BrokenUp Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Hi all, I posted here before and have come to a fork in the road. I was wondering if I'm actually starting to having feeling that I want divorce or I'm still experiencing the normal post separation feelings. background info: I lasted posted in another topic that my w and I are separated for 5 months now and we were going out to diner together over the last 3 weeks with little in interaction except for normal everyday topics being talked about like what I'm doing with my time and the same for her. I was also gonna do the nc rule but that isn't possible because of our kids. Dilemma My first problem is that I'm not sure if these diners are actually opening her up slowly because she was willing to take some of the self help material that I was listening and reading for self betterment. Before she was unwilling to do that. I'm not gonna ask her if she actually used any of these things because she'd see that as pushing her. I'm gonna wait one more week and see if she says anything. My counter problem is that over the last 10 days is that I've been feeling nub to her and I'm not interested in what shes doing due to the lack of any other interaction with her. I also am realizing that i'm not in love with who she is now and I'm still in love with who she was before our kids came along. I know in the last year I've felt so unneeded by her and that has kill my love inside for her. In these same 10 days I've been asked out twice but don't feel that I should go out with these women because of me religious beliefs. I'm unsure if this is a normal reaction because i final saw that other women are noticing me or if this is my heart and head really telling me that I don't believe there is a future with her and a divorce is for the best. My beleifs also tell me that i should try to work on this with her and that her taking the material is a sign that she is at least willing to hear me out on some level. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has had this dilemma happen to them or similar and could offer any insight.
ishmaiel Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 By not discussing what is important (the state of your separation and marriage) you are, through this inaction, making it more difficult to reconnect. By limiting conversation to small talk, you're reinforcing the fact that neither of you want to talk about your situation. Whether this is due to discomfort, uncertainty of approach, or just for the sake of having an easier time, it all sends the same signal (to both yourselves and one another). If discussing your situation, and her progress, is important to you - do it. Don't wait for your wife to bring up the topic. For all you know, she may be waiting for you to start. Don't second guess. You don't know what she is thinking. Don't take things as signs - these can be easily misinterpreted. In these kinds of difficult (and complex) situations, don't leave communication to chance. Say what you feel, mean and wish to do. It is brutally difficult - I know - but it will replace the stress and fear in your mind with thoughts that reflect the reality. Thus, instead of dealing with fears about what may or may not be true, you will be dealing with what is actually going on. Good luck and best wishes, M
Author BrokenUp Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 having read your response and getting to where i'm at I told her we need to talk or its over. She used the kids as defense to not talk. I'm at my parents, bs! I saw she was home. She is doing everything not to talk to me about us. Shes hiding something huge and doesn't want to talk about. How do I get her to talk?
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