Is it normal for people to have 2 FWB at the same time?

[fwang]

Just wonder.

 

I am in a FWB situation.

 

Frankly speaking, I don't wanna be his FWB. However, according to him, he doesn't see a future with me because I am not stable enough. I am too young. And he can't take the risk to have a long term relationship with me even though he likes me and feels comfortable and relaxed when spending time with me. He says that he doesn't wanna be attached to somebody.

 

I am not stupid. I know what he wants is just FWB without any commitment.

 

But yesterday, I happened to know that he brought another girl to his apartment in the middle night. Apparently, he hanged out with me on weekdays and hanged out with that girl on weekends. My schedule is Tuesday and Friday. Hers is more like Thursday and Saturday. And I also figured out that whenever he doesn't respond to any message of mine and doesn't pick up the damn phone, he is with the other girl.

 

The girl is at the same age as me. We are both kinda young. And I am pretty sure this situation lasts at least 5 weeks. And he and I just hanged out for 6 weeks.

 

The weird part is, after knowing the truth, I don't feel anything, angry or sad or disappointed. I think this guy is lost. He told me that he was ready to settle down with a 32-35 years old women. But what he is doing now is to fool around with early 20 years old girl.

 

But I am also lost. I don't know where are my boundaries. I just don't wanna be alone.

 

I am new to the word "FWB". And I would like to know more about it. Could somebody gives me any advice?

[a_woman]

getting some dignity would be a good start

[alexlakeman]

Being an fwb and having feelings for the person is a terrible combination!!! If you have feelings for him but know he doesn't , then move on, unless you are happy just to be a bed buddy..

 

I've done the same thing... Actually freaking happening right now... One girl sees me Mon-Thurs... God forbid she spends a weekend with me.. so I know on weekends I won't expect a call from her, if I ask her out on the weekend, she's busy... etc.. I live with it, that's fine... I got the weekends to go out with potential longer terms girlfreinds...

 

Then an ex g/f shows up in my doorstep a few months ago.. no, no, lol, that sounds, bad, lol... anyway she calls me a couple months ago, and finally after sleeping together for a couple months , I think she realized it and said "even if we're just freinds with benifits I love seeing you"... I wouldn't have a relationship with this one b/c she's just not my type .

 

At your age being an fwb and mixing feelings is bad, get out of it now.. good luck

[sugarmomma]

Get out and don't settle. Wait for someone who really wants to be w you and vice versa. Your first boundary should be don't settle for sex w someone who doesn't give a care about you.

[zengirl]

I always thought the whole point of a FWB was to have someone to have safe, exclusive sex with when you can't find someone you like enough to date, but what do I know about it? Not much.

 

Just wonder.

 

I am in a FWB situation.

 

Frankly speaking, I don't wanna be his FWB. However, according to him, he doesn't see a future with me because I am not stable enough. I am too young. And he can't take the risk to have a long term relationship with me even though he likes me and feels comfortable and relaxed when spending time with me. He says that he doesn't wanna be attached to somebody.

 

I am not stupid. I know what he wants is just FWB without any commitment.

 

But yesterday, I happened to know that he brought another girl to his apartment in the middle night. Apparently, he hanged out with me on weekdays and hanged out with that girl on weekends. My schedule is Tuesday and Friday. Hers is more like Thursday and Saturday. And I also figured out that whenever he doesn't respond to any message of mine and doesn't pick up the damn phone, he is with the other girl.

 

The girl is at the same age as me. We are both kinda young. And I am pretty sure this situation lasts at least 5 weeks. And he and I just hanged out for 6 weeks.

 

The weird part is, after knowing the truth, I don't feel anything, angry or sad or disappointed. I think this guy is lost. He told me that he was ready to settle down with a 32-35 years old women. But what he is doing now is to fool around with early 20 years old girl.

 

But I am also lost. I don't know where are my boundaries. I just don't wanna be alone.

 

I am new to the word "FWB". And I would like to know more about it. Could somebody gives me any advice?

 

I do know this sounds bad. You don't want to be his FWB. You have feelings for him. He is sleeping with other people. He just wants to screw you and has said so, and it's causing you emotional duress. He's lost? Maybe, but here's what you need to worry about: You're lost.

[brainygirl]

Is it normal to be FWB with multiple people? Generally no, the purpose of FWB arragements is to have a sexual connection without having to risk sleeping with multiple people and without commitments.

 

I think you need to end this arrangement.

[carhill]

Isn't FWB a modern-day equal opportunity version of the quintessential 'black book'? In the 'old days' the guy, single or married, had his list of rendezvous potentials, whether local or in his travels, and he would ring up a lady and 'spend some time' with her, usually having sex. FWB seems to be a more boiled-down version of that, with no 'time' factored in other than for mutual or singular orgasms. In that vein, with no attachments or investment, presuming safe sex is involved, a person so inclined could have a different FWB potential for every day of the year. If one is unavailable or not interested, just go down to the next name in the 'black book'.

 

Since the OP sounds like she is not interested in the 'black book' experience, modern-day style, IMO she would be wise to end this arrangement. The man will just go down the list to the next potential. No worries. He'll be fine. Good luck

[Pfiend101]

This guy is a player. Hes using you. Get out now. Your going to get your heart crushed trying to change him. At least he's being somewhat honest with you about about not wanting to have anything serious. Strap your boots on grow some kahonis and find someone else. That's my advice. Also..... you cant change him... you WONT change him.

Edited August 8, 2010 by Pfiend101

[Feelin Frisky]

I don't know if it's normal but I've had two at one time. I knew neither was faithful to me and they took care of my needs in between LTR 1 and LTR 2 (and actually again afterer LTR 2 tore my heart out) I knew both FWBs admired me and I just yielded. I'm innocent I tell ya, innocent!!!

[alexlakeman]

He's not using her! She's just a hook up ... sounds better.. but she's enjoying the sex too, lol..

 

But, OP, like I said b4.,.. as long as you know what the game is, that your just fwb's to each other you'll be fine...if not get out now..

 

 

When he calls you does he say "he babe , I've missed you, I want to take you out for dinner"? or does he say "Hey, let's hook up, come on over"?

 

LOL

[tami-chan]

I don't know much about FWBs. That said, I think you should end this, the potential for your heart to be broken is great and you do not respect him, anyway.

[bac]

It is normal to have as many FWBs as a person can handle.

The goal of FWBs to have sex for fun. If you have fun/benefits with the guy, you might want to continue to do him. When you start feeling uncomfortable or hurt emotionally, you might want to stop doing him. Ask yourself about your benefits with him? Do you have any benefits? Does it feel right and great?

In other words, in FWBs you should have obvious benefits for yourself with no negative feelings and consequences.

As for the guy, how old is he?

Based on his actions, he does not look like a poor lost guy.

He gets the best pleasures of this life. He is a winner.

He could manage to find and do a few young girls at the same time. There is nothing better any guy can do in terms of getting laid.

[fwang]

I also figured out that, whenever he is with that girl, he would never pick up the phone or text me back. One thing werid about me is, I am not mad about the fact that he has two FWB. I am pissed off only because he doesn't text me back on time and keep me waiting.

 

We spent time together yesterday and agreed to meet on Wednesday. Our typical night is like this:

 

meet at his place at 8 pm, then go out for a dinner. After that, we will cuddle each other on the sofa and watch the TV. Around 11 pm, we will go to bed and sleep together.

 

I have several questions for men:

 

1.You choose to hang out with 2 girls at the same time, is it because you like them both or you don't like either of them?

 

2.All the men want to date 2 or more girls at the same time?

 

3.For a man who is 38 years old, does he really can have sex every night? Isn't too much for him? (Just curious)

[alexlakeman]

I also figured .......................TV. Around 11 pm, we will go to bed and sleep together.

 

I have several questions for men:

 

1.You choose to hang out with 2 girls at the same time, is it because you like them both or you don't like either of them?

 

2.All the men want to date 2 or more girls at the same time?

 

3.For a man who is 38 years old, does he really can have sex every night? Isn't too much for him? (Just curious)

 

1. Hmm.... really depends.. when I really like a woman, I want to spend most of my time with her, so if any fwb at the time, they get less and less of my time, until I feel the gf and me are in a "relationship", then I ditch the fwb for a while...

2. Not all the time, mostly b/c of $$ and the economy... that's a personal problem I have, so not saying it's right.. I have sought counseling b/c I just like dating as many women as I can .. Like getting as many #'s or getting into bed with as many.. etc.. seriously, I am seeing a thereapist on the matter..

3. I'm 43.. yeah, I can have it at night and in the am.. every night? Hmm, I'm mean we're human and I work, travel, etc.. so typically every couple days, sometimes 3-4 days in a row.. all depends... That's one of MY FEARS of committing to a LTR... that sex will die down and we'll end up just having sex 2-4 times per month, b/c the novelty has worn away...