roybatty Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 But myself the fOM and my fMW..... well, we have been married now for 6 months. I'm sure the concensus will be that it's probably still too early in our relationship, but we really are making things work. I have a good relationship with her youngest two boys... the oldest boy, things are improving. Her ex tolerates me and I'm not pushing any issues with him anymore. There seems to be acceptance all around. He's still a bad alcoholic and he broke up with his almost post divorce gf of almost one year now. Funny thing is, my fMW and his new ex are suprisingly good friends now. They both have the same thing in common. As for me and my fMW.... we've settled into a married life and we've had some ups and downs.... but the downs are at a minimum. This is the 3rd marriage for both of us... but I think we're both stubborn enough to make it work. It's really not a chore. We have actually been married now longer than our affair went on... so I'm not sure if that's a good sign or not. Having now gone through it, I wouldn't advise anyone to actually seek out an affair.... there was much heartache and stress on all parties. On the otherhand, I can't deny the chemistry when two people come together. All I can say is, don't leave your BS hanging forever. Get on with your life so that everyone else can get on with their lives around you. I divorced my ex-wife early on in my affair with my now wife... before my fMW had her divorce final. I was ready to move on with my life, even if things didn't turn out with my current partner. We still are working out some trust issues.... because we know what we are both capable of doing, but in all honesty, I think we both feel very secure in our new life. All of this is just "take it for what it's worth".... but I'm just giving everyone here an update.
White Flower Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Congratulations. Did you post under a different username before? How long were your prior Ms and how did those M's end? Just curious, and not looking for TMI.
pureinheart Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Congratulations:):):):) I really wish you two the very best there is...a long happy life together with every good thing this world has to offer....
Author roybatty Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) Congratulations. Did you post under a different username before? How long were your prior Ms and how did those M's end? Just curious, and not looking for TMI. Yeah, I have another name... Spiraling Downward... It's been so long since I last posted, I forgot about that name!! I just logged in with one of my common internet handles. I was a bit combative with a few folks... but I was mainly just blowing off steam.... I was also fishing for strong opinions pro and con about my affair. my first marriage was 15years, 2nd was for 5 years. her first was 3 years, 2nd was for 19 years. her marriages were marked by #1 abuse, #2 alcoholism & emotional abuse. I left my first marriage over radical, fundamentalist religion (hers), my 2nd, I was cheated on, tried to reconcile, got back together.... but I didn't care for how the dynamics of that relationship had changed.... (like her affair was my fault) so I bolted.... even though I went down the road of my own affair, I really don't want to suggest that two wrongs make a right. If my current marriage blows up... god help me to stay single!! Everything is going good though. Outside of work, we really spend all of our time together 24/7, I've never been that close to anyone else in my life before. That's the main thing I'm doing different in my current marriage... allowing my wife to be very close to me. It's something that I always used to resist. Edited August 6, 2010 by roybatty
Ellin Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Hi Roybatty. Thanks for your update. Shows that true love can have a happy ending:D Congratulations and well done for all your efforts to make things good for everyone. Wish you all the best.
Butterfly11 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Congrats roy! I'm hoping to have a happy ending like you. You are right, an A isn't the ideal way to start a relationship but it is hard to deny the love between two people.
White Flower Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Yeah, I have another name... Spiraling Downward... It's been so long since I last posted, I forgot about that name!! I just logged in with one of my common internet handles. I was a bit combative with a few folks... but I was mainly just blowing off steam.... I was also fishing for strong opinions pro and con about my affair. my first marriage was 15years, 2nd was for 5 years. her first was 3 years, 2nd was for 19 years. her marriages were marked by #1 abuse, #2 alcoholism & emotional abuse. I left my first marriage over radical, fundamentalist religion (hers), my 2nd, I was cheated on, tried to reconcile, got back together.... but I didn't care for how the dynamics of that relationship had changed.... (like her affair was my fault) so I bolted.... even though I went down the road of my own affair, I really don't want to suggest that two wrongs make a right. If my current marriage blows up... god help me to stay single!! Everything is going good though. Outside of work, we really spend all of our time together 24/7, I've never been that close to anyone else in my life before. That's the main thing I'm doing different in my current marriage... allowing my wife to be very close to me. It's something that I always used to resist. It sounds like you've learned your lessons well in life my friend. It also seems as though you've found a wonderful partner whom you can share intimacy with on a deeper level than other partners in your life. Enjoy it! You've earned it. PS There is nothing wrong with having an A after someone cheated on you. Many BS don't get that, but it does happen often. I think we need to understand what happened to us, the BS, so we go down that road ourselves. We're often very surprised by our discoveries! Some BS stay far, far away from As while others dive right into them. We all have different strategies of dealing with life issues just as we're all born looking different. It's not that two wrongs make a right; it is just another way of overcoming our pain and learning from it. Oh, and welcome back! I remember SpiralingDownward.
cavedweller Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 roybatty, The affair and the honeymoon is over and now you are stuck with wife number 3, all of her problems and her kids... Good luck..
Ellin Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 roybatty, The affair and the honeymoon is over and now you are stuck with wife number 3, all of her problems and her kids... Good luck.. You really don't like other people being happy, do you.
cavedweller Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Ellin, Hey, he wanted wife number 3 with all of her problems and her kids...Well, he got 'er.. He packed his lunch, now he gets to eat it..
Ellin Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 OK, but why this need to be mean? Just because he and she had two unsuccessful M before and she's got children from a previous R, they don't deserve to be treated kindly and wished well? Don't they deserve to be happy at last? Why do you have to point out the negatives or actually what YOU see as such? And right now, when they feel so positive about the future? What is the purpose of it, if not trying to spoil the feel-good of it, plant the seed of doubt?
bentnotbroken Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 OK, but why this need to be mean? Just because he and she had two unsuccessful M before and she's got children from a previous R, they don't deserve to be treated kindly and wished well? Don't they deserve to be happy at last? Why do you have to point out the negatives or actually what YOU see as such? And right now, when they feel so positive about the future? What is the purpose of it, if not trying to spoil the feel-good of it, plant the seed of doubt? Can't plant on rock.
Author roybatty Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Ellin, Hey, he wanted wife number 3 with all of her problems and her kids...Well, he got 'er.. He packed his lunch, now he gets to eat it.. Part of the deal is accepting her children, her family and her problems. I have a few problems of my own that she had to accept. Now they are all a part of our world and we are dealing with them in a marriage partnership. I'm up for the challenge. Even though I've had failures in the past, I don't like to fail and am working hard not to fail in the future. I'm well aware of the statistics on 2nd and 3rd marriages. All I really can control is myself and the choices I make... if we can continue to communicate and blend our lives together... we will last a long, long time.
Author roybatty Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Can't plant on rock. What makes you think we are planting on rock? Just because we came together in a precarious way... doesn't mean that we don't have redeemable characteristics individually. Is it your notion that this is just a game with us? I can tell you that we have much more depth than what you are giving us credit for.
Author roybatty Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 roybatty, The affair and the honeymoon is over and now you are stuck with wife number 3, all of her problems and her kids... Good luck.. I can assure you that my efforts are totally invested into this new marriage.... I'm not shopping around for 'another thrill' in another affair. That is not what I need. I can tell you though... that if she would stray from our marriage, I would be done right then and there. I have no time for someone who is not loyal to me. That's were a person gets tainted after experiencing multiple marriages. As I said in another post, I can only control what I do as an individual.
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