Update if yer interested

[chooch]

Been doing good with the NC - maintained solidly.

 

Last wednesday she won't stop ringing me. She texts saying she needs to talk about what do with my stuff when she moves out of the flat (I'd already said leave it all there but wth) . I got a mutual friend to ring her for me - so I didn't have to break NC.

 

I get a text from her a few mins later "sorry you don't feel able to talk to me anymore". Honestly, I even explained to her I was going NC to stop myself pestering her. Anyway she rings time and time again, I block. She then texts saying she's gonna leave a voicemail to explain what she's gonna do with my stuff. I answer when she rings because I'd rather she speaks down the phone than I have to put myself through a recorded message!

 

She basically just tells me what I already knew about the stuff (annoying that she rang) but breaks down crying because she's lost the best friend she ever had (me).

 

set me off didn't it - I text her a few times asking if there was anyway she'd ever take me back and that I still love her. I ask her to meet me for a coffee. For me this is final closure - I'd maintained NC and was fully intending to start again after the meeting.

 

When we met the dynamic was so different to the previous, mainly because I didn't want her back! I wasn't begging or needy, I didn't even mention the relationship. I asked once if she was certain she felt nothing for me - she replied nothing beyond friendship. I reasserted I'm still in love with her and friendship can't happen.

 

Notably, I notice she's changed (or at least isn't the person I rememer). She was bitchy about my parents and some other mutual friends. It upset me to see how she's changed but made me realize I wouldn't want to be with the person she is now. If she ever becomes the caring person she was, she will probably want me back. She changed within a few month or so recently (she's only 19). In the recent past we'd been genuinely happy, despite my jealously, which wasn't completely unfounded.

 

I've maintained NC since and haven't looked back. I don't feel the urge to break it and that' good. I'm still very much in love with in love with the girl she was and have found myself becoming a lot more like the person I thought I was! I realize that I changed and became jealous during the relationship (she did give me reason to) as without it (the relationship) I'm a much happier, caring, relaxed person. I think we could have worked it out though, as in made ourselves happy without ending it, but she didn't want to try.

 

I saw her with her new man yesterday when I was driving down the road. They were on the footpath holding hands and she looked genuinely happy. It was hard being the first time I'd seen them together but in some respects I feel glad that she has found the happiness I could no longer make her feel. To quote Leonard Cohen:

 

"... thanks for the trouble you took from her eyes. I thought it was there for good so I never tried"

 

I did try and I would have worked at it harder, but I'm glad she's happy.

 

I will get over her eventually... she's not the person she was. If she ever is (and if we were meant to be) she will get in touch one day.

 

I have a good life to get on wit in the meantime.

 

Thank you to love shack for being a soundboard and for all you guys who told me to go NC.

 

I'll be around for a bit because as I say I'm still in love. You dodn't get over a five year relationship overnight (unless you're my ex of course). nah - I'm not bitter

[smk]

I ask her to meet me for a coffee. For me this is final closure - I'd maintained NC and was fully intending to start again after the meeting.

 

Chooch – good to hear you’re doing well… I did something similar except she asked me if I fancied meeting for a coffee – I had some mail that had gone to her house and first when left a voicemail for me I told her to just forward it to my new address – she then texts me asking if I fancied meeting for a coffee and to get my stuff. I will admit I was going to say no at first then curiosity got the better of me and I went along.

 

When we met the dynamic was so different to the previous, mainly because I didn't want her back! I wasn't begging or needy, I didn't even mention the relationship.

 

Same thing here with me yesterday – yes I will admit that a very small part of me was hoping that she would ask to give it another shot, but mostly I went there with no expectations and to see what I was feeling…. For the 30 minutes I was there she spoke in great detail about what her plans were – going out, naming clubs, events, and the like, while I sat there and nodded my head – I talked very briefly for 5 mins answering her questions as vaguely as possible and the final 5 minutes were awkward silence….

 

Notably, I notice she's changed (or at least isn't the person I rememer). She was bitchy about my parents and some other mutual friends. It upset me to see how she's changed but made me realize I wouldn't want to be with the person she is now. If she ever becomes the caring person she was, she will probably want me back. She changed within a few month or so recently (she's only19). In the recent past we'd been genuinely happy, despite my jealously, which wasn't completely unfounded.

 

 

Again same thing with me – its shocking how the girl I met yesterday was not the one I fell in love with and if this is the real her I am glad that she left because I would never have left her, and things would have become worse. She is 29 and been through a fair amount but she was actually a caring, considerate, down to earth person when we were together. When we were together she seemed as though she never needed anyone to validate her beliefs, or make her happy, yet the girl I saw yesterday was a girl who seemed to have nothing but negativity, even though she was trying to make it sound as though she was being positive it just looked wrong, either this is the real her or the girl I fell in love with is the real her.

 

It made me realise that she seemed to be lost and was surrounding herself with people who she once told me she didn’t like – she is living a life that she told me she hated…

 

I'm still very much in love with in love with the girl she was and have found myself becoming a lot more like the person I thought I was! I realize that I changed and became jealous during the relationship (she did give me reason to) as without it (the relationship) I'm a much happier, caring, relaxed person. I think we could have worked it out though, as in made ourselves happy without ending it, but she didn't want to try.

 

I did try and I would have worked at it harder, but I'm glad she's happy.

 

Slightly different in my case, she opened up my eyes to a whole new world, I had long ago learnt to block of emotions and she opened me up to them, and even though we are no longer together, I am now working on becoming the person I want to be – I am working to deal with each emotion and sentiment as it comes and not hide or run away from them.

 

Yes I had become someone that I wasn’t during the end of the relationship and like you she did give me some reason to be jealous, however I was willing to work through it – I do not like giving up in life, however I learnt that sometimes its better to let go of certain things in life for it leads to greater happiness.

 

I will get over her eventually... she's not the person she was. If she ever is (and if we were meant to be) she will get in touch one day.

 

thank you for your positive words – its great to read that we can let go and live with our lives, and accepting that sometimes things are not meant to be and if they are then they will happen…

[Div]

Your post is very inspiring and mature - they say when you can be truly happy for your ex in the arms of another then you are pretty much over them.

 

I hope to be in your position soon enough

[bonpaw2008]

Nice job Chooch! I think you say that you are still in love with her because you are in love with the thought of her, the way things used to be, the contact you used to have....she is guilty and wants to keep you as a friend to let herself off the hook for the failed relationship....you are doing wonderfully....keep it up!!!