MJEW Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Yes what a s****y day and it's only 9 in the morning... I had a dream last night that I was with my ex and he cheated on me with his current girlfriend...I woke up crying and in pain...god I hate this. Why the f**k can't I just forget about him? Why the f**k can't I just close the door to him and be done already? It's been 2 freaking years since we have been divorced, why can't I let go... I make progress in the last month, I have being doing a great support group, reading 2 awesome books that have helped me immencely why the hell can't I just let go already.. He wants nothing to do with me...I know why, but why can't I let go.
spriggig Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 It's a bad habit now, you've done this for so long. The thoughts are like well-worn trails in you mind that lead to the depression pit. Once you get on one, you follow it all the way down. This works, try it, I used it to get over my first GF twenty-five years ago and I've used it ever since: You know the trails like the back of your hand, you know the minute you get on one. Usually, it happens in the car, in the shower, in bed at night--or any time you're alone doing something on auto-pilot. As soon as you find yourself on one of those trails, shout "Stop!" and consciously shift your thoughts to the present. If you're driving, think consciously about your driving--"hands at 10 and 2, check the upcoming intersection before entering, watch out for motorcycles on this turn", etc. actually talk yourself through it, out loud. Bring yourself to the present and think through the thing you're actually doing. You'll get bored with these thoughts and your mind will drift to something else--if you end up on one of the trails again, you have to start all over. I DON'T recommend the rubber-band trick where you snap a rubber band on your wrist whenever you get on one of the trails. Here's why, pain actually enhances memory retention. By purposely experiencing pain in association with memories, you make them stronger, not weaker. Think of it this way, when you burn your hand on the stove, you want to remember not to do that again so the pain solidifies that experience in your mind--exactly what you don't want when you're trying to forget.
YellowShark Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 I totally agree with spriggig MJEW. You replay the same scripts over and over in your head and these scripts lead to the same dark place every time. When you recognize the script beginning to replay in your head, interrupt it, dispose of it, and replace it with a NEW healthier script. He want's nothing to do with you, so go out there and find someone who DOES want to do something to do with you... and too you! (If you know what I mean! HA!)
Tony T Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Yes what a s****y day and it's only 9 in the morning... I'm glad it's a sunny day where you are. It's overcast and sprinkling rain where I'm at in Florida.
cavedweller Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 MJEW, There are only two ways to heal a broken heart: 1..Get back together. or 2..Find another.. You have to put it all behind you and move on.. Trust me here.
Author MJEW Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 As soon as you find yourself on one of those trails, shout "Stop!" and consciously shift your thoughts to the present. Spriggig.....your absolutly right...I know what I need to do, and usually I do it, I bull dose right through things like there is no tomorrow and come out shining on the other side, but this, holy crud I just can't bull dose through. It's like a constant pain the constant of it I have tried to just deal with, some days are good, some days are just freaking horrible...like today.. I can't figure out how to come to terms with this...I mean does one really ever come to terms with it? Does it totally go away? I would love to walk into a store and not think, " hey he would like that.." or " that shirt is his style"..I went xmas shopping last year for the OM and I didn't realize it at the time but I bought shirts that my ex husband would have worn..not the OM....like wow it's been 2 years...the thing is we are both not the same people, we've both loved, been in relationships...grown... I just want to be able to stop running down memory lane, stop comparing men to my ex...I want to void him of my thoughts, and my heart, I want to close the door...I just don't know how to. Yellow Shark-Cavedweller- I have tried to void that script and plant a new one in there, doesn't seem to work..I guess with time and practise it will work.....I will eventually move on....but holy hell this sucks! The thing is....but he has no idea...he doesn't know these things, why would he...but I have told him nothing of anything, and I don't want to....he's moved on...when the heck am I gonna? UGH!
YellowShark Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Yellow Shark-Cavedweller- I have tried to void that script and plant a new one in there, doesn't seem to work..I guess with time and practise it will work.....I will eventually move on....but holy hell this sucks! Read my recent thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t240891/
Author MJEW Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 Yellow shark.....LOVE IT!!!! Thank you...I needed that...I really really did
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