I'm sick inside...long, but the whole story

[catcountry]

Okay...here goes. I've been back from our first visit for a couple of days now and I feel absolutely awful about most of the trip. Because of timing we only had a few days. I flew down on Monday and flew home on Thursday.

 

We checked into the hotel, left the bags in the room and went to explore the place. We ended up at the pool bar to have a drink. I'll say were at the pool bar for 2 hours. I had a mixed drink and a little later a beer. I was hungry and didn't want to drink too much. He had a beer and a shot...then another beer and another shot...then another beer and another shot ( I lost count). I dragged him out of there (trashed) to get something to eat. I found out later that he didn't even remember going out to eat, or ordering my dinner for me while I went to the ladies room. This is just my first few hours there, never mind later that evening. ( I drank too, but not to excess)

 

Tuesday we had a nice day...we went to a local landmark, we made arrangements for the next day’s activities. Went back to the hotel to get ready for the show we had reservation for that night. Went to the show, shared 2 volcano bowls and had a good time. After the show...yep...we went out and had even more to drink

 

Wednesday we went to the day’s activity and yep...he drinks. (We went deep sea fishing and I realize that some people like to drink when they fish. I'll give him that much.) After fishing we went back to the hotel to clean up and go back down to the pool bar and he drinks some more. I had a couple of beers too. Later on we went out and drank some more

 

Thursday we went packed up, went for a very quiet breakfast and a very quiet hour and a half back to the airport. He stayed with me at the airport until I had to get through security and go to my gate. While we sat there he asked me what I thought about us. I didn't know what to say and I don't remember what exactly I said to him, but I know we both said we wanted to try for this relationship.

 

There were moment's I wasn't very happy with...I wanted to go across the street from our hotel to the gift shop to find something for my daughter and he said he was going to go next door to the gift shop to have a drink in the gentleman’s club...he said he was curious. One of the nights we were in a bar he actually leaned over to tell me something about looking at the bartender’s boobs and the boobs of the 2 girls sitting next to him. Both of these examples happened when he was drunk.

 

I called him when I got home and he told me that when he got home he found out that his daughter's mother needs to move to TN (he's in FL) and has filed petition to take his daughter with her. He's a wreck. He now has his daughter every other week until she goes to school. From what I know he is a wonderful father and he loves his daughter with all his heart and it will devistate him to go from same state and every other week or when she goes to school every other weekend to a different state and 70 days a year. He's a sensitive guy and he's feeling crushed.

 

He called me the next morning and told me he spent a lot of time thinking about me and that he was sorry for all the drinking and that it wouldn't happen again. He said he loves me so much and he wanted me to see the real him not who he was on our trip. He said he would do anything to make us work, and told me how much he loves me and cares about my daughter. (We said I love you to each other before we met...there was only 1 I love you when we were together

 

My points...I'm left wondering who this man really is. The more I think about it the more upset I become about the whole thing. I know that I need to accept some of the blame because I could have said something, but I didn’t…and I don’t know why. I did sleep with him and now don’t feel very good about that because of the condition he was in. ( Don’t forget though…I drank too, just not to the excess he did) I’m feeling really bad about this and I know I need to talk to him about it, but he is knee deep in trying to find a way to keep his daughter. This guy is a very sensitive soul, and I don’t want to throw more at him right now

 

I just needed to vent, because I feel sick inside.

Any opinions? Honest ones

Edited August 8, 2010 by catcountry

[2sunny]

unless you intend to work the hours of your days and nights around drinking and a guy who disrespects women and visits gentlemen's clubs - you two aren't a good match.

 

seems he feels bad about the way some things went while you were together... that is normal behavior for someone who has a drinking problem. they are always sorry but never seem to change unless they quit drinking all together. this takes a lot of work.

 

the fact that he didn't remember certain events means he is a blackout drinker - even bigger problem.

 

what was it that broke up his marriage - was it the drinking?

 

i don't blame you for being upset - i would choose never to see him again... sensitive or not...

[Guitarjeff]

ompletely on the other side. I went to see my SO first and met all her family and everything. It was strange and stressful. I drank too much a couple times and so did she. We have had a second meeting since and it was completely different and more comfortable. Now our third is coming up the 24th of this month and we both can't wait. I say give it a couple more visits and I bet you will feel a lot more comfortable.

[New_Life08]

Have to agree with Sunny on this one. Not only was the drinking out of control...he is perverted. For him to even mention going for a drink at a gentleman's club is so tacky and terribly inconsiderate of you. His gawking at other boobs while you are sitting there together is so rude. This is all happening at your first real meeting? Most people are on their best behavior ... not worst.

 

You are having these gut feelings because you know this is not good for you. Maybe he is falling back on you because of his recent legal (ex wife) issues. It seems there would have been more I Love you's etc. Just keep your eyes and ears peeled ... he could wind up being a big user.

 

All my best.

[Romance]

Ah, thats a tough one. Inside i'd feel like he shouldn't want to drink that much and should want to spend as much time with me as possible! I'd be very upset.