soleharmony1123 Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I was "chatting" with a gentleman on another discussion board and he indicated this was a crock of bull. What do you think? I have to say that in my personal situation it has certainly seemed a valid statement - men value what they work for in a relationship. My ex seems to have "come to his senses" only after I came to my senses and placed more value on ME and my time and not been available for his phone calls. Since I've taken him off the NC diet, he's like a kid in a candy store. He calls me all the time now. But I'm still using discretion in when and how often I take his calls. This evening, he wanted to know if he can come see me both this Saturday and next Saturday. We already have a confirmed date for next Saturday, but now he wants to come see me this Saturday also. I implied that this Saturday is not enough notice. The gentleman I was chatting with also "chewed me out" on that note. He said I'm making my ex grovel, and that it's hard enough for him already without me being in that mindset. I'm not expecting my ex to grovel, but I'm not about to crawl to him either. LS'ers, this guy sounded like he wanted me to check my self-respect in at the door. What do you think? Again, do men value what they work for in a relationship or do they prefer a woman to just "surrender?" Isn't that going against all we stand for here? Especially when I was dumped. -Sole
EthanH Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I think it is basic human nature to want what we can't have...it's what makes humans strive for more...banality isn't attractive. Confidence is. so, to answer your question, in my opinion, 'yes' but i think women also are the same... look at any number of posts on here who suddenly get interest from a girl who dumped them as soon as they look like they can stand on two feet...
D-Lish Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I truly believe that people tend to value other people that respect themselves. This goes for men and women with regard to dating. I think the dude on the other board is confusing playing hard to get with establishing boundaries. Playing hard to get is a game- establishing boundaries is entirely different.
spyyder Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) In my opinion the problem with playing hard to get it that it eventually wears off, with nothing underneath to back it up. If you play hard to get, and never 'surrender', your guy will eventually give up, be it a few weeks or months, it will happen as we're human. However if you do 'surrender', then we'll feel like we've already finished the challenge and lose interest in you. If you try playing hard to get again and again then we won't bother chasing as we're already 'had' you or are fed up with you. What really works is self-respect. If you value yourself, then he'll value you. Although I do think that too many men/women over-value themselves these days, DO NOT completely lose your self-respect. Because you aren't together anymore, and because he dumped you, don't let him think that he can have you whenever he wants. Let him realize that HE has to work if he wants you back. You did good telling him that this Saturday is too soon. Even if your free, tell him that your busy. If he asks what are you doing, just say that you have lots of 'stuff' to do. If he asks what 'stuff'? Just say 'stuff'. The next time he asks to meet up don't immediately say yes, say that you need to think about it, then call him the next day (unless he calls you first) to say ok. Your not playing hard to get, your making him realize that he isn't number 1 on your importance list, and that you don't really need him. Again the most important thing is to not let him think that because he dumped you, he can have you back anytime. If he can easily get you back, he can easily dump you again. Show that you value yourself enough to not just crawl back to him and let him walk all over you. Edited August 6, 2010 by spyyder
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