ImpCirce Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 A little background first: I'm 21 years old and beginning my senior year of college. I started at a local community college, and then transferred to a state university an hour and a half away. It was not where I wanted to be, but my parents have always said it is my responsibility to pay for my education, so despite getting scholarships to some AWESOME schools (American U, NYU, to name a few) I was stuck at the state school cause I couldn't come up with the money. I lasted one semester and transferred to a state school that is about 50 min. away and I absolutely love this school. However, the past two semesters I have worked 40+ hours in addition to overloading on classes because I wanted to graduate on time. I lived at home and so I would usually drive the hour to school in the morning, go to class all day, race an hour back to get to work on time, then get home around 11 and stay up till 3am doing hw. I was never able to attend any extracurricular activities or study groups. I ended up in a major depression and failed all my classes the last semester, because I was constantly on the run, constantly getting crap from parents about how I don't need to work, and then constantly getting told that whatever they lent me I had better pay back. Now, I'm planning on moving to the city my college is in with a friend, for many reasons, but mainly to keep my sanity. I have a job waiting for me, with a pay increase, plus it means less commuting and a lot more freedom for me. My parents are pretty strict, I can't go out with friends of any age unless I give my dad their home phone number and address. I can't see my boyfriend at his own home because it is "improper" for a young woman. My parents have insisted on meeting my friend and her family first to ensure they are a "good" family, and they have to read the lease, both of which are okay with me. But, they have made it clear that they view this as a rejection of them, and have repeatedly said that I have a good, safe home here and there is NO reason for me to do this to them. I love them, and I want to maintain a good relationship with them, and am trying to involve them in the process to put them at ease, but any mention of my moving results in arguments, and the implication that I am doing this as a personal attack against them. In all honesty, I just believe it is time, I don't believe I can grow as a person unless I move on from the small town I live in and from the job I've had since high school. How can I get my parents to see things from my point of view?
Tayla Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 A few ways that may or may not work: One that my son used was : Mom, lets face it we both pay taxes and have jobs and careers. I prefer to have my career in another town. Here is my address, please come visit once I get settled in. ( it was straight to the point and I really did get that by saying he pays taxes, he is an adult, can freely vote and can certainly manage well) I was proud of the gentle way he announced it..with reason The other way that I have been witness to..The Kid just done up and did it. Moved out and created that wedge of hurt.Some parents unfortunately have to have the ACTION be the final answer on a kid being let go to grow up.... It takes more months to repair but eventually the parent sees that the kid did well in making that choice..they certainly got to experience life a little free'r. By now you should be prepared based on how strict your parents are which choice you may have to make here....(of course there are many other ideas to broach this). Your parents may baulk at your idea to be independent but any smart kid will say...I am taking with me your love and good morals....So I'll do okay....you raised me well...
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