itteloc Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 So my ex sends me a text message today. We broke up a month and half ago. We haven't spoke since we broke up since neither of us has tried to reach out to the other person. We don't have mutual friends so there is no hearing what is up with the other person or any real chance of us crossing paths since we live in different towns about a half hour apart. Their initial text was hello and that they were thinking of me. So i responded back with a regular hey how are things and we kept it to small talk (work, family, etc). I didn't show any inclination of me "thinking of them", professing any feelings I may have for them, or anything like that. The conversation finally died down after a little bit and neither of us ended it with any closure. No goodbye, no anything. It just stopped. It was weird. Why do you think they really sent me a text? Should I try to message them back and try to meet up? I mean I miss them and all but have been focusing on me and doing some casual dating having fun since our break up. Or should I just leave it as is with no closure on this convo? Thanks!
106rob Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Why did you break up? Do you want to try again? If you are over it now and happy then I would think hard, you may end up back to squair 1 or even more hurt than first time round if it goes pearshaped again, like I said depends on the terms of break up and weather you can/ want to work it out
Author itteloc Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 (edited) Thanks for answering me Rob. Basically an ex of mine contacted me out of the blue which obviously I have no control over. I was upfront with her about it and I was actually venting/complaining that this girl contacted me. Well that backfired because she totally flipped out, we got in a huge fight and she called it off. That was almost 2 months ago and we never spoke since. I didn't plead to get her back and she never contacted me so I moved on. Part of me wants to try again. Part of me doesn't because I tried to rekindle a relationship that went sour only once before and it didn't work out so maybe I'm biased I'd say I'm split 50/50 on trying again at it. When we were together it was almost near perfect until this huge fight. That's how comfortable I was with her that I "thought" i could tell her anything even that an ex reached out to me. We got along like best friends, great communication, sex was great, etc. The only flaw I could say about her is she has some slightly selfish tendencies (but many women do I've learned over the years) but was overall she treated me great! It's just weird how our convo today ended without a goodbye, no closure or nothing. I've been dating since our break up and I'm enjoying myself I must say but I still do think about this person . I didn't think they thought about me anymore until obviously they messaged me. I'd contemplate rekindling but I do not know if that it was why they messaged me? Edited August 8, 2010 by itteloc
BigProc Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Who initiated the break up? Sorry if you have stated that, I have missed it if you have. I think it has a massive relevance. If its her who ended it, be careful of her motives.
Author itteloc Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 bigproc, she initiated the break up
EthanH Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 So my ex sends me a text message today. We broke up a month and half ago. We haven't spoke since we broke up since neither of us has tried to reach out to the other person. We don't have mutual friends so there is no hearing what is up with the other person or any real chance of us crossing paths since we live in different towns about a half hour apart. Their initial text was hello and that they were thinking of me. So i responded back with a regular hey how are things and we kept it to small talk (work, family, etc). I didn't show any inclination of me "thinking of them", professing any feelings I may have for them, or anything like that. The conversation finally died down after a little bit and neither of us ended it with any closure. No goodbye, no anything. It just stopped. It was weird. Why do you think they really sent me a text? Should I try to message them back and try to meet up? I mean I miss them and all but have been focusing on me and doing some casual dating having fun since our break up. Or should I just leave it as is with no closure on this convo? Thanks! I'm a little confused as your comments regarding how the texting conversation ended; 'It was weird'... seem to suggest it was her who stopped replying. If this is the case, why do ask if you should 'reply back'... if it is as I think it is, that she stopped texting, and you wonder if you should send her another text to try and start up communication again, I think it is a bad idea. But I also think being coy is like playing games, which is a stupid thing to do as often you can both end up seeming the opposite to how you both feel. I do think you need to see what her text was, essentially, it was her checking to see how you are. Often it is a power thing, ex's want to know if their ex is still thinking about them, especially if you have popped into her head and confused her momentarily with 'happy thoughts'... a text asking how you are is not much, it is something which you shouldn't really make too much of, although i understand that is easier than done. I too have looked for any small bit of hope in any small gesture. If she wants to get back with you, as long as she knows you would be open to at least trying, it is ultimately up to her to contact you...
Author itteloc Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 I'm a little confused as your comments regarding how the texting conversation ended; 'It was weird'... seem to suggest it was her who stopped replying. If this is the case, why do ask if you should 'reply back'... if it is as I think it is, that she stopped texting, and you wonder if you should send her another text to try and start up communication again, I think it is a bad idea. But I also think being coy is like playing games, which is a stupid thing to do as often you can both end up seeming the opposite to how you both feel. I do think you need to see what her text was, essentially, it was her checking to see how you are. Often it is a power thing, ex's want to know if their ex is still thinking about them, especially if you have popped into her head and confused her momentarily with 'happy thoughts'... a text asking how you are is not much, it is something which you shouldn't really make too much of, although i understand that is easier than done. I too have looked for any small bit of hope in any small gesture. If she wants to get back with you, as long as she knows you would be open to at least trying, it is ultimately up to her to contact you... hey ethanthanks for your input. in reply to your message it just ended mutually. I didn't type anything further nor did she. we stopped talking after like 15 min of continous texting about small talk alhtough she brought up a beach we used to always go to and said she has not been since we broke up b/c its too soon.. that was the only thing i got out of the convo of her missing me...maybe your right and I am looking to deep into it and should just forget it and forget her
skydiveaddict Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 since she broke up with you I would go NC. You shouldn't have answered the text but what's done is is done. Ignore her from now on.
Author itteloc Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 What caused the break-up? Basically an ex of mine contacted me out of the blue which obviously I have no control over. I was upfront with her about it and I was actually venting/complaining that this girl contacted me. Well that backfired because she totally flipped out, we got in a huge fight and she called it off. That was almost 2 months ago and we never spoke since. I didn't plead to get her back and she never contacted me so I moved on.
EthanH Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Basically an ex of mine contacted me out of the blue which obviously I have no control over. I was upfront with her about it and I was actually venting/complaining that this girl contacted me. Well that backfired because she totally flipped out, we got in a huge fight and she called it off. That was almost 2 months ago and we never spoke since. I didn't plead to get her back and she never contacted me so I moved on. Hrm, so part of the reason could have been that she was checking to see if you were with your ex? TBH her reaction seems totally over the top...is she quite a stubborn character? Usually they say that when a woman breaks up with a guy, most of the time, there has to be some time of thinking along those lines, and while I hate stereotyping based on gender... it has been true in my experience. However, I don't think this sounds to be the case with this girl... was she generally insecure? I think she was too proud to admit she was wrong, and the more you didn't contact her, I'm sure the more she doubted your feelings for her. However, if she is too stubborn to get back in touch, I don't think she cares enough. I would say though, stop all the games, I don't mean running back to her or losing your self respect... but, I think she should at least know there is an 'in-route'...
K'aycie Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Did she try talking to you about it first at all? Also, is it at all possible that there were other things that caused mistrust on her end, and the call from the ex, could have been the cherry on top? Or, is she generally a mistrusting and insecure person, to the point that any little thing you do, she doesn't trust. That's where you kind of need to figure things out.
Author itteloc Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Did she try talking to you about it first at all? Also, is it at all possible that there were other things that caused mistrust on her end, and the call from the ex, could have been the cherry on top? Or, is she generally a mistrusting and insecure person, to the point that any little thing you do, she doesn't trust. That's where you kind of need to figure things out. She had jealous issues from her past b/c she had been cheated on by her last two boyfriends before me. Not b/c she was my girl but she was gorgeous and had no reason to be insecure. I never saw her jealous side until the fight when she dumped me and one other time when at my mothers house there was a photo album with me and that particular ex in it together and she was bothered by the photo for sure and told me that she thought they resembled one another and it bothered her! They didn't resemble each other in my eyes one bit!
EthanH Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 gah! see on one hand, I think, she broke up with you... so she should come back and for you to run back would just make her lose respect for you, and essentially, even if you did get back, the whole dynamic of the relationship would be changed. BUT I can understand why she is insecure/jealous etc etc, if only someone she respected other than you could just make her realise that you have to give someone a clean slate when it comes to relationships, it is only fair, and she shouldn't allow her past relationships to impact on how she sees and treats you. Seems like she has issues, but part of me thinks it must be something more than this... although if she has been cheated on twice, she will be massively scared of being hurt again. I'm guessing you tried to re-assure her?...but failed...?
K'aycie Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 You can't pay the price, for someone else's mistakes. She has trust issues, rightfully so, but at some point she has to take ownership of it and get it under control. You can only do what you can on your end, to eliminate those triggers for her, without having to compromise your own well being. Contact with ex's, pictures of ex's, things like that, can all just add to the demise of a relationship, especially if there is very little trust to begin with.
Author itteloc Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 gah! see on one hand, I think, she broke up with you... so she should come back and for you to run back would just make her lose respect for you, and essentially, even if you did get back, the whole dynamic of the relationship would be changed. BUT I can understand why she is insecure/jealous etc etc, if only someone she respected other than you could just make her realise that you have to give someone a clean slate when it comes to relationships, it is only fair, and she shouldn't allow her past relationships to impact on how she sees and treats you. Seems like she has issues, but part of me thinks it must be something more than this... although if she has been cheated on twice, she will be massively scared of being hurt again. I'm guessing you tried to re-assure her?...but failed...? I did try to re-assure her. I treated her like gold, better than any other girl I've been with. She masked the issue, she told me straight out in the beginning she had a jealousy issue b/c of her past two boyfriends cheating on her, but never flaunted the issue to me until this blow up. What's funny is the whole relationship she was initiating future talks like " marriage" in a couple of years, kids eventually, future trips, all of that. So should I wait to see if she contacts me back? Or should I try to text her this week sometime? Or leave it a dead issue? B/c I'm a good looking guy and not be conceited but I don't have a problem getting girls (actually have 2 dates lined up this week) and can do fine without her, but there was something special about this one. Only if I could ask so why did you really send me a text today? lol
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