Just came to a relisation that my friend is a total cow! Need to vent.

[OpheliacMuffin]

I know this is my first post but I have nowhere else to vent it to except it is to my boyfriend as we both have experienced the underlying nastiness that was my friendship with a friend I shall call "Hannah" and her defacto "Charlotte."

 

I meet Hannah last year on a bus which was in the city. We were both going to the same concert and it is instant chatting.

 

I was excited that I made a new friend and so was my boyfriend (we rarely go out as we live in a small community and the only friends we have are work related and we don't really get together).

 

Found out that she lived only 15 minutes by car away from my parents place. So it was even more exciting.

 

When my boyfriend and I went to the city we both went to her place. She was cheeriful, a good hostess and very bubbly. She lived with her aunt and her son. However she talked about her partner Charlotte and it seemed to have gotten her sad. So I was worried about the well being for Hannah. As was my boyfriend.

 

Then we had holidays so S.O and I went to the city to look after my parents house while they were away. I can say that everyday we were there, we would all get up and jump in the car to go to Hannah's place. We barely spent time at my parents place.

 

So breaking it down to why I say my friend is a cow.

We (Boyfriend and I)

*Were in the city she would constatly text us or call us and beg us to come over to her place.

*Would turn up at her house and it was just us sitting there and basically doing nothing.

*Bought her groceries and she didn't offer to pay us back.

*were worried when her other half would start to pick on her infront of us

 

Then this weekend, Boyfriend and I thought it would be nice to go see her with my cousin who was here from overseas. Just for two to three hours while her defacto was out at work. We called to arrange it and Hannah goes "You two can come but we don't want you cousin over because we don't know him." Mind you this is two hours away from us.

 

When we got off I turned to my boyfriend and said "Wait we can't go because I don't want to leave my cousin behind, especially not knowing their way here."

 

So we both decided that we would meet up half way and went to call Hannah who turned around and screamed at us "Great, I bought all this food and alcohol. Just for you to turn around and want to meet half-way. Why would I want to go half way for."

 

Even when I said my cousin was over and the natural thing was to meet half way and just go out to a bar or to a resturant. She ranted at me.

Obviously she thought we were going to spend the night there.

 

Now the things which made boyfriend and I take a step back was:

 

*She insisted that we go to her place. Never to ours even when we have offered.

 

*She constantly started to make jibes about me being overweight (I'm over weight, a small pot belly and small lovehandles) and she started to condesending me asking me the most stupidest questions as if I were a child.

 

*I found out her partner and her tried to coax my boyfriend to lay in their bed. And when he refused they grilled him as to why. He just had his tonsils out four days previous and was at my parents place to recover.

 

*Hannah told me that she felt that my boyfriend was giving her signals that he really liked her. The signal my boyfriend told her about this dream he had where he was at a nightclub with 20 women and he could see her getting jealous of all the attention.

 

*With which she then made a point of saying. "He makes me feel uncomfortable on his own. I am not saying this to hurt you. I'm telling you the truth. I don't want to see you guys break up but if you do I'll still see him and you."

 

*Boyfriend told me when he went and visited her on his own, her aunt started to question him and said to him "Why don't you go and sleep with Hannah. You two would make an adorable couple." All this in front of Hannah and he replied "I can't believe you would say that. I'm not going to toss aside five years with Opheliac just because you think I would be good with your daughter. I love Opheliac and we have been through alot together." My boyfriend doesn't lie. He has never lied to me in all five years.

 

Now Hannah is texting me because she wants to know what I'm doing. I feel like I need to end this friendship. Gah How do I end it.

[KikiW]

Two ways to do it - back out slowly with a smile on your face and apologies because "I'm so sorry, my parents/siblings/cousins/co-workers are here and I can't get away." or another excuse along those veins. Or you simply say "Listen, I have had some great times with you, but I think we've reached the limit of our friendship."

 

It sounds to me like she sees you as competition for your own boyfriend, and that raises some huge red flags. Of course, it should go without saying that your boyfriend should be on the same page with you on this... he cannot continue to see her socially if you have become uncomfortable with what she says to him.

 

Good luck.

[vintagecat]

Mooo!

 

KikiW has it right. Hannah and that whole household sounds like more trouble than you might want to get tangled into and if I had a crystal ball I'd suggest that things might be even more complex in the future should you continue to have a relationship with her.

 

What was that about not allowing your cousin to visit? And after that she was expecting you to ditch your cousin to come to her place and getting angry because you didn't? What?

 

Personally that would have been the point that I would have questioned the wisdom of continuing the friendship without all that other just plain weird stuff involving your boyfriend..."go sleep with Hannah" says the aunt? OMG!

 

Seems like there's something amiss here because that part (sleep with Hannah, come lie in our bed) is just plain off and well outside the realm of normalcy of the usual boundary issues between even good friends. Perhaps too much was shared/allowed too soon with these people and there is now nothing off limits in their eyes, including harsh commentary on your physical appearance and a proposal of sex with your boyfriend.

 

You are better off ending it now. Solidly and unambiguously. Hopefully SO is prepared to do so as well. Best of luck.

 

Cat