blahplunger Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 So first some background.My gf of 13 years and I got in a fight about 5 months ago and the next day she asks me to move out and tells me she met someone else.Needless to say its been hell for those last 5 months.I didnt treat her with the respect and appreciation she deserved so she found someone who did.She did have second thoughts about leaving me about 2 months into her new relationship but decided that she didnt think Id change and if I did it wouldnt last. The whole time she has acted like she doesnt really want to leave me.She hugs me stares at me when I leave and crys alot.Well recently she has been acting alot more loving towards me.When I was moving my stuff out of our house she was crying and we sat and I held her and talked for about an hour about nothing too serious.Later that day she was doing dishes and I came up behind her and was kissing her neck.She didnt tell me to stop untill she was getting turned on.I ignored her and she let me keep doing it.I eventually stopped.The next day I showed up at my daughters dentist appt and she followed me like she wanted my attention right before I left.She asked for a hug and I gave her one.I told her I loved her and she squeezed me really hard.Then a few days later I decided to buy her a book cause she likes to read.I also wrote her a poem.Its something Ive never done before.She got a really big smile and seemed like she was really happy.I left and I got a text from her that she says was meant for her sister saying that I had bought her a book and wrote her a poem with an exclamation point.I was excited that she was happy enough to tell her sister about it.It makes me think they have talked about me before.Theres been alot of sexual tension between the two of us everytime we meet too.She allows me to touch her but not as much as Id like.The one time she kissed my hand with her tounge before I left. So anyways.Im not sure what to do next.I dont want to keep buying her stuff and overdo it.Ive decided Im just going to try and be there for her.Show her Ive changed and not be pushy.She still seems intent on staying with this guy even though shes acting like she still wants me.I do know they have had some serious fights involving swearing and lying.I want to tell her that if this guy makes her happy then thats what I want for her.That Im glad we could spend part of our lives together and thank her for our children.Any suggestions?
You Go Girl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 You say that you didn't treat her with the respect you should have, so she found someone else. She's in a position in which she holds the power. All you can do is show her that respect NOW, and hope that her new bf keeps messing things up. Then she'll come back to you. Trying to 'steal' or manipulate her back probably isn't going to work. So how about you spend some of this new free hours (since she isn't in your life as much) taking a look at why the lack of respect before? Some deeper thinking on that issue perhaps. It'll benefit you by benefitting all your future relationships, regardless of whether they are with her or with somebody else. And you are right, constant presents would be a mistake. A token of affection now and then, definitely, but not on a daily basis. More like a weekly basis. Of course once you set a precedent, be prepared to continue that for some time to come, even if you were to get back together. I think what you are really doing is trying to be THOUGHTFUL. Little presents, emails, good listening, concern and caring behavior= thoughtful.
LostinCali Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Seems to me that she wants to have you around, but doesnt. She likes knowing that there is someont to run back to should she need that, and gets the constant affection and love from you that you want to give. I think you need to sit back and look at things. Are you the same person you were 13 years ago when you met her? Are you going to change to be the ideal person she wants? If not, then leave. She had no problem meeting someone new and moving on, but 2 months in, she thought of you and the 13 years your were together. I think it would be tough to date someone new, especially after that type of break when things are "pending" You need to figure out if you still love her, and if you're willing to be what she wants. If not, then you need to leave
spriggig Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Have you confirmed that there really is someone else?
Author blahplunger Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Yea I have done alot of thinking and I didnt show her respect because I was selfish and thought she was lucky to have me.Now I know the truth.And I am ready to change regardless if we get back together or not.I missed out on so much by being a jerk.She really is a beautiful person.I know its not all my fault but I really feel she would never have done this had I not been so bad to her.I put her through hell.Shes just not that kind of person to cheat.I do feel like it needed to happen for me to snap out of it.I just couldnt help but take her for granted.She did text me today and thank me for the poem and book again while we were talking about the kids.She knows It wasnt out of friendship I gave that stuff to her so its almost like she wants me to keep trying to get her back.Shes encouraging it almost.She did also say the other day how she can see she made a mistake getting into a relationship right away. And yes Im 100 percent sure she has a boyfriend.
Author blahplunger Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Yesterday she told me to drop the kids off at her moms.When I get there shes was in the driveway with her boyfriend.Thats the first time Ive seen him so I was pissed.I had told her before to keep him away from me. So I text her this morning and she tells me that it was ironic cause she told her boyfriend something he didnt really want to hear and pissed us both off at the same time.She wont tell me what she said to him though.It was either that she still loves me or that shes not sure if she wants to be with him anymore.Either way.Its a good sign if she would tell him that cause you dont tell someone that unless youre pretty sure of it.
Author blahplunger Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 So I called her to clarify the situation and she was acting really cold and didnt want to talk about it.She basically said she doesnt want to get my hopes up and wont tell me what it was she said to her bf that pissed him off.All she will tell me is it had to do with me.She doesnt know what the hell she wants.
habs53 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 She is playing you against each other for self confidence. Tell her to hit the road.
spriggig Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 It's not clear from what you said, is she the mother of your daughter? If she's not the mother, it's time to go solid No Contact: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/
hopesndreams Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Such a shame you think so little of yourself. You have made yourself her backup plan and you're ok with that. 5 months she has shared her life with another man and the whole time is keeping you on that string in case things don't work out with him. What happens if she does leave her new fella and goes back to you? Do you think treating her with the respect you felt was lacking before will make her keep her legs sewn up if another man happens to give her attention? Think again. Maybe the next new fella will keep her interest for a bit longer than the present one, but what does it matter eh? She has you on the sidelines. She can do as she pleases because let's face it, you were the one that caused her to seek another in the first place. Is that how you see it? Cause that's how I'm reading your story. Does blahplunger not deserve any respect? In order to get that, you must respect yourself and you are seriously lacking in that department. Is she worth the pain? If so, keep hoping your life away. She's gone. All she is now is a conceited, selfish b*tch.
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