KingCrimson Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Is it ok to set up the 3rd date on the spot at the end of or during the 2nd date? Are all dates something the guy is expected to set up - meaning call/text the girl - until a real relationship starts? Or after the 2nd date, leave it at that and wait for the girl to get back in contact? Also, lets say you're going on a weekend trip, with a couple of friends (guys and girls). You've been on two dates. Would it be awkward to invite the girl on weekend trip, or is it too soon?
that girl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Is it ok to set up the 3rd date on the spot at the end of or during the 2nd date? Yes, but remember she might legitimately have to check her calendar and confirm the date. Are all dates something the guy is expected to set up - meaning call/text the girl - until a real relationship starts? Or after the 2nd date, leave it at that and wait for the girl to get back in contact? Honestly if a guy doesn't call after a second date, a lot of women will assume he isn't interested. Also, lets say you're going on a weekend trip, with a couple of friends (guys and girls). You've been on two dates. Would it be awkward to invite the girl on weekend trip, or is it too soon? I think most of the time this would be awkward. A weekend is a lot of time to spend with someone you just met and she might not feel comfortable going away with you for safety reasons.
meerkat stew Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Is it ok to set up the 3rd date on the spot at the end of or during the 2nd date? No, it never is. You are depriving her a sense of mystery and romance when you do this. It's best to keep them wondering some, and this isn't being gamey because you should not decide to ask someone out again until taking some time to think things over. Too many guys are pushovers in this respect. The one exception would be if there was a "once a year extravaganza!" level event coming up within a very short time of the last date. Are all dates something the guy is expected to set up - meaning call/text the girl - until a real relationship starts? Or after the 2nd date, leave it at that and wait for the girl to get back in contact? You should be prepared to ask out on the early dates, and not expect her to. However, one technique that has gotten women asking me out early is when they offer to share the tab for the first date, tell them flirtatiously, "if you ask me out sometime, you can pay." This lets them know that you are open to them asking you out. Also, lets say you're going on a weekend trip, with a couple of friends (guys and girls). You've been on two dates. Would it be awkward to invite the girl on weekend trip, or is it too soon? Nothing wrong with a new person meeting your friends, but wouldn't plan full-on group dates, or ask her to do extended things with your social circle until you have taken her on several dates alone and are fairly sure you will be seeing much more of each other. Same with family.
Sith Apprentice Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 One date at a time and be sure to get them back at your place by at least the 4th date so you can bone them. Use the "wanna watch a movie" scheme.
zengirl Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Is it ok to set up the 3rd date on the spot at the end of or during the 2nd date? Yes, and nearly all the fellows I've seriously dated tended to set up the next dates (or at least attempt to set up something) on the dates themselves. I prefer it. It saves a lot of the useless communication time (needless random texting, etc) and helps with busy schedules. It may need to be confirmed later, but if you have some sort of a plan, it seems easier to me. Each party is able to be perfectly clear whether or not they like each other, which is not great for dating unhealthy people but usually wonderful for dating healthy people. Are all dates something the guy is expected to set up - meaning call/text the girl - until a real relationship starts? Or after the 2nd date, leave it at that and wait for the girl to get back in contact? While I would love a world that isn't this way, if a guy doesn't call me, contact me, ask for another date, or show interest in a clear way, it's pretty likely we'll just lose contact. As gals go, I'm pretty assertive, too. I'll ask a fellow out, mention potential dates on dates (i.e. "Oh, we should do such-and-such if you want," or "I have tickets for blahblah next week if you want to go"), and even call a fellow first. But not all the time. He's got to assert himself and show some interest. I don't expect him to do everything, but if he doesn't mention in any way that he wants to go out again, I'm going to assume he doesn't like me that much. Also, lets say you're going on a weekend trip, with a couple of friends (guys and girls). You've been on two dates. Would it be awkward to invite the girl on weekend trip, or is it too soon? Generally, it would be awkward. In some situations, it might not. Every situation is different; I'm sure someone somewhere has done it and it worked out great (heck, one of my best friend's relationship started with a second date that was a weekend away together---just them, not a group---but I think that's fairly rare). I don't think it's "average" so to speak.
meerkat stew Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Yes, and nearly all the fellows I've seriously dated tended to set up the next dates (or at least attempt to set up something) on the dates themselves. I prefer it. It saves a lot of the useless communication time (needless random texting, etc) and helps with busy schedules. Blah, boring, will wager that having a guy ask you out for the next date while on one reduces your interest in him, whether you will admit it or not.
zengirl Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Blah, boring, will wager that having a guy ask you out for the next date while on one reduces your interest in him, whether you will admit it or not. It really doesn't. I am not every woman in the world, mind you, but it's pretty silly to tell me what I like. I promise that if I like a guy, this is my preference. I think if dating is going well, a natural rapport develops and both parties express a mutual interest to spend more time together. That's how every single serious relationship I've ever had has started and even how most of my short-term dating relationships have gone. It only becomes an issue if I know I don't like the guy (though that guy is more likely to get a totally clear answer and expression of my feelings that we're incompatible and I don't want to go out again than he is if he tries to follow up via phone/text later). I think the myth that its ineffective comes down to times like those. . . but those are the gals who aren't going to date you anyway. Or the emotionally unhealthy girls who really just want someone to take them out--- anyone!
meerkat stew Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 It really doesn't. I am not every woman in the world, mind you, but it's pretty silly to tell me what I like. I promise that if I like a guy, this is my preference. I think if dating is going well, a natural rapport develops and both parties express a mutual interest to spend more time together. That's how every single serious relationship I've ever had has started and even how most of my short-term dating relationships have gone. It only becomes an issue if I know I don't like the guy (though that guy is more likely to get a totally clear answer and expression of my feelings that we're incompatible and I don't want to go out again than he is if he tries to follow up via phone/text later). I think the myth that its ineffective comes down to times like those. . . but those are the gals who aren't going to date you anyway. Or the emotionally unhealthy girls who really just want someone to take them out--- anyone! I like you, you are hyperanalytical and tend towards verbosity just like me. That said, it is obvious you have never been well seduced or you would agree with me on this. 1
zengirl Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 (edited) I like you, you are hyperanalytical and tend towards verbosity just like me. That said, it is obvious you have never been well seduced or you would agree with me on this. Seduce means 3 things: 1.) to lead away to disloyalty 2.) to lead astray, usually by false promises 3.) to engage in romantic seduction, which is further defined by: entice to sexual intercourse I've certainly had wonderful sexual relationships with the men I've dated, so #3 applies to some degree. The others don't, and I don't think I'm someone who is possible to seduce. I see through manipulation pretty well with my particular traits and background. I've loved. I've been loved. I've adored. I've been adored. I've had fantastic sex. I've had wonderful, playful, sexy courtships. I've not been led astray, not in a way that led to sex, at least. I tend to think the women who it is possible to "seduce" (as in lead astray) aren't women worth having. Just as the men who seek to "seduce" women, maintaining control in the relationship, rather than form sincere a rapport based on mutual attraction, sex, love, trust, and fun aren't worth having. (I don't believe one can be well "seduced" if we're really talking about the word. It was quite an ugly word in its origins, especially if you go back to early English texts. But that's me English nerding out a bit. It really depends what you mean and if you are taking the proper definition or the more popular colloquialisms into account.) Edited August 7, 2010 by zengirl
zengirl Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 How on Earth is that even advice? I was responding to a comment another poster made about me. It is a definition and a statement.
meerkat stew Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Let's concentrate on the more common #3 definition at the expense of 1 and 2, moreover, "seduction" is one of those catchall words for any application of charm with a sexual motive. Would be fair to say it can involve mere flirtation as well. That said, having a little uncertainty in early dating can definitely make things hotter and more fun for both. Anticipation + uncertainty + a feeling of needing to work for someone's attention a bit can work powerful magic between two people, and should be running both ways. Life is filled with linear decisions made purely analytically, the early back and forth between two people who are feeling some sparks shouldn't be so IMO. I still get the vibe from your posts that you see the expression of sexual interest from one person to another as "aggressive" action, as one person (presumably male) attempting to -take- something from another. Is one person -taking- from another when they ask for a dance? a kiss? Maybe sometimes but it's not a foregone conclusion. IMO heavy flirtation and seduction is equivalent to an invitation to dance rather than a battlefield maneuver.
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