doing the talking. But although I realize that he was an ass, I kind of regret not responding to this. I just wanted to say that I wish him well too. I feel like I can't have closure until I let him know that I don't hate his guts. He was very selfish and said some horrible things to me in the past, but overall he is not a bad person. We were together for almost 3 years, and he has obviously had a huge impact on my life. I feel weird just ignoring him. I don't want him to think that I'm still sore that he broke up with me. In a way I'm definitely jaded, but not to the point that I have to hate him. I've moved passed that stage now. Is all of this normal? Would it be weird if I sent him a "hey, I'm okay...hope you are too email"? I don't want him to think that I don't care at all. I know he made ME feel this way when he dumped me....but I'm not the same kind of person. Yah girl, Tough call, especially since I'm only working on day 3 here after a meltdown last week. I would agree with paw. As long as you're doing it for the right reasons. I just wonder if you are certain you know what those reasons are and what the reason for your breakup was. I think there is always a chance for an nc hangover, so be warned... I wonder where I will be at in 7 months? I wonder if I'll still be hooked? Good luck, but I'd proceed with extreme caution...
Author That_girl Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Thanks for your replies. I agree that it shouldn't matter what he thinks.....it's more what I think of myself at this point. I just don't want to turn into one of those people that uses NC out of spite. I just feel like not responding to someone who was such a huge part of my life is kinda of inhumane. And I'm not some cold, heartless person. Just because someone does wrong to me, doesn't mean that I have to respond in the same way. Do you think sending an email now, 2 months after his initial email is kind of stupid? To those of you who are impressed with my progress......you'll get there too! I think we all feel hopeless at points, but as cliche as it is...time heals all wounds.
Beeotch Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 (edited) I have a HUGE problem with those who maintain NC like a Nazi. That is NOT freedom and dignity....it is only pretend as on the inside you have to constantly think about rules and should you do this or that etc. It is not serving it's purpose in my opinion, where you ignore this person just for the sake of it. You aren't using your own sense and feelings but blindly following a rule... If you are over your ex, what is the problem with acknowledging an email? Trust your intuition on this. You are over him and you can tell it feels pointless not to reply to say you don't hate him etc. Freedom and dignity is being able to be cordial and not spiteful and to live your life without chasing this person OR without overthinking every interaction or being unnecessarily defensive and rude. That is just stress...and even though on the outside to him he can't tell and may think you're fine and don't care...YOU know the truth, so what's the point? For me, not contacting my ex worked because I used it in a healthy way. I did not unnecessarily insert myself into his life, try to hang out, call/text/message etc. with the thought of getting him back. I left him alone to move forward. If he contacted me, I responded. It took nothing out of me. If he said something I felt was pointless/rude/ulterior motive then I wouldn't reply...but I used MY discretion. I wasn't imprisoned into being a robot. Act with moderation and use your sensibility Don't allow this situation to cause you to behave in strange unproductive ways you wouldn't normally. Edited August 9, 2010 by Beeotch
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