How should I feel?

[Saffron19]

Ok heres everything that has been going on. Ive been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months so far. He just got out of the army in July of '09 and we started dating in October of '09. I knew he was into drinking, expecially Scottish Whiskey. Everytime id go over there he'd have a glass. (or a few). The first 3 months we were getting along so great that we decided to get an appartment together. About a week after living together I noticed that this Scotch was becoming a problem. Id come home at only 5 pm (keep in mind he gets off at 2:30 pm) and he'd already be passed out in bed for the whole night. Thats when I knew that was going to become a problem. I would feel so alone whenever I came home. I tried talking to him but obvsially he was drunk at the time. He would tell me that he drinks to fall asleep at night and that being in the army had nothing to do with it. On top of that that house would be a mess. He'd leave my laptop on the floor, dirty dishes everywhere, socks on the floor, just things of that sort. Well, one night I come home and decide to use my computer and when I opened it I discovered some hurtfull porn. I got upset and confronted him about it and he said he wouldnt do it again. Well, he did and thats when I had enough and blocked the websites. (Im pretty smart when it comes to computers so I can find out what websites he was using) A few weeks go by and I get him off the Scotch but then he switches to beer. I thought ok thats fine because beer isnt that strong. WRONG. Instead of coming home to him passed out, id come home to him just sitting on the couch zoning out and just very chilled. He was drunk but still awake. I thought that would be fine at first till I started feeling like I was by myself. We would barely talk because he'd be so tired from work (only one day off a week and 2 half days, working 8 hours everyday) So then I started limiting him to 5 beers a day. Well that didnt work either. So then I said well what about Monday and Tuesday nights since he has Tuesday off. He agreed and that has been working (at least I thought) untill one day I found him in the laundery room with the attic down. I asked what he was doing and he was hiding something behind the door so I said "what is that?" and it was a bottle of rum. He was hidding it in the attic along with 3 other empty scotch bottles. He swears that the scotch was from a long time ago (which I do believe) but it really hurt that he lied to me about it. We also have some new neighbors that like to drink and he occasionally goes over there while im at work but when I ask how much hes had he lies and I know hes lieing because I can tell by the way he is talking and acting. What really has set me off is today I was on my way to work when I remembered I forgot something so I turn around and go back home. When I open the door he jumps up off the floor in his boxers and says "what are you doing home?!" I said "what the he** are you doing?! (as im in tears and shaking nonstop)" He doesnt have the laptop that I blocked the websites on, he has my brand new laptop that ive been keeping iin the bedroom and only use it for games since it has lots of memory on it. Hes watching porn and drinking rum. I hadnt even left the house for 10 mintues and hes watching porn. I dont understand, we were home together for at least an hour before I left for work so why the second I leave for work does he do all of this?? Im not to upset about the rum part. Im just tired of fighting about his drinking that im trying not to care how much he drinks now. But im really upset and dissappointed with him about the porn. He knew how bad it hurt me when I discovered it 6 months ago. I ended up calling work and telling them I was going to be late becaue I was so upset. I couldnt even dial their number I was shaking so bad, he had to dial it for me. I could tell he felt bad about the porn but when it comes to the drinking he says he doesnt see why I have a problem with it since he doesnt act violent or anything like that. He says he just wants to come home and have a drink after working 6 days a week. Im just worried that his old ways will come back. Sure 5 beers is ok but pretty soon I think its gonna be 6 then 7 then 8 then what do you know were back at square one. We are in a very serious relationship so this isnt something that we can just be like "oh this isnt working" we both WANT to make it work. We really are in love with eachother im just not sure how I should be feeling about the drinking and porn. Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[confused&inlove1]

Saffron19,

 

 

Im sorry to hear about your current situation, all I can say is that I have been there. My ex husband had a drinking problem, sure it stated out as drinks with the boys on the weekends then, those weekend drinks slipped into the week. Not long after that it was everyday. Whats worse is my ex would get violent. Not with me but he would look for fights with every Tom Dick and Harry. He had multiple arrests for fighting, and a DWI.. I loved him very much, and when he was not drinking I was a queen. I never had to want for anything because he would do whatever it took to make me happy. However, you cant live off trinkets, and time is a horrible teacher. I wasted almost 10 years with a man who spent allot of time drinking and partying with friends. He would go out after work come home - throw up and go to bed.. Repeat Repeat Repeat..... Why you ask did stay??? well I believed he would change, we bought a house, new cars.... etc... but nothing changed. He would drink stay up late, wait for me to go to sleep and watch porn.... I caught him it was horrible. I felt betrayed. All i can tell you from my own experience is that his drinking problem will only way you down. You cannot have a real future with someone who drinks on his level. Believe me their are men who do not drink and will treat you better. Dont waste time trying to save someone who cannot save themselves.