IKillGiants Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 (edited) Hi, I need some help with a break up I'm going through. Me (21) and my girlfriend(20) have been going out for 1 year but broke up this week. The first 8 months of our relationship was amazing, we were both truly in love and saw a future with each other. We had so much trust for each other and were always calling and talking and were very happy. But one night she told me that her parents were going to pay for her to move away for a year to any place she wanted when she graduated(which will be next year). She had been wanting to do this her whole life and I didn't want to pressure her to stay and have her spite me for it so I tried not to bring it up. I kept having this horrible feeling that there was an experation date on our relationship now. The tension finally came out on Monday, after a few spats about the subject before, when she asked if I wanted to break up. I said no but she thought it would be better that we don't drag it out and have it hurt more later. She has been in relationships since 8th grade and only been single for 1 month at the longest and says that she needs to experience not having someone there for her. She doesn't want to find a new guy and she's not a girl that does hook ups and one night stands. She really just wants to be single for the first time in her life and said she can't do that if she's in a relationship. She says she still loves me and that I did nothing wrong and how sorry she is for doing this to me. I can understand what she means by wanting to be single since she has never really been it and wanting to find out about herself more. I have never been in a relationship with this much love and neither has she. We are talking occasionally because we miss each other and it feels good to see one another. What I need help with is figuring out if this is helping or hurting her and us. We've talked about whether this is us getting closure or just getting a "fix" and tricking our feelings into thinking that we're still in the relationship. I still want to be in a relationship with her and she does too but doesn't want it to hurt more later. There is still a year before she leaves and I don't really know what to do. Any advice would be great. Thanks Edited August 8, 2010 by IKillGiants
sloudrou Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Hi, I need some help with a break up I'm going through. Me (21) and my girlfriend(20) have been going out for 1 year but broke up this week. The first 8 months of our relationship was amazing, we were both truly in love and saw a future with each other. We had so much trust for each other and were always calling and talking and were very happy. At your age, what's the hurry? You probably have another 60-70 years of your life left, and if you're anything like most people your age, you probably don't have any idea what you want to do when you get older (incidentally, did you know that people who marry under the age of 25 have an 80% failure rate?). At your age, you should be concentrating on building your qualifications and your future career, and dating different women on a casual basis for companionship. That way, when you ARE old enough to think about marriage and kids, you'll be 1) in a better position financially to afford it; and 2) have a clearer picture of where you're going in life, and the qualities you're looking for in a partner. In the meantime, just enjoy what you have with the women you date in the present moment, and if anything further is meant to happen, it will in it's own time. She has been in relationships since 8th grade and only been single for 1 month at the longest and says that she needs to experience not having someone there for her. She doesn't want to find a new guy and she's not a girl that does hook ups and one night stands. She really just wants to be single for the first time in her life and said she can't do that if she's in a relationship. She says she still loves me and that I did nothing wrong and how sorry she is for doing this to me. I can understand what she means by wanting to be single since she has never really been it and wanting to find out about herself more. So let her go. She's clearly not ready for a serious committed relationship, so there's no point pretending or trying to force her into it. Maybe she just wants to try one night stands and hookups for the first time in her life, and would that really be so bad? Obviously she has something she wants to get out of her system before committing to a life long relationship with one partner, and she should be applauded for being honest about it.
Username37 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 My ex is the same dude. She wants to be single. I thought she was the "not hooking up" type and what did she do? Hooked up with some dude. Ehh, I guess just let her be.
106rob Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 i have been in this situation with my ex ex,she was going to uni in another part of the country,still wasnt that far away and i knew from about a year befre we split it was coming but never said anything and tried to sweep it under the carpet like you did mate,and then about a month before we had "the talk" same thing she had always been in relationships of some form since about 14 and wanted to be single and she had no shame/didnt hide the fact she wanted to have one night stands and more sexual expersiance with as many oher people as she could "like all her friends had done for years" anyway in the end we said we would work it out,but after knowing that i couldnt trust her anymore anyway,then found out she had been metting a now ex friend of mine on regular intervuls,i suspected somthing so checked her phone when she slipped up and left it when she went to the toilet onece (it started going everywhere with her and was never just on the side like it used to be for days untouced) and sure enough it was full of txts,so then i checked her facebook and e-mail,2 guys then cropped up with simmerler things and the rest is history as they say,i thaught i loved her and yes i was gutted etc etc but then i met my most recent EX.....now i know what realy loving someone feels like and the heartache that brings with it i would just let her go,as hard as it will be its for the best mate,and by the time she goes you will have moved on etc
Swiss Miss Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Seeing her will definitely hinder you in your attempt to move on. And if you're not attempting this, you should be. She will not experience single life in a few weeks or months, and allowing yourself to cling to her will simply make you want it back more. Give yourself space and time away from her, try experiencing what she wants yourself
lilyy.12 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 i totally agree i am becoming very unfomfortable in my relationship(20yrs old) for several reasons & i think that i do need to go out to the world & see what is made of and also to become a better person and learn about everything before i settle down.
Soysauce111 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I totally feel you man. Thats exactly what my ex told me also. She been in a relationships since freshmen in HS and until now with me. Im 21, shes 20. She is transfering to school 2hrs away in a month. And have decided that she wanted to be single, and not having someone behind. I felt really betrayed for the fact of all those things she said to me in the past, how she love me, care and cater for me forever. The more i think about it, it just hurts. I really love her but she said for this time in her life, she wanted to experience the single life, and the independent that she want to get. Its been a month now since the break up and im doing better each day, but still love her. She told me that she wanted to see me one last time before she leave for school. I said sure but now i think i might not gonna go because im afraid of those feelings will rush back in 1 second and it will hurt me more and make her feel uncomfortable. But in the end, life goes on, no matter how hard or much you want it not to.
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