smile01 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 well i have had a rubbish few months! My ex broke up with me nearly 3 months ago, after 2 years, saying that he no longer loved me and we had frazzled out. I was upset but i respected his decision. He had changed a lot when he went to college and he acted like he couldnt be bothered with me. He wouldnt kiss me anymore and he shouted and we argued a lot. He became arrogant and a little bit cocky. But anyway, we broke up. I found it hard and still am. I had to delete him on facebook because i wanted to check what he was doing and see what he was doing and it was hurting me. The next thing i know my best friend is meeting up with him and they kept falling out with me because he was spreading things i had said like "i want some space from her whenwe go to uni to meet new friends" and changing it to "i hate her i wish she never went to the same uni as me, she just copys me all the time" and they just bitched about me (which when we first got together she hated him). Whenever i just wanted to vent some anger out about him she would stick up for him! She never asked once how i was doing.Then i found out my ex was seeing another girl (and although i had been on 1 date since then it really hurt). Now there seriously dating and from the sounds of it getting together. i was really hurt that he had moved on so fast. Then i decided i needed to see my best friend but she told me she was busy. I then discovered she had invited my ex round and his new girl. I felt so hurt and betrayed! she must have know how insecure i felt. So i told her i had had enough and i needed space from her. She and my ex then started bitching about me all over facebook. It hurt so much. She got him to get involved and have a go at me. He called me really nasty names and saying he loves his life and he is really happy without me,. Im hurting so much. My best friend who i have know for 16 years does this in a time i need her?! urgh.now they see each other all the time. mehhh HELP!
Author smile01 Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 i know i shouldnt. She has hurt me so much and a best friend shouldnt do that. But it sucks that i have lost the 2 people that meant the world to me :/
MsSydneyLane Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Your best friend isn't really your best friend ever at all. NO friends would do something like this. Don't show them you're affected. Just move on and be strong.
Author smile01 Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 i know i should be strong. Its hard because my ex seems to be having the time of his life....so why am i still getting upset?! i want him to have a really rubbish time and so far his life is going great and mines getting worse :/ its just not fair.
shoegal23 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I completely understand where you're coming from. You're being so brave and it's so hard to deal with situations like this. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago - he was amazing and i was so in love with him, but he had never had a girlfriend before, and loved his friends and his single life more than me It absolutely broke my heart, but I'm quite a strong person and have tried to block him out of my mind as much as I can. Even though it hasn't been that long, looking back on it now, the worst part about this is that we both had a mutual group of friends and i miss them so much! They were his friends and i became so close to them, but the worst part is that they live with him so whenever I want to see them, I can't because he is there...I do still see them and even though they are initially his friends, they have made a real effort to see me and give me all the support that I have needed since the break up - those are real friends! But it's no where near as much as it used to be and that is so horrible... What your best friend is doing is unfair and really unreasonable and cannot be called a friend. It must be the hardest thing for you to have to hear that she is still in contact with him. It literally kills me anytime that I hear his name when i hang out with my/his friends. Also, he seems to be having the best time, and not even looking back and regretting! that is the most painful thing. He did break up with me, but then I feel there must be some remorse on his part?! he has been going away, on holiday, got a new job, looks really good...I deleted him on facebook - just because it is so painful, but because we have so many mutual friends, he is always writing on there walls and they tag pictures of him etc...so I always know what he's doing even though i don't want to!! I'm sorry that you're hurting and this whole situation with your best friend must make it that much harder. The dreadful thing is, there is nothing that anyone can say to make the pain any easier. The best thing to do is to accept that things aren't going to be the way that they were and try and make a new life and a new start for yourself that doesn't involve him or his ex and, I'm so sorry to say it, but your best friend be a bigger person and that will make you feel so much better in the long run when you eventually meet someone amazing that will top your ex and your ex best friend. I feel your pain R x
Author smile01 Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 i know! having mutual friends is awful! i delete him of facebook but he comments on people im also friends with. Its hard to explain to people how much it hurts everytime he is brought up in conversation. I cant get away from him and thats all i want. I brought sean into my friendship group so he got to know people...but i didnt think she would stick up for him. I miss the way things were...i feel so lonley atm and i dont want him back but i still miss everything the way it was. Its hard to know he is so over me...he has a new girl, a new job, new friends.....but he treated me like crap since the break up. He deserves nothing! but he has got everything :/ meh life sucks. I know exactly how your feeling, sounds were in nearly the same boat! Thank you because it almost feels better that im not alone going through this! x
iwanttolive Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 You know what? His life is not as high as you perceive it to be. His new gf maybe a control freak or a neurotic but you don't know about it! And two can play that game. Make your life seems perfect even if you're hurting inside! Go to the gym, slim down and tone up! Get a new haircut and fabulous outfit.. And oh, is the sun shining? Go get that golden sexy tan... I felt the same way as you are now tow years ago. My bf who was ten years older than me dumped me and kicked me out of his house. I rented a small room and my tv was a tiny 14 inch. On the other hand, he lived in his not-too-bad apartment with a plasma tv and a not-too-bad car. I downgraded from being driven to and from work by him to taking the subway and buses. The worst was that he verbally abused me and sneered at me before he dumped me. I was so hurt I wished something bad happened to him. None, in fact he got married. I kept asking why bad people continue to leads good life. Recently I found out that his wife miscarried twice and may not be able to conceive forever. He also bought a house at a peak price which crashed afterwards!
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Every cloud has a silver lining. Try to focus on the silver lining of every cloud you come across, but when it comes to his life, focus on the clouds. He may be happy without you, or he may seem it, but normally when people are happy, they don't feel the need to batter the point to death. When you're really happy, you normally just feel it and share it with your close friends and family - you don't run around telling it to everybody. Whether he loves you or hates you, he is constantly talking about you and so you are still important in some way to him. If you can ignore them and appear happy even if inside you are not, he will realise he can't get to you. I'm so sorry you have lost 2 of the people you valued most. I also lost a lot more than my ex after we split. But sometimes we realise who our true friends are in these situations and sadly, sometimes its the people we liked, trusted and valued most. You will get through this! Let them bitch and let them whine if they must - hold your head up and do what makes you happy. People will see who the TRUE idiots in this situation are!
Author smile01 Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 it makes me feel like i have done something wrong. But i cant take anymore hurt so im trying to stick up for myself. My ex told me that he had lied to me for a while and hadnt loved me for months, so when my best friend lied to me about inviting him and his new girl...id had enough. I dont want anyone lieing to me any more. I hate it. Its hard because im only 18 and i met him when i was 16...so i was still a kid when i met him and i went through so much with him and now it feels odd to be a woman and single compared to the kid i was when i met him...it feels like i gave a crucial 2 years where most people try to find out who they are, to him. Now im so lost! I am trying to smile when i feel hurt and down but its so hard...i thought i would be over him after 3 months but im not. Thanks for your advice i appreciate it! im trying so hard to smile even when i feel rubbish. I have been asked out on a date so im thinking of going for it? I dont want my ex to hold back my life anymore!
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