Silly_Girl Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 For me I would feel guilty having an affair with a married person because I am giving myself permission to do something I know is fundamentally wrong. For me I would feel guilty having an affair with a married person because of the betrayal I am engaging in which would hurt the people who love and trust that married person. For me I would feel guilty having an affair with a married person because of all the negative energy it takes to do it - lying, sneaking around, and destroying of evidence. For me I would feel guilty having an affair with a married person because I was a BS and know how it feels to be betrayed. But that's just me. There are some of us who believe the 'primary relationship' is the one that is wrong. People make mistakes, marry the wrong person, find themselves miserable. The lying = wrong, wrong, wrong. But the fact that one relationship must end before a much better one can begin, I can't feel guilt about that.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 There are some of us who believe the 'primary relationship' is the one that is wrong. People make mistakes, marry the wrong person, find themselves miserable. well then they can get a divorce if that is the case can't they? The lying = wrong, wrong, wrong. But the fact that one relationship must end before a much better one can begin, I can't feel guilt about that. the problem isn't feeling guilt about one relationship ending for another....the problem is someone in a relationship with someone elses spouse and the marriage will not end. the problem is in the cheating spouse being too chickens##t to get a divorce and do right by the betrayed spouse at least by setting them free.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Was a BS first and the only person who betrayed me was the exH. The OW didn't ruin my M, he did. you say this as to absolve the OW of any and all responsibility....because... Was an OW later of this. and the only person to betray his W was him. while true the married person bears the responsibility, it doesn't absolve the OM/OW from being an accomplice. Guilt-nada. doesn't surprise me in the least:rolleyes: Someone said something about the negative energy used in the deceit and such. None. I didn't decieve anyone. well then, its perfectly ok and justified to sleep with other people's spouses then! COOL! I'm going on a rampage then! cuz afterall, I don't have any responsibility as a single person to be decent to others. Thanks for the info! I'm gonna have fun at other people's expense now!
Capris Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hm..I never felt guilty of my relationships and only one was with a MM. I always get into a relationship from love, thats why im 30 and my relationships can be counted on one hand. When my A started,well, we both didnt even know it did. It was like we were always together and years after, it still is. I feel bad about his W and kids, but most of the time i feel like they are my family. If i was his wife and heard the OW saying that though, i would be...lets just say evil. I have met his whole family. I do not try to spend time with them although it is always asked (from them). That would be disrespectful and most of all fake.Suprised? well my feelings for him are not fake and disrespectful at all. I think that is what's keeping me sane and almost guilt free. We are in an honourble relationship, we just cant prove it.
Capris Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 the problem isn't feeling guilt about one relationship ending for another....the problem is someone in a relationship with someone elses spouse and the marriage will not end. the problem is in the cheating spouse being too chickens##t to get a divorce and do right by the betrayed spouse at least by setting them free. I love the way you post, and the bluntness of your words for starters I have a question about the bolded part and im sure i'll get a straight foward answer from you. Before you found out of your wife's affair, was everything good? Did the A come out of the blue? or despite the signs and reasons to disolve (if ofcourse they existed) an unhappy marriage, once an affair occured you blamed it all on the A?
Author BlackLovely Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 (edited) don't worry about how it may come across. they are doing far worse to people in real life. These are all compelling reasons for me not to engage in affairs; what anyone else does is not for me to judge. This is why I only talked about how I would feel, not how I believe others should. Edited August 27, 2010 by BlackLovely Whoops, responded to wrong post!
Author BlackLovely Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 don't worry about how it may come across. they are doing far worse to people in real life. Sorry, responded to wrong post. Dexter, because LS is supposed to be a supportive environment, I do need to be mindful of how I'm coming across. If I want people to respond honestly to my questions, I need to be polite.
Author BlackLovely Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 For me I would feel guilty having an affair with a married person because I am giving myself permission to do something I know is fundamentally wrong. For me I would feel guilty having an affair with a married person because of the betrayal I am engaging in which would hurt the people who love and trust that married person. For me I would feel guilty having an affair with a married person because of all the negative energy it takes to do it - lying, sneaking around, and destroying of evidence. For me I would feel guilty having an affair with a married person because I was a BS and know how it feels to be betrayed. But that's just me. These are all compelling reasons for me not to engage in affairs; what anyone else does is not for me to judge. This is why I only talked about how I would feel, not how I believe others should.
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