smk Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 So I went against everyones advice today and I met her for that coffee and to pick up my mail... I went in with no expectations whatsoever, I had my coffee spent 30 mins, and left. Why did I do it? I don't know, curiosity, hope, being irrational, being an optimist, I honestly don't know. I walked out of there though and didn't feel a sense of impeding doom, didn't think that I was going to fall apart, I just walked out of their and felt sorry, not sorry for myself, not sorry for her, not for anything, but sorrow for what once was and can never be recaptured... As I type this out, I am now starting to see that life has ways of teaching us things, and I learnt to open up my emotions and my heart from this... I had the realisation that I needed to find my true self before trying to be with someone else. In those 30 mins she felt it important to tell ms how active her social calendar had been, and yet it didn't bother me one bit, I was cordial, kept it simple, gave out as little info about what I have been doing, and basically said thank you. I meant the thank you for eveything she had taught me, for the lessons I am learning, I didn't say those things to her though... And you know why I truly hope she finds herself, and can one day find the happiness that she seems to be searching for - that's all I wish for her... For me I am working on becoming a stronger person, a person who is going say **** you to fate and live the life I want... I guess back to day 1 of nc but not back to 7 weeks ago, mentally I am now beyond that stage where I have let go or am beginning to let go and each day that passes more pieces are gone... Be strong people...
HopeLove Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I'm happy for you. Hope I'll reach your point soon since I'm starting to worry how much longer this sadness will be with me.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Hee hee, I knew you were going to go I am proud of you still. You had to prove to yourself that you were on your way to healing. I am sure in the back of your mind you were hoping for her to ask you to come back and how things were going to be different, but when that didn't happen you survived!!! Amazing progress....
Beeotch Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 (edited) So I went against everyones advice today and I met her for that coffee and to pick up my mail... I went in with no expectations whatsoever, I had my coffee spent 30 mins, and left. Why did I do it? I don't know, curiosity, hope, being irrational, being an optimist, I honestly don't know. I walked out of there though and didn't feel a sense of impeding doom, didn't think that I was going to fall apart, I just walked out of their and felt sorry, not sorry for myself, not sorry for her, not for anything, but sorrow for what once was and can never be recaptured... As I type this out, I am now starting to see that life has ways of teaching us things, and I learnt to open up my emotions and my heart from this... I had the realisation that I needed to find my true self before trying to be with someone else. In those 30 mins she felt it important to tell ms how active her social calendar had been, and yet it didn't bother me one bit, I was cordial, kept it simple, gave out as little info about what I have been doing, and basically said thank you. I meant the thank you for eveything she had taught me, for the lessons I am learning, I didn't say those things to her though... And you know why I truly hope she finds herself, and can one day find the happiness that she seems to be searching for - that's all I wish for her... For me I am working on becoming a stronger person, a person who is going say **** you to fate and live the life I want... I guess back to day 1 of nc but not back to 7 weeks ago, mentally I am now beyond that stage where I have let go or am beginning to let go and each day that passes more pieces are gone... Be strong people... I'm so proud of you! The parts I bolded especially resonate with my own thinking and philosophy and what I have learned on my own journey. That break ups are about you. All relationships are lessons for you. Life/God/The Universe has a way of teaching us things, as you stated, and when you realize this: it is harder to be upset and blame this other person. Yea...when you find yourself, it feels like you've gotten Lasik! You thought you could see before but after you see soooooo much better! You can see the finer details and points that were blurry before. As you do; I truly hope that my ex finds himself as well because when he does, he won't have to look to temporary sources for validation, acceptance, pleasure and love. He won't even have to look to me. Lots of people want their ex to want them and love them when what they need to do a lot of times is to love and find themselves. Which is the BEST gift they can give to you. Because if you don't love or find yourself....it will be a mess and a half when you try to love someone else. There is always that sense of sorrow or melancholy when you leave one part of your life behind but "All endings are a new beginning" and I always try to remember how it was when I was moving from Jamaica, where I had lived all my life, to the U.S. 7 years ago. I was crying and I didn't want to go because all I had known was there,; however, I was closing that chapter and a whole new world is before me. I grew up and had soooooo many great experiences and I love it! So each time I start something new where I have to leave the old, I always remember that ofcourse it will be sad...but a whole new world awaits and you will get to see/do/grow more than you imagined and when you look back you will feel silly for wanting to stay put. Edited August 5, 2010 by Beeotch
TaraMaiden Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Ok, so maybe the 'just get her to forward the mail' didn't work.... meh, I can't get it right all the time! Thanks. You just made me look like a complete idiot. That's it. I'm going NCSMK! (Ok, I'm kidding......) Actually, I'm glad it worked that way for you. It actually goes to show that sometimes our gut instincts get the better of us, and aren't wrong. I'm sorry it felt bitter-sweet, but I'm glad you had the opportunity to see for yourself just what progress you've made. well done, Hun.
Author smk Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 @ Paw - TBH I went in there with mixed feelings - I wont lie there was a part of me that thought that she would have asked me to go back but the majority of me went in there with no expectations of hearing anything. For the 30 mins I was there she spoke for 20 mins about what she had been doing and what she was going to do - telling me how much she had been going out etc.. (mind you when we were together she told me that she hated going clubbing and had hardly been out in almost 2 years) I just nodded along, I spoke for 5 mins, and the other 5 were spent in awkward silence...LOL... she insisted on telling me which clubs she was going out to at the weekend, where she had been last weekend, and in my mind all I thought about was my run...hehehehehe... Yet the funny part is she has been telling her boss (my partner) that she has been having quite nights in at home and hardly been going out - so you figure it out...LOL... @beeotch - "I truly hope that my ex finds himself as well because when he does, he won't have to look to temporary sources for validation, acceptance, pleasure and love. He won't even have to look to me. " I have an idea - lets hook my ex with yours - they seem to be perfect for each other - both seem to be following the same path you mentioned. LOL... I completely agree and am now understanding that all endings are a new beginnings - I now look at this and the end of one chapter of my life and the beginning of a new one. I am going to live the life I want to live and make the most of each journey, make the most of each chapter, make the most of each beginning and each ending....... @ TM -you cant NC me TM - who is gonna be my local buddy on LS then... hehehehe... TBH I think going there today made me realise something that is very important - if what I saw today is the real K then I am glad she broke up with me because the person I met today was not the girl I fell in love with... I dont know if she is putting up an act or this is her, but you know what I am a simple guy, I am just a 26 yr old guy, who lives a simple life, who wants to lead a fulfilling life, I have been through too much in the past 14 years to last me more than a lifetime and I really dont need complications.... As I said, i realised that she seems to be just as lost as I am/was and I by breaking up with me I am starting to find myself, and I truly hope that one day she does find herself and finds her inner peace.... As for ME I am discovering myself and will continue to do so and in the process I am going to live the life I want... Be Strong...
Author smk Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 I'm happy for you. Hope I'll reach your point soon since I'm starting to worry how much longer this sadness will be with me. hope you will - i think we all make our own sadness and our own happiness - sure people may contribute to how long the sadness or happiness lasts but the true happiness comes from within... focus on yourself, think back to what you made you happy as a child - think of the moments that made you laugh or made you smile and focus you energies on that. if you think positive, positivity will flow within you....
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