In need of marital input

[oxymoronic]

I'd like to first start off by stating that I would never usually look to an online forum for advice over friends and family. However, because of the nature of the situation, I am too embarrassed to go to them.

 

I have been going insane for the last week thinking about this and I feel like I need someone to talk to and that I'm going to burst. I stopped talking to my Fiance because of the actions that took place and I would like to know if I handled the situation correctly and that my actions were justified.

 

I have been seeing my Fiance for about 2 1/2 years now. About 8 months ago I started noticing changes in his actions. He was hanging out more and more with his friends that were girls. Then he stopped hanging out with most of them completely out of the blue. About 3 months later I found out that he stopped hanging out with them because one of the girls liked him and that they kissed. I was very upset when I found this out because I asked him repeatedly if anything ever happened with any of the girls and he told me no. He took initiative to not put himself in that situation but he lied and I lost almost all my trust in him.

 

This 2nd event is what just transpired.

 

Some background for this situation:

We are currently in different states. We have never had sex and only plan on doing so when we are married.

 

I know that he has looked at porn from time to time. Recently however, I noticed that he looked at escorts, and I just read an email he sent to one trying to set up a meeting. I am disgusted and appalled by that behavior. They ended up not meeting up because he said that he couldn't go through with it. I believe it because no emails were sent finalizing a time nor numbers exchanged and I checked his phone records. However, I am very upset with the fact that he even considered it. I feel like he's not the moral individual I fell in love with. He acknowledges that what he was conspiring was disgusting and regrets doing so.

 

I have now called off everything, and I just need to know if I am handling this correctly.

 

 

Any input would be much much appreciated

 

Thanks,

Edited August 8, 2010 by oxymoronic

[Corporate]

 

I have now called off everything, and I just need to know if I am handling this correctly.

 

 

Any input would be much much appreciated

 

Thanks,

 

He is "hanging out" with girls and contacting hookers at the stage when you and him are supposed to be most in love without having to worry about kids/mortagage/retirements/groceries/makingdinner,etc., what do you think he will do when things gets boring and chorish 10 years into the marriage?

 

Many people in your shoes will consider this a blessing and get out FAST, before any more serious heartaches, STDs, divorce, humuliation, losing oneself, etc.!

 

I seriously think that, deep down, you know what you should do. You just need and try to find the courage to do it.

Edited August 8, 2010 by Corporate

[Ruby Slippers]

You dodged a bullet, and absolutely did the right thing.

[linwood]

 

 

Some background for this situation:

We are currently in different states. We have never had sex and only plan on doing so when we are married.

 

.......

 

I have now called off everything, and I just need to know if I am handling this correctly.

 

 

You did exactly the right thing.

 

Now he has a chance to find a woman without so many hang ups.

 

I hope he learned from his experience.

[You Go Girl]

You did exactly the right thing.

 

Now he has a chance to find a woman without so many hang ups.

 

I hope he learned from his experience.

 

I wish all your potential dates could read this. I wish it was branded on your forhead.

 

OP--A man who would try to hire a hooker is not for you. I am so sorry that he did this, even thought of doing this, after you have invested so much time and energy.

Heal, and then go find the right man.

[Stung]

C'mon Linwood. He's a big boy who chose to get engaged to a woman who was against sex before marriage, he made his own bed. Anyway we have no idea if he was claiming to be just as on-board with the no-sex-til-marriage thing as his fiance, maybe he's one of those madonna-whore complex guys who thinks he should have the snow white virgin bride while getting to play with dirty temptresses on the side. None of us knows.

 

OP, you guys were clearly not a match. Your sexual values are different, and he can't really be trusted. It hurts I am sure, but you are actually lucky that you found out where your core values differed before the wedding, before you were legally and financially tied. And so so lucky that you found out you can't really trust his word about sex before you started sleeping with him yourself, or had children with him.

 

I think you're handling it correctly. A single kiss in a moment of confusion or cold feet might be forgivable, but kissing, hanging out constantly with other women, deliberately looking up prostitutes, all while he's supposed to be thinking about and preparing for your life together...NOT GOOD.

[funnyluv]

Yes you absolutely did the right thing. Don't doubt yourself for one second and don't look back.