Gfkr2 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Many people have a kind of compulsion to assign blame somewhere. They cannot relax until it's done in a conflict situation. They don't feel comfortable with concluding that something is nobody's fault - just a bunch of humans trying to get through life coping however they can.. I think this type of thinking is partly present in all of us, the legacy of our upbringing. And feeling angry is a natural response to being hurt or wronged, which brings on fantasies of revenge. I think one of the biggest mistakes is the cheating WS playing the victim card with friends, family and co-workers. It is without a doubt biggest pressure points that fuels the thought of revenge by the BS:mad:.
Spark1111 Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Actually, law enforcement claim 90% of all homicides are fueled by jealousy: whether for your lover, your money, your status, your physical prowess or your drug distribution areas..... So yes, having an affair can expose one to blame and violence. In fact, the last two nationally reported deaths were committed by OW; the football star's mistress and a female teacher who shot and killed her MM's pregnant wife. Very tragic. As for blame: I blamed my spouse, but did not consider his OW blameless; weak, needy and without integrity were my thoughts. I have no idea how she justified it to herself. Two years after we reconciled, she broke NC and I called her to ask one question. It was: "Woman to woman, the one thing I could never wrap my head around was how did you give yourself permission to do to me EXACTLY what had been done to you? (Her husband had left her to marry his OW and she was still bitter, bitter, bitter about it.) "You, better than anyone, must have known the pain of that experience? Yet you had no qualms enacting the same scenario on me and my children? She started screaming and crying and....blamed my fWS. So there you go.....
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