spriggig Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 While I agree that No Contact is the ideal solution, actually maintaining No Contact is virtually impossible for many of us. Unless you're fortunate enough to live in a different town or state from your ex, the chances of running into them are pretty high. Especially if you share the same circle of friends or are forced into contact because of work or children. So, you can be assured that you will mostly likely have unexpected contact with your ex as some point in the future--probably sooner than would be healthy. Here's some milestones you can expect to pass: Ex contacts you to "check in", but not reconcile. The Ex texts, calls or even shows up on your doorstep to chat about nothing in particular, making sure to highlight the positive changes in their lives since leaving you. You see the Ex unexpectedly at some random event and the Ex purposefully approaches you. Often, the Ex will have a new friend and appears completely happy and over you. You get news of the Ex from a mutual friend who may or may not have your best interests at heart. This news can be anything from the Ex "seems so happy with the new SO" to the Ex "is always sad now" or even, the Ex "is married and has a baby on the way". If you think about this now, you can probably guesstimate the likelihood of one of these things or something similar happening in your particular circumstance. This is where preparing comes in. Rather than avoid these thoughts and do something else to put them out of your mind, embrace them and work through them now in your imagination. It's easy and natural to imagine the Ex doing poorly after the break-up, we all do that. Now, do the harder thing--imagine them happy without you and with someone else. Imagine them completely over you and never thinking about the relationship you once shared. Imagine them having the best sex ever, far better than with you. Imagine receiving an engagement announcement or wedding invitation. While this may be painful, it's virtually a given that you'll have to face one of these situations in reality. Imagining these things now, in private and on your terms will help prepare you for the inevitable.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Ouch this all really hurts but I know I have to do it, thanks
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Now, do the harder thing--imagine them happy without you and with someone else. Imagine them completely over you and never thinking about the relationship you once shared. Imagine them having the best sex ever, far better than with you. Imagine receiving an engagement announcement or wedding invitation. While this may be painful, it's virtually a given that you'll have to face one of these situations in reality. Imagining these things now, in private and on your terms will help prepare you for the inevitable. Well, mine started seeing his new girll BEFORE he even left me, so I have no choice. I can tell you right now - it farking hurts like a b.i.t.c.h. Getting a ton better though! Thinking the worst makes it easier...eventually
LoveTruthChaos Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Now, do the harder thing--imagine them happy without you and with someone else. Imagine them completely over you and never thinking about the relationship you once shared. Imagine them having the best sex ever, far better than with you. Imagine receiving an engagement announcement or wedding invitation. While this may be painful, it's virtually a given that you'll have to face one of these situations in reality. Imagining these things now, in private and on your terms will help prepare you for the inevitable. Well, mine started seeing his new girll BEFORE he even left me, so I have no choice. I can tell you right now - it farking hurts like a b.i.t.c.h. Getting a ton better though! Thinking the worst makes it easier...eventually
cookie2 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Well, mine started seeing his new girll BEFORE he even left me, so I have no choice. I can tell you right now - it farking hurts like a b.i.t.c.h. Getting a ton better though! Thinking the worst makes it easier...eventually Yep same here -- and agreed, letting yourself think about it (rather than distract yourself with gym, runs, loud music etc) is horrible, but better in the long run.
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