nlw82 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Why am I always attracted to unattainable women? Now before I get beat on by this questions let me explain. I don't mean being in or out of someone's "league" or any of that junk. I mean I always seem to be attracted to women I meet that are getting ready to move away, recently ended a relationship, in a relationship or even actually live across the country which I didn't know at the time. What gives?
zengirl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I don't know. Maybe: You don't want a real relationship, deep down, and this is your subconsciousness's way of projecting this.
purgatori Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I'm only really attracted (in the sense of really wanting to be with-, as opposed to merely admiring the beauty/talents of-) girls who aren't attracted to men. I don't think it's because they're unattainable so much as they are the only ones who have their heads on straight, and aren't operating under an aesthetic preference for foul things, or a masochistic desire to be mauled by a hirsute animal.
sloudrou Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Why am I always attracted to unattainable women? Now before I get beat on by this questions let me explain. I don't mean being in or out of someone's "league" or any of that junk. I mean I always seem to be attracted to women I meet that are getting ready to move away, recently ended a relationship, in a relationship or even actually live across the country which I didn't know at the time. What gives? It's called "ego". When people (male or female) want things they don't or can't have, it's almost universally the ego talking. The thing is, if any of these women suddenly became available (i.e. cancelled their move interstate, dumped their bf for you, whatever), you'd probably lose interest because that's how the ego works.
You Go Girl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 a bad luck streak with the ones moving away, as for the ones who are unavailable due to some bf that is half a state away or whatever, don't believe them always. It could be letting you down easy. Obstacles are things a person sees when they take their eyes off their goal.
Author nlw82 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 I don't know. Maybe: You don't want a real relationship, deep down, and this is your subconsciousness's way of projecting this. I thought about that possibility and I doubt it. I know that I don't want a relationship right now. In fact I prefer to get to know women before I even consider if I'm attracted to them. I don't want to jump into anything serious. I'm thinking fear of commitment? I was married for 5 years and it ended, which I didn't want, so it's not that. a bad luck streak with the ones moving away, as for the ones who are unavailable due to some bf that is half a state away or whatever, don't believe them always. It could be letting you down easy. Obstacles are things a person sees when they take their eyes off their goal. I know it's not them letting me down easy because I actually really know these women well. I've met the bf and really do know for a fact that one lives across the country. Just annoying.
sally4sara Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Do you know that they are moving away, not local, recently burnt or in a relationship when you approach them? These are not things one can tell with sight. So unless you know their circumstance and THEN find them attractive, I doubt these are the reasons you are drawn to them. And it could be that they are giving you an fake excuse.
Author nlw82 Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 sally- the answer to your question is yes. I get to know the women first that I end up feeling attracted to. The fact that they are moving/burnt/have a SO are not why I'm attracted to them at all. But I also don't say anything to them because of those reasons. It would cause too much drama, which I hate.
GordonDarkfoot Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Why am I always attracted to unattainable women? First, try not to use absolutist/dogmatic adjectives or labels such as "always" and "unattainable." Life is generally not like that, it's not black and white, it's varying shades of gray. Try rephrasing your point: "In looking back at my prior history with women, I seem to notice a tendency or pattern on my part, to seek involvement with women whose potential availability to be in a serious relationship with me is problematic or questionable for one reason or another." Same idea, different emotional/psychological attitude. And actually I think the way I rephrased it is probably more objectively accurate than the way you phrased it. The way you phrased it is basically: "I'm doomed to failure before I begin." The way I phrased it is more like: "I seem to be making getting involved in a relationship unreasonably/unnecessarily difficult for myself. Why is that?" Now before I get beat on by this questions let me explain. I don't mean being in or out of someone's "league" or any of that junk. I mean I always seem to be attracted to women I meet that are getting ready to move away, recently ended a relationship, in a relationship or even actually live across the country which I didn't know at the time. What gives? LOL OK I'm sorry. But the categories you described as being troublesome for you are basically going to include 95% of all desirable women that you meet, ever. --getting ready to move away = someone who is in transition --recently ended a relationsip = brother, the vast majority of desirable women are never NOT in a relationship. They ALWAYS have a lot of guys hitting on them; many don't leave an existing relationship unless and until they've gotten someone new already in their sites. And, if they should break up "cold", they won't have to wait long before someone else steps in to be their "new boyfriend." When I met my wife, she had just broken up with her prior bf a couple of weeks prior. The ONLY reason she went out with me, in addition to some initial "interest," was because it just so happened that she had not had TIME to establish a new relationship yet. IOW a lot of luck is involved in the timing of this sort of thing. We went out on the first date and I guess I passed whatever "tests" she was giving out because then we started going out and went from casual dating to more serious etc. --in a relationship--see above. A desirable women will virtually ALWAYS be in a "relationship" to some degree or other, or perhaps (as in my case) you will be lucky enough to "catch her" during the very brief period of time "between" relationships. --live across the country: Ahem how do you meet someone who lives across the country? Bottom line brother is that if you seek out a truly desirable woman to be in a relationship you are always going to be faced with a lot of "competition" so you better bring your "A" game and stop moping around about it. Get out there and just do it more.
GordonDarkfoot Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I thought about that possibility and I doubt it. I know that I don't want a relationship right now. In fact I prefer to get to know women before I even consider if I'm attracted to them. I don't want to jump into anything serious. Dude, if you actually mean the above and are communicating it to these women, then I suspect you are being perceived as a "time waster." You DON'T get to "pick" the very desirable women in the dating world. They get to pick you, and you have a very limited window of opportunity to do that before you are nexted or friend-zoned. As soon as you communicate that you are not interested in a relationship right now, you are "nexted" because a very desirable woman has like 20 other guys who ARE interested in a relationship (or at least successfully simulate the desire for a relationship!) Also, you can't get to know a woman and THEN decide to be attracted to them. You have to be ATTRACTED to them FIRST, which is your motivation for "getting to know them." If you don't immediately know you're attracted to them, getting to know them is entirely self-defeating behavior (unless you just want a platonic friend). Not jump into anything serious? Dude--for me anyway, it never worked that way. If I liked a girl and thought she liked me, the only way to go was to just pursue the relationship as far as we both wanted to take it. At whatever point either or both of us decided things had gone far enough....well that's when it ends, right? If a girl really really likes you, and thinks you really like her, and she's not screwed up in the head, she will be AIMING for a "serious relationship" with you. That's what women do. If she thinks you don't have relationship potential I guess at best you may get a FWB out of it? Is that the kind of girl you are looking for though? It doesn't sound like it. I was married for 5 years and it ended, which I didn't want, so it's not that. Yeah but you still may be feeling fallout from the trauma and it could be making you push these gals away from you. I know it's not them letting me down easy because I actually really know these women well. I've met the bf and really do know for a fact that one lives across the country. Just annoying. You have to stop imposing arbitrary rules on yourself when it comes to this stuff. If you want to date someone, then you date them, and then you just let the relationship progress at its natural pace, as long as both of you are into that. You can't just arbitrarily decide not to do so or you won't have any decent, serious girl who's very desirable wasting her time waiting around for you. There's just too much competition out there. A desirable girl doesn't need to wait around for a conflicted "head case" type of guy, sorry, but that's the bottom line on all this. Decide what you want, go for it. It actually doesn't really sound like you're ready for relationships at this time.
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