Jrock3080 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 (edited) I have been somewhat happy in my marriage of 5 years. My wife has left me a few times for reasons still unknown and now i feel like we are on the verge of that same problem. She recently got back into talking on yahoo. There is a guy she talks to from her past that she swears she is only friends with. However i have recently discovered that she is lying to me about him. She tells me that she regrets getting married at 19 yrs old and that getting married was the biggest mistake of her life. They both exchange feelings of wanting to meet up and see how the feelings are between them. I have also found her to tell him that she will show him revealing pictures of herself to him sometime this week while i am at work. When she forgets her cellphone in my car or at home, she often tells her cousin that she hopes no one calls or texts her while her phone is in my presents. I know that something is wrong and that she is hiding something from me. She tells me everyday that no matter what she will never leave me and that i am a wonderful husband. I dont understand how i could be a wonderful husband and yet she lies to me and hides things from me. My question is what do i do? i am confused right now and not sure what the right decision is. She has already stated that she will not go to consoling. Edited August 9, 2010 by Jrock3080
cookie2 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 She's left you a few times, and you still don't know the reason? Didn't you ask her why? You were happy to take her back not knowing if she was off banging some other guy, or what? Sorry to say it sounds like your marriage is over. If she is not willing to go to MC then she is not willing to put in any effort to save the marriage. It takes two to make it work, and she has already checked out. She is saying she won't leave you because she likes the security that you offer her, money and somewhere to live etc. She says you're a wonderful husband because you let her get away with doing whatever the hell she wants. She is walking all over you. Did she say she loves you but is not in love with you, yet?
Bitterman24/7 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I have been somewhat happy in my marriage of 5 years. My wife has left me a few times for reasons still unknown and now i feel like we are on the verge of that same problem. She recently got back into talking on yahoo. There is a guy she talks to from her past that she swears she is only friends with. However i have recently discovered that she is lying to me about him. She tells me that she regrets getting married at 19 yrs old and that getting married was the biggest mistake of her life. They both exchange feelings of wanting to meet up and see how the feelings are between them. I have also found her to tell him that she will show him revealing pictures of herself to him sometime this week while i am at work. When she forgets her cellphone in my car or at home, she often tells her cousin that she hopes no one calls or texts her while her phone is in my presents. I know that something is wrong and that she is hiding something from me. She tells me everyday that no matter what she will never leave me and that i am a wonderful husband. I dont understand how i could be a wonderful husband and yet she lies to me and hides things from me. My question is what do i do? i am confused right now and not sure what the right decision is. She has already stated that she will not go to consoling. She's cheating on you, disrespecting you continuously, and she says that getting married to you was the biggest mistake of her life? Hell no, man you need to leave her and tell her getting married to a cheater was the biggest mistake of your life. Don't believe that bull**** she's saying to you. She's gaslighting you. See your attorney, protect your assets/valuables, and get the hell out of there.
confusedinkansas Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 A question: You don't mention how you know the things you do know. About her chatting on Yahoo - About what she tells her cousin about her cell phone being with you instead of her. How do you know what she's saying? How do you know she's lying? Also, how do you know all of the specifics of her chat sessions? Coming from a woman that is a "reformed chatter"....& one that cheated on her husband. (Reformed from that as well ) My first gut instinct is to say - They are more than just friends. (this was the same thing I told my husband) - When my affair happened my husband was too wrapped up in his life to care one way or the other who my friends were. So a male friend didn't seem to make any difference to him. Let's say - Best case scenario - She's telling the truth & they really are friends. Are you ok with that? If you're not & you don't know this guy - seems to me you should say something to her. Another thing, She says she'll never leave you yet you say she's already left a few times. Married 5 years & she's already bailed a few times......To me this screams something. She really doesn't appear to be happy. Which is obvious by her saying to you she regrets getting married. I'm not an advocate of divorce if a marriage can be worked out, but she seems a little immature to accept what a marriage is all about. (this early on is not a good sign) I married at 18. Were there days I questioned my marriage. DUH. We all do. Did I leave my husband? No. (not until we'd been married for 27 years & for 14 months - not due to the affair though) Seems to me you need to take a step back & a long hard look at this. If it's not evaluated now, you may have this to deal with for the rest of your marriage. How ever long that is. . I dont understand how i could be a wonderful husband and yet she lies to me and hides things from me. You'll never have the answer to this. It's very hard to explain something like this. I know, I've tried. If she never tries to get to the root of the issue you may never know.
Woggle Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I would just leave her and cut my losses You don't need her i your life because women like her just suck the life out of a man.
Darth Vader Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I have been somewhat happy in my marriage of 5 years. My wife has left me a few times for reasons still unknown and now i feel like we are on the verge of that same problem. She recently got back into talking on yahoo. There is a guy she talks to from her past that she swears she is only friends with. However i have recently discovered that she is lying to me about him. She tells me that she regrets getting married at 19 yrs old and that getting married was the biggest mistake of her life. They both exchange feelings of wanting to meet up and see how the feelings are between them. I have also found her to tell him that she will show him revealing pictures of herself to him sometime this week while i am at work. When she forgets her cellphone in my car or at home, she often tells her cousin that she hopes no one calls or texts her while her phone is in my presents. I know that something is wrong and that she is hiding something from me. She tells me everyday that no matter what she will never leave me and that i am a wonderful husband. I dont understand how i could be a wonderful husband and yet she lies to me and hides things from me. My question is what do i do? i am confused right now and not sure what the right decision is. She has already stated that she will not go to consoling. I hope you don't have children! Divorce her ass and be free of her! Yes, she's screwing other men! BTW, she cheated, she leaves, YOU DON'T LEAVE! Toss her stuff out onto the lawn, and drop her ass! I mean it!
Gfkr2 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Friend, your wife's behavior has nothing to do with your being a wonderful husband. Great husbands and wives get burned by WS all the time. The problem isn't you. It's her. Anyone who says their M was the biggest mistake of her life shows you zero respect as man. You would be wise to issue her an utimatium that she have NC with the OM. You must demand total transprancy in your M if you ever hope to move on as a happily married couple. Force the issue. Make demands and follow through if she gives you the middle finger in the eye. Unfortunately, that include divorcing her if she doesn't agree to your demands. Transition from a nice guy to a pri*k if necessary to protect yourself. Good luck.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 She tells me that she regrets getting married at 19 yrs old and that getting married was the biggest mistake of her life. Boom! Thats all you need to hear to know what to do. She tells me everyday that no matter what she will never leave me and that i am a wonderful husband. I dont understand how i could be a wonderful husband and yet she lies to me and hides things from me. because she is a big C...thats why. My question is what do i do? get rid of her, especially if you have no children with her. the decision should be all too clear. i am confused right now and not sure what the right decision is. She has already stated that she will not go to consoling. You know what the right decision is, you just don't want to think about divorce and having to pay for it and what she might get out of the divorce. If you have only been married 5 years, then she isn't entitled to a whole damn lot. So cut your losses before more years entitles her to more and get rid of this cheating hussbag. (you know she is cheating...she doesn't have converstions with another man online like that, and then leave for extended periods of time without any explanation of where she is going or what she is doing) get a good divorce attorney, but don't let her know what you are doing. Do whatever your attorney tells you to do, you are paying them to look out for YOUR best interests. And then when she least expects it, hit her with the papers.
hopesndreams Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 No counselling huh? Either she is only a major flirt with other men online or she is actively seeking a man to take her away from you, to take care of her and make her life a happy one. she will never leave me and that i am a wonderful husband. Just words to pull the wool over your eyes. What do her actions tell you?
karnak Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 They both exchange feelings of wanting to meet up and see how the feelings are between them. I have also found her to tell him that she will show him revealing pictures of herself to him sometime this week while i am at work. When she forgets her cellphone in my car or at home, she often tells her cousin that she hopes no one calls or texts her while her phone is in my presents. . Aren't you a Troll?? Because if you're not, then your marriage is no more.
lovefromgirl Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 She tells me that she regrets getting married at 19 yrs old and that getting married was the biggest mistake of her life. Well, there's your problem. </mythbusters> How old were you when you married her? So much growth happens between about 18 and 22; some people can meet, commit, and grow in a healthy way together, but it's so rare. Even the happiest couple I know, who were high school sweethearts, spent a few years doing their own thing before they decided to be together for good.
Author Jrock3080 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Well, there's your problem. </mythbusters> How old were you when you married her? So much growth happens between about 18 and 22; some people can meet, commit, and grow in a healthy way together, but it's so rare. Even the happiest couple I know, who were high school sweethearts, spent a few years doing their own thing before they decided to be together for good. i was 25 when we got married. Thank you everyone for the help. We had a really long talk last weekend and she has since stopped talking to this guy and stays off of yahoo. I know it will take a long time to repair the damage she has done to my heart but if she proves herself to be the one i fell in love with then i think it will be worth it.
goodgrief Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 can anyone else smell that? Can you smell it? wow, that's some strong stuff. I think it's called Bulls*it. "There are none so blind as those who will not see."I think the term is "lather, rinse and repeat" isn't it? The fact that you believe you've been happily married for 5 years, but she has left you on many occasions, was enough for me to think, "hello, this fellow is what is commonly known as a sucker". And so it goes.... You really need to just completely cut her out of your life. She's with you because you are a convenient place to be. She doesn't love you, she is just using you for whatever she can get. Dear me, what will it take for you to wake up and see what is happening?
cookie2 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Dude. You are so far in denial, you're almost at Luxor. You need to man up and divorce her azz.
Bryanp Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Your wife has constantly left you and you have no idea why and you say you have been in a somewhat happy marriage for 5 years? What is wrong with this picture? You are so in denial. How could you accept your wife back time and again without even having any idea why she left you? I am sorry but this is beyond comprehension. I feel very sorry for you.
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