Anyone else had experience living with a depressed partner

[Argentina]

Today my husband and I went to his first psychiatry appointment. After 4 months of hell, I finally feel that someone is actually validating what I have been thinking all along. That he is severely depressed. Although I already knew this, it was still a shock to hear the psychiatrist express his worry over my husband having all the signs of an individual likely to try and commit suicide.

I have watched over the last 6 months as my husband has increased anxiety and depression. Blaming the family for everything that is wrong (or perceived as wrong), being extremely irritable, being physically and verbally abusive, breaking down into tears, wanting to sleep all the time, talking about how myself, the kids and society are all to blame for "life's problems", unable to cope with anything more than basic living skills, drinking more alcohol, threatening suicide and telling me how "dead inside" he feels.

The doctor has prescribed an antidepressant along with his current anxiety medication that he has already been on for 3 months.

Will there be light at the end of this tunnel?

Has anyone else experienced the effects of a depressed individual? How did you cope?

[TexasRob]

Well I was the depressed partner so I guess I can speak with some authority on the subject. First off don't lose hope in your relationship, there is light to be found at the end of the tunnel and you can get there. The first few months are the hardest when the therapists are trying to find the right mix of medications. You have to remember that this is a disease like getting the chicken pox or mumps but in this case a chemical imbalance in you spouses brain is making them behave this way. I knew I was behaving irrationally but I couldn't help myself because I could process what I was feeling through the depression ruling my brain. Eventually through medication and therapy I got control again and when I emerged from the fog of despair it was like some one flipped a switch and I could think clearly again. Having gone through this with my wife I learned a couple of important lessons.

 

First, be supportive but don't enable your spouse, by that I mean that you shouldn't validate their feelings when they are obviously distorted. I am sure your therapist will explain the value of cognitive intervention and how you can help your spouse realize that what they are feeling is a distorted view of the truth.

 

Second, take baby steps toward normalcy, in my situation my wife would post a list on the fridge of life tasks I needed to do each day. It was simple stuff like get up and make the bed, don't just lie there all day and after go for a one block walk. Gradually we added things to the list and as the medication and therapy began to work I slowly began to reclaim my life.

 

Third, don't forget to take care of yourself, your the anchor right now and you need to be able to be strong and that means taking time for yourself to recharge your batteries for the continued journey.

 

Trust me when I say it will get better, there will be good days and bad but you can get through this. My wife and I made it and we couldn't be happier.

 

Good Luck

[maybebaby]

I was married to a man who was severely depressed and I have also been the depressed partner. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and there is hope, the thing is that it never comes nearly as fast as you hope or feel like you need it to. It's not sudden, it doesn't just "get better" you will probably just begin noticing gradual improvements over time. I recommend that both of you see counselors as well as the psychiatrist because in my experience the psychiatrist is really mostly about chemical and medical issues and the counselor can begin to give you both emotional goals and support.