xOpinksushixO Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 My ex broke up with me out of no where, like about two months ago. He gave me a million different reason, but would never give me an atcual answer. He then started acting really angry, and distant towards me, and started pushing me away by acting like a jerk, and trying to get me to hate him. Why I don't know. Anyways, when we finally DID break up (I kept trying to work it out because again it was sudden). I kept trying to talk to him, and he kept avoiding me, answering me every now and then. So I got upset because for 4 weeks he kept playing with my emotions telling me one thing and then another. So I deleted him off my facebook, and deleted every kind of contact I had with him. Ever since then we haven't talked to each other at all. And, I miss him like crazy, and I also have so many things that I want to say to him, since I found out the real reason why he broke up with me. This is the second time he broke up with me, the last time we talked to each other everyday, and ended up getting back together because he reliezed he made a mistake. I don't think we would end up getting back together again, giving the current circumstances. But I would like to at least tell him how I feel, and if we can be friends then great if not oh well. I was hoping the NC rule will get him to miss me, but it looks like he doesn't. I know this is very long, and I'm sorry. I was wondering is a month long enough for the NC rule?
Justme2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 I wouldn't contact him. You say that he played with your emotions and he could do that again. I know this is easier said than done, but keep yourself busy so that you do not miss him so much.
Don Ho Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 No, do not contact him. As dumpees we always wonder what happened and want to tell them how we "feel". Knowing what happened really won't help you through this and telling him how you feel won't change anything. Sounds like he was a jerk. Do not contact him. MAYBE in six months if you haven't heard and you're OVER him you could send him a light email if you still want to know "why". NC doesn't always make them miss you and you can't hold that expectation. Sounds like the distance is helping you feel better, continue.
Author xOpinksushixO Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 Thats the thing I do know what happened he cheated on me. He was talking/calling these girls online, (for about a year and a half.) wanted to be with them. And, then someone else butted in our relationship (and I'm sure something else happened because he started acting differently). And, I guess he finally got the guts to leave me. We been together for 7 years, we were together for 2 and a half, then he broke up with me because he wanted to get his stuff together alone, because he felt like he was using me, and depending on me to much. Then we got back together nothing change, and then he left me yet again. I do feel better because of the no contact rule, but i'm still very much in love with him, even after all the crap he put me through. I do not want to give him the satisfaction anymore of coming and going when he pleases. But I just have so much I want to say, and I want him back, even though I shouldn't.
EthanH Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 (edited) My ex broke up with me out of no where, like about two months ago. He gave me a million different reason, but would never give me an atcual answer. He then started acting really angry, and distant towards me, and started pushing me away by acting like a jerk, and trying to get me to hate him. Why I don't know. Anyways, when we finally DID break up (I kept trying to work it out because again it was sudden). I kept trying to talk to him, and he kept avoiding me, answering me every now and then. So I got upset because for 4 weeks he kept playing with my emotions telling me one thing and then another. So I deleted him off my facebook, and deleted every kind of contact I had with him. Ever since then we haven't talked to each other at all. And, I miss him like crazy, and I also have so many things that I want to say to him, since I found out the real reason why he broke up with me. This is the second time he broke up with me, the last time we talked to each other everyday, and ended up getting back together because he reliezed he made a mistake. I don't think we would end up getting back together again, giving the current circumstances. But I would like to at least tell him how I feel, and if we can be friends then great if not oh well. I was hoping the NC rule will get him to miss me, but it looks like he doesn't. I know this is very long, and I'm sorry. I was wondering is a month long enough for the NC rule? gah! I have been in your position, and I know that a lot of what you have said in your message makes sense to you... BUT... you need to realise that your emotions are stopping you from seeing the reality of the situation. He broke up with you, and you didn't accept it (the bit where you say "Anyways, when we finally DID break up (I kept trying to work it out because again it was sudden)." shows a lot about your thinking. You were broken up before this, when he initially told you, the fact you didn't accept it didn't change that) You need to accept reality. The probability is that he became a jerk, was angry and distant is what anyone in his situation would have done. He was straight with you. He DID give you reasons (a million of them apparently) and you just didn't accept it. When that happened, it wouldn't have helped things for him to just be the same to you, as it clearly wasn't working, so he adopted the 'cruel to be kind' policy. I don't blame him for this and tbh, it is what most 'nice' people would do. Don't blame him for the fact that you couldn't accept it. Your feeling of wanting to tell him so many things is a completely natural thing. The main problem with someone who is broken up with is that 99% of the time, they think if they just say more, if they just explain, if they just help their ex understand, it will have a positive impact. And the difficult part of that is that it is usually impossible for someone in that situation to realise that 'less is more' most of the time, telling them stuff over and over will make no difference. Trust me, he knows you like him, telling him that in a million different ways will not help. And even if it did, do you think that would be a route to lasting happiness with him, for him (and you) to know that essentially you are together because you convinced him that he liked you? The only way you can get to a place where a decent relationship is possible is for him to make his own choice that he still likes you. And if you take a step back and look at that last sentence, you will see that the more you push, the more likely he is to blame you for persuading him. For it to work, he needs to come to his own conclusions. Furthermore, you pushing, over a long period will change the way he sees you. When you broke up, he still saw you in a caring way, he probably did what he did based on how he had felt recently, but there was times when he wondered if it was the right thing to do. I mean, you seem like a nice girl and he clearly felt strongly for you, no matter much he felt it wouldn't work between you. By pushing to try and get back with him, you move from the sweet girl he cares about, to some obsessive who won't take no for an answer and is very needy, and has no self respect. He will have a subconscious feeling in his head that you are scared you think he can do better and that if you back off and let him go, he will meet someone better. If you guys are meant to be, if you like him, you have to let him go, and be confident that he won't find anything better. If he does, then good, it also shows that his feelings for you have gone and/or weren't as strong as you always thought, which essentially frees you to find someone who is right for you. DON'T do the friend thing. You clearly want to be more than friends with him. You know that if you got close as friends, you would push for more. Until you are over him as a bf, you shouldn't even consider being friends with him, if that is what you want, although I have always been against being friends with ex's... it's just too complicated. Start putting yourself first again, because if you expect him to do anything for you, you are going to be hurt even more when you realise he isn't. Edited August 7, 2010 by EthanH
Allisha Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Can I ask you something without causing offence? As you were typing "Should I contact my ex?" ...did you seriously not realise what a ridiculous question you were asking?! He is your ex for a reason. He messed you around. He cheated. Whether or not its with this person who butted into your relationship, he was talking to and lusting for other girls online. I believe it's a form of cheating. And if not, it is HIGHLY disrespectful. Seriously, you've come far in these months ....seeing/talking to him again will only set you back further. Don't contact him.
spiderowl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 It's completely understandable that you miss him and that there are lots of things you want to say to him. That's how people feel when someone else ends a relationship. They feel there are all sorts of unresolved issues and questions. But, it is better to find another outlet for these feelings than to put yourself back into a situation where you are likely to feel only more rejection and pain. Write these feelings and questions down in a diary. Tell your best friend about it (or someone you can trust). If you have access to a counsellor, talk to a counsellor. Do whatever you can that will help to get this out of your system. No good can come of meeting up with your ex again and trying to get answers. It's time to accept that he was never fully there for you and that he was ready to take a way out. If he'd been right for you, he'd never have behaved as this one did. He's just not the guy you thought he was, you probably put him on a pedestal and he was unworthy of it. If you decide to cut him out of your life, you will feel stronger knowing you have made that decision. You might have weak patches, but remind yourself that he hurt you and you don't want more of that. You behaved with respect and decency and he wasn't capable of that. You need someone better basically. Set your sights higher and leave this loser behind.
Don Ho Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Oh! So now you tell us he cheated on you or got together with another woman. Ok..... now WHY do you want to contact him? I'm sorry you're heartbroken and you miss him. That's normal. There is nothing you can say to him that will make YOU feel better or get over him sooner. The answer, as much as it hurts and is uncomfortable, is to continue NC. I see no reason for you to contact him again. He already burned you twice. He's a douche bag. When you get past the hurt and the pain you'll realize he was no good.
Author xOpinksushixO Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 Oh! So now you tell us he cheated on you or got together with another woman. Ok..... now WHY do you want to contact him? I'm sorry you're heartbroken and you miss him. That's normal. There is nothing you can say to him that will make YOU feel better or get over him sooner. The answer, as much as it hurts and is uncomfortable, is to continue NC. I see no reason for you to contact him again. He already burned you twice. He's a douche bag. When you get past the hurt and the pain you'll realize he was no good. I can't really explain why I want to contact him. I guess maybe I'm hoping if I talk to him again, or appear in his life every now and then. He won't forget about me? Like I said I want him back, I know I'm stupid for wanting this. But I do. I do relieze that he wasn't fully there at times, because I did find other things like not so nice pictures, and messages of him saying he hopes to find his "soul mate" one day, and that was when he was with me. I know he did love me (as much as i did i don't know). And, he made me so damn happy. But we did argue a lot at times, (got better with the last two years). since he was so lazy, only cared about his video games, didn't want to get a job, ged, etc. I did everything. But other then that he was such a sweet heart, and we had a lot of good times together. But when that person stared butting in he changed, pushed me away, and left because he wanted a life of friends, fun, and girls. Again, I know I'm stupid for wanting him back. But I do and can't help it. I was so close to contacting him last night, but I stopped myself and will try to continue to do so.
lvixen Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 It's understandable that you want him back. 2 months of NC isn't enough to get rid of those feelings if you are in love with him. However, does HE want YOU back? If he did, he would've made it known by now. Do you think he might be waiting for you to contact him to make his feelings known? Not bloody likely. Do not contact him under any circumstances. The feelings you're experiencing will pass with some time. If you do contact him it will only put you back at square one and you'll have to start from scratch. Be strong and have some respect for yourself. My two cents.
boltsfan17 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Under no circumstances should you contact him, ever. I'm sure you have so much inside you that you'd like to tell him, but the truth is, that isn't going to change a thing. I know it would make you feel better if you got that off your chest. I know it's difficult. I've been there before too. This guy sounds like a complete jerk and a deadbeat. Plus, he cheated on you. You deserve someone better. Don't ever contact him again. He doesn't deserve you. How could you even trust him again? Once someone cheats, more then likely they will do it again. I know you're going through a lot of pain and your emotions are running wild, but things will get better with time. Hang in there. Delete his number off your phone, put all the things that remind you of him in a box, and keep yourself busy.
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