Would love everyones 2 cents..

[exclusive.]

I will keep it short and sweet so people are not bored with its length.

 

Im 22 and my ex is 20.

I met my ex last summer, we had a beautiful 8 months together and nothing was really wrong except she became a bit bossy which was bothering me slightly but not enough to give up the relationship over.

The relationship was spread long distance whilst we were at seperate uni's but I went to go see her practically every weekend, sex was good, I always paid for stuff for us to do as I always had more money than her.

When at seperate uni's we constantly spoke and all I received were messages stating "I miss you so much it hurts," "my bed is so lonely whenever you are not here, it upsets me" and "I can't wait to see you at the weekend, Im so excited"

 

One night, Im out with my friends from university only get a message from her saying:

"I have actually just realised that I would quite happily marry you. Your so kind, caring and loyal to me... you amazing."

 

2 days later, we have a big bust up because I was really ill that night and was trying to contact her but she blew me off because she was at dinner with her friend. Granted, I blew the argument well out of proportion but the next thing I know... she doesnt love me anymore, that's it... over.

 

That was 3 months ago, we have been on and off contact ever since.

She's desperate for me to be her friend but tells me she has no feelings left for me. I try NC and she ends up contacting me after a few days even if I tell her to leave me alone.

I try being friends but she doesnt want to meet up with me because she knows I still am madly in love her with.

 

Im just stuck in a circle and I really dont know what to do?

So I thought I would turn to you guys...help?

[carhill]

Given her age and circumstances, it's highly likely she said 'yes' to the approach of another male. Hence, an argument with you and a sudden breaking up facilitates this dynamic and frees her conscience of any guilt. However, she still has an emotional attachment to you and she likes the attention you give her and the *idea* that you still desire her and she's feeding that right now. This is normal for a young woman. It's actually quite normal for many women of all ages. Men too. Your job is to set a boundary and stick to it. You decide what that is, relevant to your own health. Good luck

[USMCHokie]

That was 3 months ago, we have been on and off contact ever since.

She's desperate for me to be her friend but tells me she has no feelings left for me. I try NC and she ends up contacting me after a few days even if I tell her to leave me alone.

I try being friends but she doesnt want to meet up with me because she knows I still am madly in love her with.

 

Try harder. Telling her to leave you alone isn't enough to get through her thick skull...actions speak louder than words...she sounds like a nutjob...and definitely doesn't deserve you as a friend if she doesn't want more than that from you...

[exclusive.]

well, newest update... we decided to be friends yesterday. I asked her if she fancy coming to walk my dogs with me today and she said she couldnt she was too busy.

Even though she's sat on skype all day.

now half an hour ago, she changed her facebook status to Urghghgh I give up --- DELETE.

and now im deleted off skype.

 

I have no idea what the hell I've done and she wont contact me.

 

Seriously, I am nothing but nice to this girl...I can't stress how much I would bend over backwards to make her happy.

 

It just really saddens me that someone hates me so much, and is fine with treating me with way when I did so much for them...

 

**UPDATE..

 

I just found out the reason, its because I liked a page on facebook saying "Ever look at your ex and just think, "was i drunk our whole relationship?"

Christ, I liked it because it was funny... not that it had anything to do with her.

 

For a girl who says she has no feelings for me...why the hell would you get annoyed at that?

Edited August 9, 2010 by exclusive.

[whatadeer26]

It is her being immature. My ex was 25 and she was exactly like your ex in that dumb a$$ facebook meant so much to her.I hate that damn site. It is human nature to read into every situation and draw conclusions.

 

As for NC, don't answer anything. Last week I deleted my ex from everything. She contacted me a lot the first 2 days asking why this and why that, how could I, if I loved her I'd answer. called me a lot. I just didn't respond. She will soon tire out and leave you be. Do not answer anything short of I want to meet and talk out our problems. Even if that message does come still wait a bit to answer and think of what you really want.

 

Hope that helps a bit.

[DustySaltus]

Well, anyone that tells you that they are in love with you one day and not the next has no idea what love is all about. I see that you went to visit her every weekend. Did she ever come and visit you?

 

Your best bet is to stay complete NC. As much as she is in love with you and says that she would marry you...look at her actions. She's only 20, she has to learn what love is about first let alone marriage.

 

She contacts you after a few days because YOU let her. I know you love her, but that's exactly why you need to backup right now. Please read the links in my siganture. Anything short of her saying she made a big mistake and is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work is pointless. Even then, you really need to sit down and think about whether or not this could happen down the line and whether or not you want to go through the pain again.

[DustySaltus]

well, newest update... we decided to be friends yesterday. I asked her if she fancy coming to walk my dogs with me today and she said she couldnt she was too busy.

Even though she's sat on skype all day.

now half an hour ago, she changed her facebook status to Urghghgh I give up --- DELETE.

and now im deleted off skype.

 

I have no idea what the hell I've done and she wont contact me.

 

Seriously, I am nothing but nice to this girl...I can't stress how much I would bend over backwards to make her happy.

 

It just really saddens me that someone hates me so much, and is fine with treating me with way when I did so much for them...

 

**UPDATE..

 

I just found out the reason, its because I liked a page on facebook saying "Ever look at your ex and just think, "was i drunk our whole relationship?"

Christ, I liked it because it was funny... not that it had anything to do with her.

 

For a girl who says she has no feelings for me...why the hell would you get annoyed at that?

 

www.bpdfamily.org

[Don Ho]

She's only 20. That's VERY young. You are too. I would not have agreed to be her friend; that makes you look like a pussy and less attractive. I would go total NC. Did you know the failure rate of marriages between the ages of 18 - 28 is like 80%? You think you hurt now, marry her, have a couple of kids, she "discovers" she doesn't love you anymore at 26 and imagine how much pain you'll be in. Not what you want to hear, but cut your loses, go NC and do not respond to her. Good luck.

[exclusive.]

Thanks for all your replies guys,

 

I know I am young and so is she, but I never forced her to send that message about marriage. It was as random to me as it was the lottery.

 

DustySaltus, your website link gave me a nice chuckle! Ha.

 

I totally understand the whole NC approach, and I let her back into my life and its down to me whether I reply or not.

My problem lately is recently my best friend who is also 22, contracted Ewing Sarcoma (a nasty form of cancer) and has to have chemotherapy and operations lasting a year.

Whilst I was with my ex, I lost a friend in January because he drunkenly slipped into a frozen river.

 

So when the news came about my friend, I was so broken I turned to something I felt comfortable with. Not a good idea, because obviously her feelings are not shared.

 

But seriously, I barely start conversation with her - she's mostly the one to get in touch with me. Her mother did describe to mine that my ex had told her that the seriousness of our relationship had scared her, but clearly I was not the one that was forcing the seriousness.

 

I think the complications lie with the fact her ex before me cheated on her 7 times, including with some of her friends... she has no real friends or anyone that is there for her no matter what. I guess I pity her for that and I feel its my duty to be there for her because well, Im just too nice.

 

It just annoys me how nasty she is sometimes, and I dont do anything to piss her off she just finds reasons to be angry.

I told her earlier I think its time I gave her space to really realise what she wants - I dont think we have ever gone 4 days or more without speaking.