Parents & family don't aprove of my relationship...Broken Heart

[cxgirl]

This is rather long so I apologize.

I have never felt so confused and hurt in my life. I'll start by saying I am 23 and the guy I have been seeing is 26. It has been a pretty rocky road for him and I. When we first started dating he had been using drugs and partying alot. I don't do drugs. At first I was able to look past it but it started getting out of hand. He also has anger issues and has been quite verbally abusive toward me. Whenever things would go wrong, I would go to my mom about how I was feeling and now I feel all that has been used against me. We broke up back in march for about 5 weeks, and were back together mid april. My family naturally never wanted me to speak to him again as his anger was getting out of control. Well.. its now august and the gig is up. I knew eventually my family would find out him and I got back together. My mom has given me the ultimatum of her or the guy. She is telling my whole family today and is telling my dad, who she hasnt spoken to in years because she knows he is very strict and will be very angry with me. She told me, this is my intervention and she wants to send me away to a treatment center. I understand they all love me, and want what is best for me however, I am a grown lady and I think I have a right to spend time with whoever I want without being threatened to lose my family forever.

I love this man so much..he has come along way from the beginning so that him and I can be happy. (stopping drug use, partying, counselling on his anger problems). I get that I have to say goodbye to him once and for all and this hurts very badly. I just don't understand why this is the end of the world if he makes me happy. And now that we've come to be in a great place I have to say goodbye.

[amerikajin]

This is rather long so I apologize.

I have never felt so confused and hurt in my life. I'll start by saying I am 23 and the guy I have been seeing is 26. It has been a pretty rocky road for him and I. When we first started dating he had been using drugs and partying alot. I don't do drugs. At first I was able to look past it but it started getting out of hand. He also has anger issues and has been quite verbally abusive toward me. Whenever things would go wrong, I would go to my mom about how I was feeling and now I feel all that has been used against me. We broke up back in march for about 5 weeks, and were back together mid april. My family naturally never wanted me to speak to him again as his anger was getting out of control. Well.. its now august and the gig is up. I knew eventually my family would find out him and I got back together. My mom has given me the ultimatum of her or the guy. She is telling my whole family today and is telling my dad, who she hasnt spoken to in years because she knows he is very strict and will be very angry with me. She told me, this is my intervention and she wants to send me away to a treatment center. I understand they all love me, and want what is best for me however, I am a grown lady and I think I have a right to spend time with whoever I want without being threatened to lose my family forever.

I love this man so much..he has come along way from the beginning so that him and I can be happy. (stopping drug use, partying, counselling on his anger problems). I get that I have to say goodbye to him once and for all and this hurts very badly. I just don't understand why this is the end of the world if he makes me happy. And now that we've come to be in a great place I have to say goodbye.

 

As someone who is currently dealing with family/relationship issues, I am sympathetic to you.

 

Nevertheless, your family does seem to have valid concerns. Drugs, partying, no ambition, and being verbally abusive...these are things that older people have seen and been through. They know what kind of problems people like this can cause, and they are of the opinion that you can do better than this. And to be perfectly honest, they're probably right.

 

That being said, regardless of whatever they do or don't see in him, I do agree that it is your life, and that you should be free to make your own decisions. In short, you should have the freedom to suffer the consequences of your own decisions, good, bad, or otherwise. The flip side, of course, is that people never know: things may somehow turn out okay in the end. But even if they don't, you have the right to deal with that yourself and learn from your mistakes. Indeed, that can be a good thing, provided your life isn't in danger of being lost or permanently ruined.

 

And I completely disagree with the manner in which your mother is dealing with this - reminds me of my family (though they haven't quite done that - yet). Family should offer to support their relatives, even when they don't agree with them.