Stung Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Absolutely agreed with Zengirl, it's not JUST an issue of him being cheap. He wants you to pay for half of the condoms, but refuses to help pay for lube/spermicide because 'you don't need them?' Even after you have explained why you do? Yes, he is cheap, but far worse than that he is a selfish and self-absorbed lover. I would drop him like a hot potato.
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Yah... the thing is we have to work so much on his erection that I don't get as wet as I normally would be if it was just u know making out and then getting to the business. He's fine minus condoms but as soon as u put it on it's like gotta jump into sex like RIGHT NOW or bam it goes down. It's a bit stressful and hard for me to really be in the mood when I'm thinking ok gotta keep him up gotta keep him up .. damnit it's down. :/
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Is that an old lady's vagina in your avatar? Why yes it is thanks for noticing...
kalikula Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Ugh... I've been in situations like these.. All bad signs. The cheapness, the lack of present giving, the lube even (Guys I've need lube with either weren't good at foreplay, or I just had an insufficient physical attraction to. Believe me, it took awhile to figure this out-- I used to think I was just one of those women who didn't produce enough natural lubrication on their own, turns out I just needed a hotter guy who was better in bed LOL). Plus he says you don't need, not very considerate...! Eventually if you're like me, you'll really come to despise these things about him... Seems like you already kinda do. Look for a less stingy/rigid guy who likes to occasionally treat you, buy you presents, that kinda thing! I'm seeing a guy like that right now and it's great! AND he's hot!
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Heh yahhh i'm totally starting to feel that way as you mentioned. The funny thing is I really don't think he gets it. I wonder is he oblivious or just really that self involved heh.
Angel1111 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Heh I wish I had multiple orgasms from sex. Sadly he isn't a fan of wearing the condoms so he can't maintain the erection for all that long. I've never seen a guy with such issues wearing the condoms. Yeah I've certainly never met a guy in general so frugal. Yet, he's been obsessing about wanting to go on a cruise in november with me to mexico. I don't want to go because I'm not really big into mexico. It's nice but I'd rather save my money and go somewhere I really want to be. However, he's been going on about this since our third date. It's really funny he comes off as laid back but is very stubborn and petulant when he doesn't get his way on things. He's giving you way too many mixed signals and you need to seriously back off from this guy. Talking about going on a trip on your 3rd date is a really bad sign. I think this guy is even worse than I originally thought. I think he will eventually be abusive - either verbally or physcially - because they all do this very thing; they control the relationship and they attempt to move things very quickly. They also like to get you isolated - like on a trip - because you have little or no escape route. Please, do not even consider going on this trip with him. You do understand that this has nothing to do with whether you like Mexico or not, don't you? It has to do with going on a trip with a guy who treats you badly already. However because you have limited contact with him, I think there's even more than that going on. If I were you, I'd just pull away from him for now. Tell him that you're busy, that you don't feel well, have a family emergency - whatever. You can even tell him the truth and say that you don't know what you want right now in a relationship and that you want some time to yourself. See what kind of reaction this gets out of him - that alone will tell you a lot. I think you should back off from him until you can get your head straight. And then leave him. He is trouble with a capital T, hon.
meerkat stew Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Why yes it is thanks for noticing... Nice pussy!
Angel1111 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Heh yahhh i'm totally starting to feel that way as you mentioned. The funny thing is I really don't think he gets it. I wonder is he oblivious or just really that self involved heh. I'm betting that he 'gets it' more than you do. He gets that he can treat you like crap and get away with it. He totally gets what he's doing. Men like this are very methodical, so don't make the mistake of underestimating him any more than you already have.
Lovelybird Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Btw I drive to him because I have very little privacy where I am at so I have to go over to him. Sounds like a good excuse
Author nineyearsgone79 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Thanks Angel... yah the trip idea did seem so odd like so suddenly. He pre-booked it (no payment) date #3 and i was like whoa whoa whoa. I thought though well no money is involved etc. until sept so I will get to know him ya know? However, I have been telling him I really don't want to do Mexico and it's like he doesn't hear me and he get's stuck like a broken record player talking about how wonderful it will be. I told him I haven't had work in 2 months and can't go for financial reasons and he was like it's only 6 days and so fourth. So then I said well i'm just not digging mexico. He goes it's not about the place it's about spending time together etc. Yah... all I need is to be stuck on a boat 6 days with a controlling guy in a foreign country :/. One other thing that was odd is randomly one day like early early on he was like so u live at so and such.. and i was like what? He goes oh i googled you and your business address came up.. is that your house? I tossed it off as well curiosity or something .. I've googled people before. However, on top of the other things I dunno he's like quietly controlling if that makes sense? If I disagree on something he says "he's confused." Yeahhh I have to think of a way out that doesn't leave a door open to push through again. I have to just be stronger with him.
Angel1111 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) Thanks Angel... yah the trip idea did seem so odd like so suddenly. He pre-booked it (no payment) date #3 and i was like whoa whoa whoa. I thought though well no money is involved etc. until sept so I will get to know him ya know? However, I have been telling him I really don't want to do Mexico and it's like he doesn't hear me and he get's stuck like a broken record player talking about how wonderful it will be. I told him I haven't had work in 2 months and can't go for financial reasons and he was like it's only 6 days and so fourth. So then I said well i'm just not digging mexico. He goes it's not about the place it's about spending time together etc. Yah... all I need is to be stuck on a boat 6 days with a controlling guy in a foreign country :/. One other thing that was odd is randomly one day like early early on he was like so u live at so and such.. and i was like what? He goes oh i googled you and your business address came up.. is that your house? I tossed it off as well curiosity or something .. I've googled people before. However, on top of the other things I dunno he's like quietly controlling if that makes sense? If I disagree on something he says "he's confused." Yeahhh I have to think of a way out that doesn't leave a door open to push through again. I have to just be stronger with him. The things he's doing are very controlling and manipulative. He actually booked a trip by your 3rd date???!!! That's totally ridiculous. It's not an issue of whether money was involved or not - and, frankly, if he paid any money that would've been his problem, not yours - but the real issue is that he did this at such an early stage of your relationship. That alone should've been a big red flag to you and you should've walked away right then. It's not a question of getting to know him and seeing if you liked him or not. It's a question of he already let you get to know him right then and there because that one thing was very telling. Do yourself a favor and don't ignore the warning signs in the future. You might want to read some articles on abusive and controlling men - I'm guessing that there's a lot of things you haven't mentioned about him and you'll probably be surprised by what you read. Also his method of not listening to you or pretending to be confused is just another method of controlling the situation. I would take his comment about knowing where you work and live as a subtle threat and I do believe it was designed to make you feel uncomfortable and watched. Just be aware that he's not going to take it well when you decide to leave him or even if you start wavering. But don't be flattered by the all-out attention he'll give you once you bolt. These guys all work from the same playbook and they don't like to lose. He'll do one of several things - he'll pretend to be passive about it and not contact you at all. That way, he thinks it'll play on your ego or conscience so badly that you'll cave in and contact him. Or he'll get really angry and sarcastic, accusing you of all kinds of things and, in particular, putting you on a guilt trip. Then there's always the 'poor me' trick to, once again, playing on your guilt and sense of fairness. If he does these things, just keep repeating to him, "I'm sorry, it's just not working out." Then tell him, "I wish you the best," and hang up. Your goal is to end the relationship and if he starts talking badly to you, just hang up on him. Nothing says you have to listen to that. Then if I were you, I'd disappear - go on a trip, visit a friend and spend the weekend and turn your phone off. Or if you stay home, make it look like you're not there in case he comes by bawling about how he can't live without you. He'll eventually go away. Edited August 6, 2010 by Angel1111
O'Malley Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 It's preferable to break up with this kind of individual over the phone, so as to avoid any manipulation or worse on his part. Keep it short -- you're just not compatible, you're ending the relationship and moving on and you expect him to do the same. Sorry, you have to go -- end call. No lengthy discussions and no agreeing to meet him, or you will fall right back into this manure pile. Change all of your contact information and keep it private, so that he doesn't even have the opportunity to get through to you. If he tries to talk to you in public, walk away.
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