Rainforest Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 (edited) I moved out to the middle of nowhere about 3 years ago and I met someone I'll just call "A." "A" and I hit it off as we were both out of towners, close in age, in the middle of nowhere. We fell very much into love with one another and everything was perfect. There were small problems here and there, but he was so hard working and so kind. However, the last 8 months became hell. All of a sudden he no longer had money, got an apartment to deal with the shakiness of the relationship, and disappeared for like 2 hours at a time, and didn't sleep, all night. We worked things out but he couldn't break the lease on the apartment. The lease is due to expire in about 4 months. He sold an XBOX I bought for him 2 Christmases ago to someone for like $80. You know where this is going, right? Flash forward to last week. My mother was looking for the TV remote the other night so we could watch a movie together. She found an empty semi-melted pen barrel, tin foil, and a syringe cap. I looked around a bit more, and found 6 syringe caps, a used sodium chloride syringe, bloody wads of tissue, bacitracin packets, and residue of methamphetamine in wads of foil. I can't remember the last time I've cried like this. He came in from work that night, 4 hours late as usual, and goes "Why do you look like that?" I told him everything I found. He went crimson, stared at the floor, mumbled "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," packed his things, and left. I started getting apologies on Facebook from him. He keeps telling me "He loves me and cares for me and he's so sorry he put me through this." Nowhere did it say he was going to get help. He just wrote "We should consider this a breakup but not permanent." I need to stress this -- I've NEVER USED THIS STUFF, and NEVER WILL. That's what's horrible too...he could have gotten me arrested for his selfish need to shoot up. I've been trying to get my household stuff back that he's borrowed, like my vacuum cleaner, towels, etc. from his crack den of an apartment. It looks like no one was even there when I knocked on the door today. There was a window open and a newspaper dropped outside, as if he had never come home. I wonder if he's been doing his drugs somewhere else, or if there is someone else in his life. I went to his job to see if I could find him to get my things back. They said he'd be in in a little while so I left him a message to check for a note at his apartment to return things to me. I am so sick to my stomach. I loved this person more than anything. I live somewhere that is the spangled diamond-encrusted buckle of the Bible Belt. I stick out like a sore thumb and don't fit the "norms" of the people here. Everyone here is married by 22 with children and goes to church 3x a week. I am close to 30. I don't even know how I ended up here, sometimes. I am getting ready to pack my home and move to a large city again where I can meet people. I don't have any friends here. My mother was only here to visit for a while. She's acting like she hates me now since we made the discovery. Will he ever get better? Is there anything I should be doing right now? I am so hurt. I miss him, but I don't miss the drug addict. I keep hearing he'll never beat the odds, but a friend of mine (far away) who is a drug/alcohol counselor says he can. I am so sad, so so so sad...I am devastated by everything. BTW, I will also be getting a blood test. I am watching my father die. I worked with kids with cancer. They don't have a chance to have the gift of a healthy body. This guy did, and he's ruining it, and he could have ruined mine. He's from a broken home. A's mother knew what was going on. She's like sing-songy "Stop it, A." She's pathetic in dealing with his problems since he was a child, from what I'm seeing. A's sister is a piece of work. She thought all this time *I* was abusing him and making him look like the drug addict he was, and started talking smack about me. I finally got desperate and contacted A's father and stepfamily 2000 miles away for help. They contacted A's mother and sister. His mother and sister refuse to put him in rehab and won't work with me on getting this guy into a safe place. It's almost like they enjoy his weakness. Edited August 8, 2010 by Rainforest
Don Ho Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Rainforest, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation and I understand your pain. Of course you do and will miss him. That's NORMAL. Ok. So. You picked a guy that's really a mess with a lot of baggage. You need to ask yourself WHY so you don't subconsciously do it again. He might get better with the drugs he might not. But WHY would you want to spend all your emotional time and energy dealing with someone with such deep rooted problems. Don't tell me "cuz I love him" or I may throw up. You have to put your emotions aside and look at the facts. He is a very troubled guy with big problems and substance issues. Would you tell your BFF to tough it out with a man like that? I would hope not if you were really a friend. So. "Woman up" and move on. No contact. And that means not being a codependent and "helping" him along as a friend. MAYBE in five years, if you haven't met the guy of your dreams, if you're not married, IF he cleans up, if he deals with all his childhood problems, IF he gets responsible and turns his life around, THEN you can consider contact or even being friends. You are not Dr. Drew at Sober House. You don't have the ability to deal with his problems. Move on. You will be better, promise.
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