Blushing

[deux ex machina]

Sometimes, when I meet people I start to blush. Once I become aware that I'm starting to blush, I become self-conscious and can feel it getting worse. The self-consciousness can get to the point where it takes me out of the moment with the person. Which doesn't help my mojo, as you might imagine.

 

I've tried to pin down when it happens, and I've noticed it happens when I'm asked a question (especially when I don't know the answer or have to think about it) and/or am being looked at intently by a person I don't know well.

 

It happened today. This is a person I know very little. He was asking me questions and got kind of close to me, watching me closely, earnest body language, all of that...and instead of relaxing and enjoying our conversation, I felt awkward and faulty. Now I wonder what he must think...can't be good.

 

This has been an ongoing issue. Any ideas?

[Feelin Frisky]

I saw a psychiatrist after my devastating break-up with someone I had hoped to marry. This was me thinking that perhaps I was part of the problem--my angry reactions to her betrayals. Anyway, he prescribed Prozac. Whatever that stuff does for my brain chemistry I noticed after a while that the blushing and gut butterflies I used to have and hate all my life were no more. Blushing is all chemical--it happens before you can catch yourself and decide how you'll react to something. I think that the SSRI medications of which Prozac is a member help a person by allowing the mind to engage and precede feelings rather than us having feel these unwanted things first--a genie we can't put back in the bottle and sometimes try to medicate the symptoms with a drink or something.

 

I felt like I had put a pair of eyeglasses on my mind which made me able to dispense with fears and anxieties I always had because the cycles of neurotransmitter exchange in my brain were slightly misaligned. The Prozac corrected that alignment and away went the goose flesh, red face, stammer, w/e that I had always plagued me. I don't think my continuing to take Prozac is anything different than a one-a-day vitamin that I need to be on a level playing field with everyone else. Maybe it even gives me an edge now. Just sayin'. There's no big whoop or stigma if you want to stop the adrenaline gun from interfering with your social mobility. It's a new world since medicine got hip to the way to treat the causes rather than blanket medicate the symptoms with a temporary sedative.

[deux ex machina]

I saw a psychiatrist after my devastating break-up with someone I had hoped to marry. This was me thinking that perhaps I was part of the problem--my angry reactions to her betrayals. Anyway, he prescribed Prozac. Whatever that stuff does for my brain chemistry I noticed after a while that the blushing and gut butterflies I used to have and hate all my life were no more. Blushing is all chemical--it happens before you can catch yourself and decide how you'll react to something. I think that the SSRI medications of which Prozac is a member help a person by allowing the mind to engage and precede feelings rather than us having feel these unwanted things first--a genie we can't put back in the bottle and sometimes try to medicate the symptoms with a drink or something.

 

I felt like I had put a pair of eyeglasses on my mind which made me able to dispense with fears and anxieties I always had because the cycles of neurotransmitter exchange in my brain were slightly misaligned. The Prozac corrected that alignment and away went the goose flesh, red face, stammer, w/e that I had always plagued me. I don't think my continuing to take Prozac is anything different than a one-a-day vitamin that I need to be on a level playing field with everyone else. Maybe it even gives me an edge now. Just sayin'. There's no big whoop or stigma if you want to stop the adrenaline gun from interfering with your social mobility. It's a new world since medicine got hip to the way to treat the causes rather than blanket medicate the symptoms with a temporary sedative.

 

Frisky, thanks so much for taking the time to respond with such a detailed post. I really appreciate that.

 

I'm sorry about the break-up. That sounds heartbreaking.

 

I am glad you found something that worked for you when you went to see the psychiatrist. That's a big difference. Wow.

 

I'm going the old school route, with a psychologist right now. Although my bloody insurance has run out of sessions, so I guess that's that for therapy at the moment! Luckily I am doing well, and have prepared for the end of that.

 

The interesting thing is, this issue of blushing pops up at the most random times. I could easily meet any number of people, and have no real issues (beyond basic shyness). I can give a speech, and no issues. That is what I find most bewildering about it...and that in turn makes it seem more intense to me. Because on top of everything else, I'm surprised at the reemergence. Seems like once I've forgotten it, up it comes to remind me I haven't figured it out at all.

 

It must be related to not feeling prepared, or feeling vulnerable, I think...there's something there. I do know this happens around people I feel have qualities I admire (such as perceptiveness, intelligence, kindness, ect.), and I want them to like me, too. It's like I don't want to let them down - and when this happens I fear might be letting them down somehow.

Edited August 7, 2010 by deux ex machina

[carhill]

The talk therapy and CBT is helpful, but I do see FF's perspective about altering brain chemistry chemically. I've experimented with both, prefer the CBT but admit the meds are a QD method of dealing with the issue directly.

 

I could see telltale signs in myself a couple days when I started answering questions from the mediator about parameters of my marriage relevant to the mediation process. Innocent, factual questions. Still, that emotional setpoint factors in. Like you said, it pops up at the oddest moments.

 

If the 'feelings' are sufficient to cause you concern about what should otherwise be healthy interpersonal relations, IMO it's worth getting a medical opinion and/or treatment.

[deux ex machina]

The talk therapy and CBT is helpful, but I do see FF's perspective about altering brain chemistry chemically. I've experimented with both, prefer the CBT but admit the meds are a QD method of dealing with the issue directly.

 

I could see telltale signs in myself a couple days when I started answering questions from the mediator about parameters of my marriage relevant to the mediation process. Innocent, factual questions. Still, that emotional setpoint factors in. Like you said, it pops up at the oddest moments.

 

If the 'feelings' are sufficient to cause you concern about what should otherwise be healthy interpersonal relations, IMO it's worth getting a medical opinion and/or treatment.

 

Thank you, carhill. Yes, I prefer CBT and things of that sort, as well.

 

I understand what you are getting at regarding medication, because when it does happen it feels awful. If this sort of issue got to the point where it was causing enough suffering, I wouldn't take any reasonable option off of the table entirely.

 

I have had this issue come up randomly before, but it's been awhile. Because of that I never thought to bring it up in therapy. Even if I thought to, I'm not sure I would have because we were aware that I only had so many sessions. It was a matter of prioritizing things (he's very practical). He wanted to leave me with my feet (more or less) solidly under me.

 

What I need to do is to actively use the skills I learned, now that I'm transitioning out. I realize I didn't really. Just posted about it, instead. It would be one thing if I posted about it and did some of those more detailed exercises I learned...but I didn't. I just posted about it.

 

This might have happened at a good time. He told me that in his experience, about 3 - 6 months out is the time when a lot of people go back on some of their hard-earned changes...so it would appear that window is crucial. This is a well-timed reminder to keep it up. Check myself. Something that got to me enough to serve as a solid reminder to stick with it.

 

Thanks again.

[carhill]

I've found LS to be good reinforcement for the CBT aspects. Separating the details of the toolbox out and writing about the tools *appears* to solidify the natural response process when faced with using the tools in real life. Practice makes better and, for me anyway, 'pseudo-practice' seems to help as well.

 

Ideally, IMO, meds should be administered and monitored by a *competent* medical professional, but GP's with a DEA license seem to like to dispense psych meds these days, something I'd vastly prefer to be done by a clinician specializing in the brain. IME, and I dealt with this with my mother's dementing disease set, those professionals are far better for a total treatment plan, and dealing with patient concerns, like side-effects and unexpected outcomes. They've seen more of it and can act and react more proactively with positive solutions.

 

I can say, having taken a few of the meds my mom was on (she's final stage now so all psych meds are dc'd), I can appreciate how psychotic she was. It must've been horrible for her. They knocked me for a loop, but did knock down the anxiety and racing thoughts and inappropriate responses I was having at the time.

 

I expect I'll still blush when a woman I'm attracted to pays me a positive response. There's some things CBT can't fix. That's OK