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The Psychologist Who Says Women Should Let Men Cheat

ratingsguy

By ratingsguy
in The Other Man / Woman

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NoIDidn't Established Member

NoIDidn't

Posted
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The article spoke more about "negotiated infidelity" than just letting men cheat. She even said if you don't want him to cheat, to negotiate something that you found acceptable like a lap dance, or porn, or whatever that didn't include cheating.

 

I found it interesting that she allows her man to use other women for sex but won't let them bond with that woman (sex okay, spooning not okay).

 

But she was definitely negotiating.

 

I think people like her have issues. Deep-seated ones. But they are very smart and unable to see themselves as flawed. Even her mistakes are perfect (biggest mistakes yielded the biggest lessons, according to her).

 

At least it doesn't sound like she's out wanting to help men cheat on their wives without the wives knowing. I can respect that. An "ethical slut", no?

Tony T Established Member

Tony T

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Marriage has been something that has been cool in our society for a good period of time. However, society has evolved and the rules are being re-written. How you live in a "lifetime" partnership is up to the rules you go by...and hopefully they are the same as your partner's. I think people who have the expectation that things will go "until death do we part" are in big trouble. Even in the best of circumstances, that isn't necessarily the case. Parting occurs in the heart and in the soul, not just physically. So many live lives of quiet desperation. It takes a LOT of work to keep things truly alive.

 

So cheating and negotiated infidelity are just among those rules that we write these days. I think, however, that generally people have gotten to the point where it's really "until things go sour do we part." That seems to be the way it happens.

 

I'm always reminded of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Essentially, it says that no matter what, everything eventually goes to shxt.

 

We should all do our very best to negotiate our partnerships and to live up to our agreements. That's absolutely the very best we can do. But everyday, people promise "Until death do we part" and end up in divorce court just a few short years later. What's a person to do???

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

Posted
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Do whatever you like as long as you show self respect and the respect of others in your actions.

 

Some branches of psychology are simply pseudo-science (not me trying to criticize - they are, factually, psuedo-science as they do not follow the laws and assumptions required for something to be considered a science). As a result you sometimes get women like these, telling us a message that involves disrespect, a negative type of compromise, losing boundaries, etc, thinking that her opinion is in some way wise (it isn't).

 

If a man steps over the line, then walk away - show STRENGTH of character in doing so. That is what she should have said.

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

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I only read the first couple of paragraghs, although it seemed to be clinical sex or wifely prostitution...wow...definitely not my cup of tea:)

Mimolicious Established Member

Mimolicious

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This is talking about "sugarbabes". -

best describe as a surrogate wife meets Hooters waitress. And who, by the way, is paid for ministering to your man.

 

 

= Glamafied/Glossy Prostitution

 

I am not sure what the term "sugarbaby" means everywhere else in the world... but in my neck of the woods, the USA- a "sugar baby" is no different than a "gold digger". They exchange companionship/sexual favors for luxury gifts, money, condos, benz, etc with WEALTHY/OLDER(*keyword) man. Like an escort but with more exclusivity.

 

These Sugardaddy's and Sugarmama's are basically clients! Very common within the very wealthy. Can run couple of thousand a weeks in allowance, if the client can afford it. No Sugarbaby wants to be with someone that can only afford to pay for a B/J. As to spouses being part of it and allowing it... there is always the soft-swapping swingers community. Not sure how "sugarbabies" are part of an arrangement. For that get a Live-in maid, you get more BANG for your BUCK- literally.

 

From reading this article, I don't see how this book will be a "best-seller" on this side of the pond. There are websites to rent "sugarbabies". HA!

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

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I guess I'm just left wondering why the author, if they think this is so beneficial to health and happiness, doesn't suggest the same for all? Why just men? I mean, I know there is a condition that causes ball swelling if seminal fluid backs up - but it isn't so common that this is purely about avoiding that and similar health issues. :laugh:

 

So why just men? I don't get it. I'm always wary of views that promote more permissiveness to some while restricting others. How beneficial can it be if only some stand to receive benefit?

 

I say the author is full of it.

alexandria35 Established Member

alexandria35

Posted
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I just scanned the article quickly and it seems to me that she is mostly promoting an open type of relationship where both people agree on the terms. Not my cup of tea but not all that unusual. The title of the article "Women should let Men Cheat" is kind of misleading because the writer seems to feel that both spouses should be allowed to engage in some outside romance and fun. So while I don't agree with her views she wasn't really saying anything new.

 

There was one passage that really made me think she is out to lunch and it is as follows:

 

You mention that young women nowadays should be comfortable using their bodies to get jobs. In what way, and do you believe this will gain them respect once they actually have the job?

Men use their biceps, models use their beauty, massage therapist use their hands, so why on Earth should young women not use their vaginas? Men desire sex more than anything in the world. Do you think the woman whose husband is sleeping with everything that moves is respected? And why does the "office slut" get all the promotions?

 

Ewwww......This is not a new or novel idea. It's what used to happen back in the day and women have spent years trying to overcome the expectation that they will put out for better pay or a better position. Here we have a supposedly intelligent and educated woman basically saying "go ahead and spread your legs for that promotion sweetie". Puke!! Way to turn back the hands of time and undo all of the progress that women have made towards equality. So I guess majority of women can just resign themselves to menial jobs for all of their days because no matter how intelligent, educated or capable they are, if they are not willing to play hide the salami with their superiors they can't expect to get anywhere....again ewwwww.

Fight4Me Established Member

Fight4Me

Posted
Posted
I guess I'm just left wondering why the author, if they think this is so beneficial to health and happiness, doesn't suggest the same for all? Why just men? I mean, I know there is a condition that causes ball swelling if seminal fluid backs up - but it isn't so common that this is purely about avoiding that and similar health issues. :laugh:

 

So why just men? I don't get it. I'm always wary of views that promote more permissiveness to some while restricting others. How beneficial can it be if only some stand to receive benefit?

 

I say the author is full of it.

 

Hi-five, Sally4sara! :cool:

torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

Posted
Posted

'You mention that young women nowadays should be comfortable using their bodies to get jobs. In what way, and do you believe this will gain them respect once they actually have the job?

Men use their biceps, models use their beauty, massage therapist use their hands, so why on Earth should young women not use their vaginas? Men desire sex more than anything in the world. Do you think the woman whose husband is sleeping with everything that moves is respected? And why does the "office slut" get all the promotions?'

 

WTF? The person who wrote this is a complete freak. And is clearly being cheated on repeatedly by a big douche who sleeps with the entire office including the 'office slut'. Air your dirty laundry at home lady and spare us this rubbish!! :D

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

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I wonder why the author thinks that an adult can let another adult do(or not do)what the hell they want, when they want.

alexandria35 Established Member

alexandria35

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I wonder why the author thinks that an adult can let another adult do(or not do)what the hell they want, when they want.

 

Ummm....how does an adult prevent another adult from doing what the hell they want, when they want? lol....

 

There are a lot of things that I don't agree with and situations that I would walk away from, but that would be about controlling my own actions not controlling the actions of another adult.

Mimolicious Established Member

Mimolicious

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S4S- I don't want to sound geo-stranded but this can have much to do with the culture of the country this author is from.

 

Besides, the tittle is misleading. "Sugarbabe" is not even a medical term used in psychology, more like in society. LOL! Ridiculous!

 

Alexandria- Are you in a R? If you are, you SO allows you to do whatever you want, with whoever you want, whenever you want? It basic understanding no?

 

Not speaking for BNB but I don't think the post ref to your mailman (adult) preventing you from doing anything.

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
I guess I'm just left wondering why the author, if they think this is so beneficial to health and happiness, doesn't suggest the same for all? Why just men? I mean, I know there is a condition that causes ball swelling if seminal fluid backs up - but it isn't so common that this is purely about avoiding that and similar health issues. :laugh:

 

So why just men? I don't get it. I'm always wary of views that promote more permissiveness to some while restricting others. How beneficial can it be if only some stand to receive benefit?

 

I say the author is full of it.

 

Good point...why just men?????? Still not my cup of tea though:D

threebyfate Established Member

threebyfate

Posted
Posted

Holly Hill was a sugarbaby so of course, she's going to attempt to validate her prior lifestyle. I'd love to hear how she feels about this same subject, when she's 65! :laugh:

wheelwright Established Member

wheelwright

Posted
Posted
Do whatever you like as long as you show self respect and the respect of others in your actions.

 

Some branches of psychology are simply pseudo-science (not me trying to criticize - they are, factually, psuedo-science as they do not follow the laws and assumptions required for something to be considered a science). As a result you sometimes get women like these, telling us a message that involves disrespect, a negative type of compromise, losing boundaries, etc, thinking that her opinion is in some way wise (it isn't).

 

If a man steps over the line, then walk away - show STRENGTH of character in doing so. That is what she should have said.

 

Umm all science is subject to paradigm shift. Previous to the shift, we are all in pseudo science. Good 'scientists' know this. Bad ones think they've got it.

 

Your gravity is another man's Freud. All based on what seems most right at the time. As Einstein would have told you.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted
Holly Hill was a sugarbaby so of course, she's going to attempt to validate her prior lifestyle. I'd love to hear how she feels about this same subject, when she's 65! :laugh:

 

Ohhhhhh! Yes, that does clear up my confusion. I totally get it now! :p

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
S4S- I don't want to sound geo-stranded but this can have much to do with the culture of the country this author is from.

 

Besides, the tittle is misleading. "Sugarbabe" is not even a medical term used in psychology, more like in society. LOL! Ridiculous!

 

Alexandria- Are you in a R? If you are, you SO allows you to do whatever you want, with whoever you want, whenever you want? It basic understanding no?

 

Not speaking for BNB but I don't think the post ref to your mailman (adult) preventing you from doing anything.

 

 

Thank you. Since I haven't a clue who she is or what her situation is. :confused:

alexandria35 Established Member

alexandria35

Posted
Posted
Alexandria- Are you in a R? If you are, you SO allows you to do whatever you want, with whoever you want, whenever you want? It basic understanding no?

 

Yes I am in a relationship...going on eight years now. And yes my SO allows me to do whatever I want, with whoever I want, whenever I want. It just so happens that what I want is a healthy loving commited monogomous relationship so I naturally don't want to do anything harmful to him or us. My decisions and my behavior reflect this. If I wanted to behave in ways that were selfish, inconsiderate of him and damaging to our relationship then he really couldn't stop me from doing that. However he could decide that I'm a lousy partner and walk away from me. Same goes for him. He is naturally considerate, faithful and loving. If he changes and becomes unfaithful, unloving and incondsiderate what could I do? Tell him he's not allowed to behave that way and that would make it all better? If he's hellbent on being an ***hole I couldn't stop him, I could only decide if I'm going to stick around and put up with it. I've been with ***holes, I tried to stop them from being ***holes....it didn't work.

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