breaking_bad Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Things ended for good w/ xMM several weeks ago, when it became clear that although he did tell me he would leave his M, that he was not going to go through with it, at least for the undetermined future. And in the end I was seriously getting so mind-f****d and settling for the crumbs of the scraps that I was in most ways seriously relieved to finally and officially cut bait. I've been NC, but he keeps texting saying I have devastated him, and that he totally loves me, and that he can tell I'm dating , blah blah blah. And just last night, he said I hope you're enjoying yourself with "him", and said that it's my fault that we are now officially over. So to the question (I know some will say why do you care, but I'm curious and also a little bit pissed so I'm asking): what in his psychology makes it impossibe for him to just say he's sorry and acknowledge that the reason we are over is because of HIM and not me. And why would he not only not take responsibility for what happened, but actually try to turn it around and blame me? Is he: a) trying to guilt me back into the cage b) trying to remain the good guy in his own mind c) simply dumb d) a narcissistic jacka** And what does it say about me that this bugs the crap out of me?
YellowShark Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Things ended for good w/ xMM several weeks ago, when it became clear that although he did tell me he would leave his M, that he was not going to go through with it, at least for the undetermined future. Welcome to the reality of having an affair with a MM. I've been NC, but he keeps texting saying I have devastated him, and that he totally loves me, and that he can tell I'm dating , blah blah blah. And just last night, he said I hope you're enjoying yourself with "him", and said that it's my fault that we are now officially over. Be glad you're not his wife and have to live with this kinda guy daily. And what does it say about me that this bugs the crap out of me? It probably bugs the crap out of you because you've realized you've been had, and now see the REAL™ man you had an affair with.
TaraMaiden Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 So to the question .... I'm asking: what in his psychology makes it impossibe for him to just say he's sorry and acknowledge that the reason we are over is because of HIM and not me. because that would be admitting fault and blame, and he's obviously not into doing that. Far better to project than to own.... And why would he not only not take responsibility for what happened, but actually try to turn it around and blame me? Makes him feel self-righteous and justified. It's the same kind of self-righteousness and justification all warped people have...it gives them power....But inside, they know it's a load of cr*p.... Is he: a) trying to guilt me back into the cage b) trying to remain the good guy in his own mind c) simply dumb d) a narcissistic jacka** All of the above. And what does it say about me that this bugs the crap out of me? It says: It's a natural reaction, because his actions are unjustified, and inherently, we all like to see justice done, and to see morons get theirs; It says that if you can resent him and be angry with him, then affection and closeness are leaving by the back door, and you're "coming to your senses" and seeing him in a true light, clearly. Which is good.... It says that you know, deep down, closure is for doors, but emotions rarely have that satisfaction, and if you expect to ever get a true, honest and factual reasoning for the way he's behaving, you might as well cr*p upwind for all the good it will do you hoping and waiting. Second-guessing is impossible. And a liar will never give you what you want. The truth, as you'd like it. So, shrug up, honey. Laugh at his inadequate posturing and let him suffer the consequences of his idiocy. Let the jerk fester, and never give him the satisfaction of engaging with him, ever again.
Author breaking_bad Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 i love you tara warrior princess
TaraMaiden Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 I know sometimes it's 'tough love', but I love you too, honey.
BB07 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 All of the above and you left this one off your list E: SELFISH JERK
joey66 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 He's likely an idiot. He is a man, after all. I know that you are hurting. I can empathize. It sucks. But it's counterproductive to worry about him and what he thinks. Unless you aren't really over him? Just asking?
joey66 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Of course she isn't totally over him. It was horrible pain and it's only been a few weeks. I get it. Really I do. I didn't mean to be insensitive.
Author breaking_bad Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 Finally Free - thanks, I hope we're not dating the same MM eeewww but it does seem like we have a similar story. I consider myself not a flake, so it is so bizarre how I got completely caught up in his manipulation. I really don't think he's trying to be evil, more he just really wants what he wants and tries to get it like a little kid would, all sweet and innocent and stuff The brat. And Joey66 no offense @ all. It was a legit question. I think I'm in that stage where I'm mentally out of the A and thinking practically, but still have feelings, maybe what you would consider the "analysis/post-mortem" stage . GOD I wish those feelings would go away faster, but unfortunately they just don't. I'm in that place where I see alot of our relationship and him for what it actually is rather than the little fantasy I cooked up for myself, so I am def. more practical and sane, and way less emotional about things. I know where I was half blinded and definitely crippled by the A in a lot of ways - it really did not make me feel good and empowered and now that I'm out of it, I feel so much better mentally. I feel like I can go on and I understand that I really didn't have anything close to what I thought I had. And I think that's why his behavior bugs me - because I'm at that stage and he's still trying to maneuver me. But like Tara said, I will probably never get an answer for why, and it's prob. futile to get caught up in trying. I just think it's so bizarre, but we probably all lie to ourselves to some degree about how bad we are. He just goes big, always did. Thanks guys!
White Flower Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Things ended for good w/ xMM several weeks ago, when it became clear that although he did tell me he would leave his M, that he was not going to go through with it, at least for the undetermined future. And in the end I was seriously getting so mind-f****d and settling for the crumbs of the scraps that I was in most ways seriously relieved to finally and officially cut bait. I've been NC, but he keeps texting saying I have devastated him, and that he totally loves me, and that he can tell I'm dating , blah blah blah. And just last night, he said I hope you're enjoying yourself with "him", and said that it's my fault that we are now officially over. So to the question (I know some will say why do you care, but I'm curious and also a little bit pissed so I'm asking): what in his psychology makes it impossibe for him to just say he's sorry and acknowledge that the reason we are over is because of HIM and not me. And why would he not only not take responsibility for what happened, but actually try to turn it around and blame me? Is he: a) trying to guilt me back into the cage b) trying to remain the good guy in his own mind c) simply dumb d) a narcissistic jacka** And what does it say about me that this bugs the crap out of me? It's not your fault that you simply broke up with him. If that were the case, he'd D and be with you and then poof! no fault!!! It's your fault that you won't allow an A to continue, just the way he likes it. Let him cry. He can find cake elsewhere. What does it say about you? It says that you care. You care above and beyond what he was ever willing to care for you. Sounds like you're in a good place though. Hang in there sweetie.
sadintexas Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 So to the question (I know some will say why do you care, but I'm curious and also a little bit pissed so I'm asking): what in his psychology makes it impossibe for him to just say he's sorry and acknowledge that the reason we are over is because of HIM and not me. And why would he not only not take responsibility for what happened, but actually try to turn it around and blame me? And what does it say about me that this bugs the crap out of me? He's probably trying to bait you. It's almost like him saying he would have followed through with it all but now that you've gone and done this, YOU'VE ruined it. Trying to manipulate you to come back. Trying to make you panic and think YOU blew it. That's my guess. WHY he's doing it is less relevant than the fact he IS doing it. He's trying to manipulate you (for whatever his goal is). The fact that he can't accept his part in the failure of this probably gives you a little insight into the dysfunction of his marriage, no? That's what I would be focusing on. The "why" isn't so important IMO. Him giving you this great opportunity to see his true colors is.
cavedweller Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 breaking bad, He is upset because the relationship is over and you have moved on..
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