Pbr1986 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 My gf of 6.5 years recently broke up with me about a month and a half ago. We have been NC now for just over two weeks. Last night she signed onto aim. I am the only person on her buddy list and we'd talk on it everyday. She didn't instant message me and she was online for about an hour. Do you think she is caving in and wants to talk? We broke up because I was apparently dragging my feet to get engaged.
Don Ho Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Um.... NO. Wow that's a stretch on your part, Eager Beaver. Continue NC. If she wants to contact you, she will let you know!!
YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Last night she signed onto aim. I am the only person on her buddy list and we'd talk on it everyday. She didn't instant message me and she was online for about an hour. Do you think she is caving in and wants to talk? We broke up because I was apparently dragging my feet to get engaged. The woman that I would marry should phone me and talk to me in person. Not communicate with me via AIM. Call me crazy. Stay NC.
lunita Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Ok wait a second here. She broke off the relationship because she wants MORE not less. I know a couple who were in the exact same situation. The girl wanted to get engaged, and the guy got cold feet. So she ended it, because she needed some sort of guarantee that their relationship was going somewhere and that it wasn't a big waste of time. Turns out he was miserable without her and decided he DID want to be with her and marry her. So HE went back and they did get engaged and I in fact went to their wedding last year. I don't think NC applies to ALL situations. In some I think a little bit of contact is ok, in others NC is necessary. But in this situation, she broke it off because HE didn't want to commit....now he's saying he does. So if he doesn't TELL HER THAT then how is NC successful?
YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 But in this situation, she broke it off because HE didn't want to commit....now he's saying he does. So if he doesn't TELL HER THAT then how is NC successful? IMHO marriage is a SERIOUS commitment, and if she can't pick up the phone, and he can't pick up the phone to talk about their future together, and they are simply staring at their blank AIM windows then WTF?
Author Pbr1986 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Last time we spoke, I told her I still want to marry her. She said she wont get back with me (don't know if she meant that day or ever). She then went on to say that we need time apart. She was my best friend and we did everything together, rarely argued, similar interest etc... I am very confused. My friends are telling me that when she went on aim its because she wants to talk (like I said I am the only person on her buddy list, I have a few friends I talk to everyday so I am usually on.)
Beeotch Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Maybe I'm delusional lol...or not But I think that, in a circumstance where someone breaks up with you because they believed you didn't want to marry them or some other situation where you were "in the wrong"....then at this point, if what you have been accused of you plan to change...then YOU should do it and contact them. If a man asks me to marry him and I say no I don't know, or no not right now....then he breaks up with me because that is what he wants...I think I should be the one to go back to him if I've decided I do want to get married. It makes perfect sense to me. I think this is the same...I do think you should make the first move based on the circumstance.
Author Pbr1986 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Maybe I'm delusional lol...or not But I think that, in a circumstance where someone breaks up with you because they believed you didn't want to marry them or some other situation where you were "in the wrong"....then at this point, if what you have been accused of you plan to change...then YOU should do it and contact them. If a man asks me to marry him and I say no I don't know, or no not right now....then he breaks up with me because that is what he wants...I think I should be the one to go back to him if I've decided I do want to get married. It makes perfect sense to me. I think this is the same...I do think you should make the first move based on the circumstance. What about this whole AIM thing? Do you think she wanted me to talk to her?
2sunny Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 What about this whole AIM thing? Do you think she wanted me to talk to her? you're kidding, right? you were together 6.5 years ad these are the games you two play with each other? why not communicate? actually face to face? what's so hard about just being honest?
Beeotch Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 What about this whole AIM thing? Do you think she wanted me to talk to her? I can't say that...maybe she did. That's not the point though. You guys broke up because she wanted to get married and you at the time seemed like you did not. You have to understand that from her point of view. She probably is going over everything in her mind about whether or not you 2 want the same things, maybe you don't want her as much as she wants you, maybe you are at 2 different places in your life etc. Which are ALL reasonable things to think about. I have no idea how you have approached her...but maybe it comes off like you are just hurriedly deciding to get married to get her to come back but it is not in your heart. NO ONE esp NO WOMAN wants to feel like a man is marrying her out of pressure and because it is coming down to the wire. You need to decide what you want out of that situation...don't decide to marry her if you don't want to. It's not fair to either of you. If you DO...then I believe it is up to you to be SINCERE and prove it. Sitting down waiting for HER to cave in does not say you want to marry her...sorry. Soo you should really think about if you actually want to or not. IF AFTER you are sincere and try to show her that yes you do, she still doesn't give you the time of the day. Then leave it alone. But I doubt you can say you have the right to sit back cuz you've done all you can already.
Beeotch Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 you're kidding, right? you were together 6.5 years ad these are the games you two play with each other? why not communicate? actually face to face? what's so hard about just being honest? I must agree. This does not seem like someone who wants to get married...or maybe should be. If I wanted to marry a man, and he asked me and I turned him down for example, because I was scared etc. As SOOOOON as I got over it and realized what I wanted, I would be at his door (literally or figuratively) saying YESS! And explaining everything. Likewise, I feel like if I wanted to be married and my bf didn't seem like he wanted to...so I left because I felt we were not wanting the same things, I would expect that if he TRULLLY thought of it and wanted it, he would come looking for me ready and willing to propose or get back together and he would have no qualms about making it known!
Onto Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 The Beeotch is right. And fwiw, I think she was on AIM wanting you to contact her, or she has someone new to chat with. Don't let it become a game of seeing who cracks/cares first. You should ask yourself if you really want to get married though, and also if that's the real reason she broke up with you. The way you wrote it, you seemed unsure. Perhaps there is another reason she broke it off, maybe not......only one way to find out. Man up and call her. You won't feel like you're losing anything, if you've let go of trying to be the winner.
Author Pbr1986 Posted August 7, 2010 Author Posted August 7, 2010 The Beeotch is right. And fwiw, I think she was on AIM wanting you to contact her, or she has someone new to chat with. Don't let it become a game of seeing who cracks/cares first. You should ask yourself if you really want to get married though, and also if that's the real reason she broke up with you. The way you wrote it, you seemed unsure. Perhaps there is another reason she broke it off, maybe not......only one way to find out. Man up and call her. You won't feel like you're losing anything, if you've let go of trying to be the winner. Thank you, you are right. I am going to call her.
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