LifesaBlur Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 (edited) I guess I'm on this site as a way of talking through the past and try to feel at peace with everything that's happened in a previous relationship. The relationship itself only lasted 6 months, but she was in my life for at least 2 years, years filled with the gambit of emotions that one would have to warrant making a thread about, obviously. Needless to say the memories and emotional scars from that relationship are something that still lurks around in my thoughts even 3 years after we last spoke. I've moved on and have been happily seeing someone for over 2 years, but there is still this desire to have this other person in my life despite knowing there would never be a happy ever after if the two of us were together again. This was of course all brought on by the ease of which someone can be found on facebook and those triggers that spark your curiosity about someone from your past. I can say that I miss the days before the internet because finding what people were up to wasn't as easy as logging into facebook and clicking search. Like the persistent haunting of my thoughts time also continues, and in time most people find someone and get married. To each their own. After finding out she might be getting married in 2 months (she's 0-1 in following through with wedding plans) I can't help but feel happy for her, but sad at the same time. I'm happy she found someone besides this guy she was seeing back when I knew her, someone that will hopefully treat her well because everyone deserves that in a relationship. But I can't help but miss talking to her like we would do to for hours, where time would pass too quickly and everything just seemed right, especially knowing she might be starting a life with someone else. Every now and then I will have a dream about her and wake up with a smile on my face and think about the time I spent with her and how much it meant to me. It's funny how the further removed from a relationship you become the more you realize the flaws that were there all along, but yet you still cling to the good memories. I feel that that these memories will haunt me forever. Edited August 7, 2010 by LifesaBlur
smk Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 That's a great post.... I long to get to the point where you. I think over time we all tend to filter out or get rid of the negatives memories of our life and treasure the happy ones. The memories that make us smile, the memories that make up remind of us the happy parts of our life, and it's those memories that keep alive our faiths and beliefs in love... I maybe completely wrong here seeing as I am pretty crap at relationships and the like, but I am slowly starting to focus on the good memories of life and her to help me move on, rather than the bad negative ones and it seems to work for me. Again that's a great post...
DenverBachelor Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 It's funny how the further removed from a relationship you become the more you realize the flaws that were there all along, but yet you still cling to the good memories. I feel that that these memories will haunt me forever. I'm going to geek out for a moment and tell you that this reminds me of a scene from Star Trek Generations (the movie). In that movie, the villain was trying to escape time because he thought time was something horrible and evil. He said (and I quote from IMDB), "Time is the fire in which we burn." This was actually taken from a poem written by Delmore Schwartz. He compared time to a predator that constantly stalked it's prey until it finally made the kill. Captain Picard, however, mentioned that time was something much different. It was a companion that went along with you for the journey -- to show you to appreciate special moments because they would never come again. In that respect, I believe failed relationships sometimes give us more than a successful one. That may seem crazy, but a failed relationship is one that shows us more powerfully that experiences and moments really are fleeting and that they do not last. And, in the end, I really don't believe a failed relationship was a failure. A failed relationship could very well be one of the hardest successes we'll experience -- because it shows us more about our own traits both positive and negative. Eventually, we will look back and forgive the other person if we are human. And after that great point in the evolution of healing, that is exactly when we realize that life is tough but all those positive experiences made us a better person. It was a learning experience, just as it was when we were in elementary school and got our ass kicked for the first time. When I look back at my previous relationship, I smile at the good times. The bad times were tough, but I have learned from those bad times so holding onto those are unnecessary. However, holding on to the good times is like carrying around a secret bag of memories that only two people have access to. She will have a bag of different memories because perhaps you made her really happy but didn't know it. So some of those positive experiences will be in both bags, but each of you will have a few unique ones. And the great thing about that is only two people in the entire world will ever know what you shared. It puts a big smile on my face and eventually I hope it does for you as well.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 This is a really good post and I hope it helps me in a couple days, I am drowning in misery and mourning the good times today
Author LifesaBlur Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 (edited) Thanks to everyone that responded. In a way I never feel like I will get over her, which is both sad and wonderful at the same time. I remember this movie called "A Bronx Tale" where one of the characters said something on the lines of "every person has 3 great loves in their life," and she was one of mine. I feel that no matter what happens, I will always come back to the memories I have with her. It's funny to say now, but there are still movies that I can't bring myself to watch because they were the movies we shared together. My thoughts are like a record that never stops playing and can only be turned off, but never silenced forever. Not that I am sure that I would want to quiet the memories because they are a part of who I am. I feel that I could never part with them no matter how much pain they caused me in the past. It's like I'm traveling in a circle, and while I can distance myself from everything for months, years, it all comes back to the beginning, where everything started. Even when you look upon physical scars on your body, you're still reminded of where they came from. Edited August 8, 2010 by LifesaBlur
Thebob Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 It takes time, and when you finally find another girl those memories are still in your head but they aren't painful. Eventually you'll forget some of the memories and will realize that you shouldn't have been down for all this time. When there are 3.5 billion of the other race walking on this earth most likely you'll find someone more compatible. Your here to enjoy life and talk and experience as many things as you possibly can. I thought I wouldn't move on from my ex, but I am currently in a new relationship and the painful memories have subsided but they pop in there from time to time. It's natural for the body to feel pain but it only makes us stronger. Thebob
Author LifesaBlur Posted August 15, 2010 Author Posted August 15, 2010 (edited) I can shout this at the top of my voice, but it won't make a difference. The temptation to break the holy "no contact" after years was so strong tonight that I almost shot off an email to God knows what email address. There is nothing worse than feeling connected to a person you don't know anymore. To look at yourself in a mirror and realize that time has passed you by and that all you knew only remains in your memories. Those times you kissed and you felt nothing could contain the feelings you had. Everything ends, much like anything. A song, a day, a few words strung together, it all passes. I don't know much, but I've found the pain makes you stronger. Those days when you feel the world is against you, there is some comfort in knowing that you still carry a deep scar that weighs more than any pain that is thrown your way. Those are the days that make you feel like you have a purpose. Growth is letting go of the comfortable and embracing the uncertain. Edited August 15, 2010 by LifesaBlur
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