hi

[nobmagnet]

hey,

 

i have been off and on here and there over the last 10n months.

 

i have no idea if he chose her over me and the kids or just to get out. he has lied to me about how serious it is with her since so im guessing its quite serious.

 

i have 3 kids. one who is not his and 17 and two that are his 8 and 7. they met her a month ago. I am not sure what i want to say but i am scared. I am mummy 24/7 so I have to tell them off and make them go to bed ect.......... and then there is him/her. She paints my little girls nails and does her hair and it kinda sticks in my neck.

 

I feel threatened. I know its wrong. But I do. I work hard and when i dont i am flat out sorting our new life out., I havent found time to do that. I have to decorate,clean plan and stuff. Oh hell. how can I compete with her?? tell me if i deserve to lose my kids.

 

nobby

[califnan]

You should not have to compete with anyone.

 

I am so sorry that two of your children are so young for this. If it isn't necessary or ordered that your children be with her, then perhaps it shouldn't be happening..

 

Pray for your children, particularly when they are not with you ..

 

You will always be their mother, nothing can replace that.

 

Men with a free will .. well there's nothing that can be done about that. He will have to find his way, one way or the other..

[jthorne]

Nobby,

Why would you lose your kids? Are your xH and the OW planning on getting married?

 

I think you are looking at it the wrong way. She's the one competing for their affection, you had it the second they were born. You gave them birth, and there's nothing she can do to compete with that. She might be the next wife, but you will always be their mum, right?

 

She might be fun and nice to them, but you are their mum, and there is NOTHING that can take that away.

 

I guess now that you are divorced (IIRC), she's not really the OW, but the girlfriend. I'm sure she's trying hard to make sure they don't hate her. If you ever decided to remarry, you might try hard to win the favor of your new husband's kids.

 

This is no competition, there is none.

[bentnotbroken]

hey,

 

i have been off and on here and there over the last 10n months.

 

i have no idea if he chose her over me and the kids or just to get out. he has lied to me about how serious it is with her since so im guessing its quite serious.

 

i have 3 kids. one who is not his and 17 and two that are his 8 and 7. they met her a month ago. I am not sure what i want to say but i am scared. I am mummy 24/7 so I have to tell them off and make them go to bed ect.......... and then there is him/her. She paints my little girls nails and does her hair and it kinda sticks in my neck.

 

I feel threatened. I know its wrong. But I do. I work hard and when i dont i am flat out sorting our new life out., I havent found time to do that. I have to decorate,clean plan and stuff. Oh hell. how can I compete with her?? tell me if i deserve to lose my kids.

 

nobby

 

 

I am sorry Nobby. It seems like you are in a competition because you are still healing. You are the parent. You have to do the job of a parent. She is the one who is at the disadvantage..not you. I do understand how you feel. I can honestly say I probably would feel the same way, though my children are older and know all about the ow and their dad.

 

Nobby take a deep breath and continue loving your children the way that you have. They don't need you to be a friend right now. They need a stable loving parent. And it seems you are doing a great job of that. You won't lose your children by being a good parent.

[Mombot]

You are only a competition with yourself. Perhaps you think if you had been more perfect, you'd still be with him. Okay, so you aren't. but you have the kids and in the long run, that's the better blessing. Give up the competition. you are number one with the kids. Let them like her, no skin off your nose.

[Mimolicious]

Sorry that you're feeling this way. :/

 

Listen, she can paint all the nails she wants, do cartwheels and backflips to gain their affection and honestly this is better than her mistreating them. See is as a better scenario. You can sleepbetter knowing that she is treating them fair. When they wake up in the middle of the night from having a nightmare, their little hearts scream for mommy. Nobody is going to replace you or take your place in their lives.

 

Kids know fakes, if they like your xh's gf, then they are in luck. You want people who are going to love them and make the split home scenario as comfortable as possible.

 

Don't panic and try not to take it out on them. Kid's don't like angry people... this can be your downfall and they will want to go and be where the "fun" is. Can't blame them! But they wouldn't love you any less. I promise.

 

Hug your kiddies every night and tell them how much you love them!

[Butterfly11]

Just because she is nice to them and having fun with them doesn't mean she is trying to take your place. You are their mom and nothing will ever change that.

[TOWinNYC]

hey,

 

i have been off and on here and there over the last 10n months.

 

i have no idea if he chose her over me and the kids or just to get out. he has lied to me about how serious it is with her since so im guessing its quite serious.

 

i have 3 kids. one who is not his and 17 and two that are his 8 and 7. they met her a month ago. I am not sure what i want to say but i am scared. I am mummy 24/7 so I have to tell them off and make them go to bed ect.......... and then there is him/her. She paints my little girls nails and does her hair and it kinda sticks in my neck.

 

I feel threatened. I know its wrong. But I do. I work hard and when i dont i am flat out sorting our new life out., I havent found time to do that. I have to decorate,clean plan and stuff. Oh hell. how can I compete with her?? tell me if i deserve to lose my kids.

 

nobby

 

Nobby -

You're not going to lose your kids. I promise. They are YOURS.

 

If this other woman loves them, it's just something in addition to the love they receive from you. Not a replacement.

 

And kids are smart - they know you're Mommy. Even if your ex gets married to her and she ends up being a permanent part of their lives, she's a "bonus parent". YOU are the MOM.

[pureinheart]

hey,

 

i have been off and on here and there over the last 10n months.

 

i have no idea if he chose her over me and the kids or just to get out. he has lied to me about how serious it is with her since so im guessing its quite serious.

 

i have 3 kids. one who is not his and 17 and two that are his 8 and 7. they met her a month ago. I am not sure what i want to say but i am scared. I am mummy 24/7 so I have to tell them off and make them go to bed ect.......... and then there is him/her. She paints my little girls nails and does her hair and it kinda sticks in my neck.

 

I feel threatened. I know its wrong. But I do. I work hard and when i dont i am flat out sorting our new life out., I havent found time to do that. I have to decorate,clean plan and stuff. Oh hell. how can I compete with her?? tell me if i deserve to lose my kids.

 

nobby

 

Please, if you can fill us in on the details....

 

Are you with your H now? Have you separated? I'm guessing you are separated, but don't want to make assumptions.

 

You don't have to compete with anyone and I am so sorry you feel like you have to. I can tell you for a fact that NOBODY can take the place of a mum....YOU are the mum period, dot, the end.

 

I know this is hard, although you have to take care of you...start with your new life today...even though you might feel isolated, all alone, rejected, fearful of the future...I promise you this will pass.

 

What are you doing to make YOU happy...what is Nobby doing for Nobby...wow...my heart truely goes out to you (((((((I wish I could give you this hug myself))))))...hey my prayers and thoughts are with you if that is ok....

[joey66]

T/J - You post is not at all what I expected when I first saw your username. nobmagnet? But you are the BS, not the OW, do I have that right?

 

You do not deserve to lose your kids. Right now, they may see her as the "good guy" because she does all those fun things with them. But they will grow up, and eventually they will realize what exactly happened. They will appreciate all the things you did for them.

[Fieldsofgold]

I was the BS whose H married the OW. Our baby was an infant, and I had real fears about the same things as you. It never came to pass. They D after 4 years, and he married a string of OW. He and his wives were never more than a blip on the screen of my child's life. She is grown now and has nothing to do with any of them. Not even "Daddy."

 

I will mention this. My child at about age 5+ would come home from visitation and just be a monster for the first evening home. Totally out of character. I finally realizes she had great anger toward her Stepmom and her Daddy but didn't feel safe to express it to them, but felt safe enough at home with me to let it all out. Once I put that into words for her, and let her know I understood, it was all better.