What do you think will happen?

[pureinheart]

I found this comment very interesting because I've heard permutations of it under different circumstances.

 

The thing is Yellow Shark, if everyone in the triangle is OK with it, things will continue "as is". But I wouldn't be surprised if the dynamics change once the baby arrives.

 

I don't care what people say about "bundles of joy" - infants are horribly demanding and uncaring of what time it is or how tired you are.

 

So the MM may prefer to spend his time with his OW in a quiet scream-free house. And depending on how bonded he has become with his OW, how much love is generated between the two, he may very well end up with her.

 

But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, does it? As you said, you've left it all behind (physically, if not mentally).

 

LOL (and YS, not finding humor in your pain (((hugs))) )....my first cried for 3 weeks straight (teething already...cut two front teeth at about 2 weeks old)...my second didn't much cry at all...first night had to wake her up to feed her:)...so that depends.

 

Personally, I think your ex is gonna be the outsider now....

[pureinheart]

Thanks. That's very kind of you to say that.

 

 

 

I am just thankful my son wasn't the one who saw them on our deck kissing that night. It could have easily been him that went to the kitchen to get a drink. That would have really messed my son's head up seeing that. Especially since my EX and I were together for seven years - (the EX was his step mother for over half his life! AND he knew MM very very well since he and his pregnant wife are - (were) - close good friends.)

 

I am VERY thankful for that also...and that WOULD have messed him up bad...glad there are people like you who really understand the importance of protecting our children...unfortunately I was stupid in various things and was extremely selfish...although when realising the selfishness, sat my kids down and explained my bad behavior and that it should not be repeated by them...your son has a VERY good father:D

[YellowShark]

LOL (and YS, not finding humor in your pain...

 

Didn't even cross my mind.

 

..Personally, I think your ex is gonna be the outsider now....

 

I think that too. At the end of the day she'll be sitting on that very same deck ALONE... without me, without her stepson, and watching MM with his wife with their firstborn going about their lives.

 

The last thing I told the EX as we closed the joint account is the above scenario would happen... or MM would be f**king her doggy style while his wife was breast feeding the baby in the next room. (..harsh I know, but that's the very last thing I said to her... hey, I was angry, betrayed and VERY hurt.)

 

Either way... past history and I am moving on.

Edited August 6, 2010 by YellowShark
spelling

[Fieldsofgold]

I was the pregnant wife. We did not have an "open" marriage, although H acted like we did. Within a few weeks of our child's birth, he left to marry the OW (a friend of mine, we all worked together). (I caught them; I too was the "bad guy.") My xH and the OW married. Four years later, he wanted to come back to me. No way would I go there. He divorced the OW/W to marry the then current OW. When that OW/W was in hospital gving birth to their child - that very night - he tried to sleep with me! Again wanted to re-marry me. He left that OW/W and child to marry the next OW.

 

His other child and my D are now grown and friends. Neither of them have ANYTHING to do with their father. They despise the OW/Wives/stepmoms. The other adult child even dispises his own mother/OW/W!

 

My xH is almost insane with paranoia that someone may try to ambush/harm him. (He knows he's messed over enough people that he has it coming.)

 

And so I think it is safe to say that the players all have had fairly miserable, unfulfilled lives.

 

When you are able to understand selfishness and greed, you will begin to understand your x and xFriend.

 

I am so very sorry this happened to you. I know how it hurts. It will take time to recover. You will have many questions, and wonder many things before you heal. I believe that is an integral part of the healing process, the why's and what if's.

 

But you are a man of integrity. And that is far more valuable than anything these people will ever have. You will heal, and your life will be good once again. There will come a time when you will be glad you were spared further involvement with these low-life losers. You have a good future ahead of you, because you are a man of integrity and honor. I wish you much love and peace.

[YellowShark]

You have a good future ahead of you, because you are a man of integrity and honor. I wish you much love and peace.

 

That's so very kind, thank you Fieldsofgold.

 

I was the pregnant wife. We did not have an "open" marriage, although H acted like we did. Within a few weeks of our child's birth, he left to marry the OW (a friend of mine, we all worked together). (I caught them; I too was the "bad guy.")

 

That's the part that gets me. Amongst the neighbourhood social group my EX, MM, and his pregnant wife have painted me as some sort of "jealous raging maniac who imagined it all" - a caricature I have never been. In fact it's quite the opposite, I helped and treated all of them with kindness and respect for years. Now I am the social outcast while they are all still having BBQs, drinks on the deck, and dinner parties together. Odd how that works out. I guess it's easier for the neighbourhood social group to live this way - (denial) - than to deal with the reality of what my EX and MM actually did. I was aghast that other people whom I thought were "my friends" are now sitting with these three betrayers socially... sharing "good times" while I've been cast out to sea.

 

I am so very sorry this happened to you. I know how it hurts. It will take time to recover. You will have many questions, and wonder many things before you heal. I believe that is an integral part of the healing process, the why's and what if's.

 

Definitely. It really hurts to be betrayed by people who you really trusted and supported for years.

 

But you are a man of integrity. And that is far more valuable than anything these people will ever have. You will heal, and your life will be good once again. There will come a time when you will be glad you were spared further involvement with these low-life losers.

 

I am just glad it wasn't my son who caught his stepmom - (my EX) - and MM on our deck kissing that night. The anger I feel towards them that they didn't even care about that possibility gives me the will to never allow them back into my life.

 

Once again, thanks for the kind words and support.

[Fieldsofgold]

"That's the part that gets me. Amongst the neighbourhood social group my EX, MM, and his pregnant wife have painted me as some sort of "jealous raging maniac who imagined it all" - a caricature I have never been. In fact it's quite the opposite, I helped and treated all of them with kindness and respect for years. Now I am the social outcast while they are all still having BBQs, drinks on the deck, and dinner parties together. Odd how that works out. I guess it's easier for the neighbourhood social group to live this way - (denial) - than to deal with the reality of what my EX and MM actually did. I was aghast that other people whom I thought were "my friends" are now sitting with these three betrayers socially... sharing "good times" while I've been cast out to sea."

 

Here's the thing - they have gaslighted your social circle just like they gaslighted you.

 

This makes it doubly hard for you. You not only have lost the woman you obviously had put great trust in, but you have also lost your friends - the very people who should be your moral support during this horrible time of your great loss - but instead, they are actually fraternizing with the enemy! Incredibly unfair, unjust, and leaves you in a terrible place.

 

Here is what you have to try to wrap your mind around - people with no ethics, have no ethics with anyone. They don't mind lying and deceiving all their friends, just like they did you. They don't care that they have turned your friends against you. They don't care that they hurt you, or anyone else. They are people without ethics, without scruples, and they will do WHATEVER it takes to make themselves look and feel good.

 

Of course, at some point, those very same qualities will make them turn on and devour each other :)

 

but that doesn't make it hurt any less right now.

 

My x and his OW gaslighted everyone, convinced them I was a raving jealous maniac. They even had her H on their side! I told him I caught them in the act, but they convinced him I was crazy. They convinced him so thoroughly, he even tried to help my H get custody of our baby (unsuccessfully). I basically lost my job because they convinced everyone at work that I was mentally unstable. It was really bad. No H, no friends, no job. All because they didn't want anyone to know the truth.

 

You don't say much about it, but I know you must be feeling a terrible betrayal by everyone. Especially your x, and your friend, and all

the others just add insult to injury.

 

I'm glad you have your son. I'm very, very thankful he didn't catch them, I am furious that she would have so little regard for him that she would risk it! But again, I am not surprised. This is about people who are selfish and greedy. That doesn't leave any room to be considerate of ANYONE else. Not even innocent kids.

 

How Is your son dealing with this? I was fortunate that my child was an infant, so I didn't have to deal with any questions.

 

I wish there was something profound I could tell you. There isn't. Just that it will get better, but it will take a while. I had to examine all the parts of it, over and over. I had to try to make sense of it, even though it didn't make sense. It's not a fast recovery kind of thing. Just keep posting here. I think venting helps. I think it helps to bounce it off others. There are a lot of people here who really understand. And care.

 

((((((((hugs))))))))

[YellowShark]

Here's the thing - they have gaslighted your social circle just like they gaslighted you.

 

This makes it doubly hard for you. You not only have lost the woman you obviously had put great trust in, but you have also lost your friends - the very people who should be your moral support during this horrible time of your great loss - but instead, they are actually fraternizing with the enemy! Incredibly unfair, unjust, and leaves you in a terrible place.

 

That's EXACTLY what happened.

 

Except for one couple who is - was - my immediate next-door neighbours. They've known me as long as all the other people and know I would NEVER make up such a ridiculous story and "frame" my EX and MM - (former-good-friend.) They are so disgusted that they have both told me that they want to literally move as they can't sit and watch everyone else socialize like nothing happened. They also don't socialize with any of them any more, and are the ones who've told me what's going on since I've left.

 

My x and his OW gaslighted everyone, convinced them I was a raving jealous maniac. They even had her H on their side! I told him I caught them in the act, but they convinced him I was crazy.

 

I too literally caught them in the act. I had the MM's pregnant wife over the next day and walked her through the incident. I told her I caught them in the act and saw them with my own eyes. She went home and I have never heard from her again.

 

You don't say much about it, but I know you must be feeling a terrible betrayal by everyone. Especially your x, and your friend, and all the others just add insult to injury.

 

To say the least.

 

I'm glad you have your son. I'm very, very thankful he didn't catch them, I am furious that she would have so little regard for him that she would risk it! But again, I am not surprised. This is about people who are selfish and greedy. That doesn't leave any room to be considerate of ANYONE else. Not even innocent kids. How Is your son dealing with this? I was fortunate that my child was an infant, so I didn't have to deal with any questions.

 

He's 14 and my EX was his step-mother for 7 years. He was really sad about the breakup, and I had to lie to him about the REAL reason the split occurred. He also knows MM and his pregnant wife very well.

 

I wish there was something profound I could tell you. There isn't. Just that it will get better, but it will take a while. I had to examine all the parts of it, over and over. I had to try to make sense of it, even though it didn't make sense. It's not a fast recovery kind of thing. Just keep posting here. I think venting helps. I think it helps to bounce it off others. There are a lot of people here who really understand. And care.

 

((((((((hugs))))))))

 

Once again thanks for your understanding and I too am sorry YOU had to deal with this kind of betrayal as well. It truly is an event that I will never forget or forgive. But I will move on, and survive. And I am in a better place now with my son away from such toxic, amoral, and sick people. For that I am seriously grateful. Plus I am nobody's pawn, especially my EXs or MM - (and his pregnant wife!)

 

Hugs to you too.

[Hazyhead]

I really do think, Yellow Shark, that their house of cards WILL come tumbling down and when it does you'll be so much better off for them ostricising you. You'll be able to watch from a distance, wave your hands in the air and say 'Told ya... nothing to do with me now!'

 

Just keep your head up.

[YellowShark]

I really do think, Yellow Shark, that their house of cards WILL come tumbling down and when it does you'll be so much better off for them ostricising you. You'll be able to watch from a distance, wave your hands in the air and say 'Told ya... nothing to do with me now!'

 

Just keep your head up.

 

Thanks Hazyhead. Oh don't worry my head is up, and in an ironic - albeit very painful - twist of fate I have been freed from a lying, cheating EX and a back-stabbing, lying, cheating former-friend who's so slimey he's cheating on his pregnant wife while betraying a guy who helped him with his business repeatedly.

 

I sure wish it didn't happen, but the truth shall set you free! And my son and I are free now.

 

[Hazyhead]

Thanks Hazyhead. Oh don't worry my head is up, and in an ironic - albeit very painful - twist of fate I have been freed from a lying, cheating EX and a back-stabbing, lying, cheating former-friend who's so slimey he's cheating on his pregnant wife while betraying a guy who helped him with his business repeatedly.

 

I sure wish it didn't happen, but the truth shall set you free! And my son and I are free now.

 

 

 

I'm sure that you must have residual anger, and will for a while, but you come off as very graceful here, and one day the anger will shift to such relief (seems it already is doing).

 

Enjoy your son and your freedom, and whatever comes your way as a result of that.

 

Hugs,

Hazy

[YellowShark]

I'm sure that you must have residual anger, and will for a while, but you come off as very graceful here, and one day the anger will shift to such relief (seems it already is doing).

 

Enjoy your son and your freedom, and whatever comes your way as a result of that.

 

Hugs,

Hazy

 

I am very kind and graceful. That is why I am AMAZED that so many in the social group have fallen hook, line, and sinker for the gas-lighting that is currently occurring by my EX, MM, and pregnant wife.

 

And I do have residual anger, I am only human. If my former friend needed to get his rocks off and cheat on his pregnant wife then he should have gone to get a hooker, or he should have gone OUTSIDE of the social group. Leave my EX alone! His betrayal is beyond comprehension and exposes his TRUE identity.

 

Additionally if my EX was unhappy, she should have said something, but she didn't. We had been together for seven years and things were great. If she needed to get her rocks off then I was in the bedroom ready to be of service. In fact our sex life was amazing. But she chose her own path, and I shall not follow her down it, too many social and ethical red lines in the sand crossed.

 

I realize now that when you have a guy blowing smoke up a woman's butt for long enough an EA can begin, many EAs turn physical... and that is what this thread is all about.

 

Once again thanks for the kind words.

[lbm74]

Wow, yellow shark-interesting story. Glad to hear you are out of the picture and can move on. I agree that these are super selfish people. And the BW is staying in despite knowing everything, yes?

I am a BW, my H had/has an EA that BEGAN when I was 4 months pregnant with our 3rd son. The OW knew the whole time his situation, so I agree-she is what I refer to as a homewrecking whore. Who in their right mind would allow someone to cheat on their pregnant spouse?! No morals whatsoever. While I still blame my H, she is total scum. I actually told my H that I respect him less not only for what he has done, but because he chose a woman that wasn't bothered by me being pregnant.

Lastly, and this is oddly funny- when my son was born and my H was taking his night shift with the colicky newborn, he went on webcam to chat with his OW-she told him to turn the camera off, because it "bothered" her to see the baby. HA!! Oh, the humanity. I can sort of laugh at the sickness of it all because my baby is 8 months old now, but unfortunately we are still dealing with the EA...

[karnak]

 

I sure wish it didn't happen, but the truth shall set you free! And my son and I are free now.

 

 

Very true words.

[YellowShark]

And the BW is staying in despite knowing everything, yes?

 

Yes she is standing beside her man. Her husband - MM - and my EX have gaslighted the entire social circle into believing that I imagined it all, and I am quote, "a jealous maniac." To which I respond, "so the theory is that one night I just decided to get up at 3:30am and "frame" my good friend of four years and my EX-of-seven-years because????"

 

I am a BW, my H had/has an EA that BEGAN when I was 4 months pregnant with our 3rd son. The OW knew the whole time his situation, so I agree-she is what I refer to as a homewrecking whore.

 

I put the blame at both their feet because it takes two to tango.

 

I actually told my H that I respect him less not only for what he has done, but because he chose a woman that wasn't bothered by me being pregnant.

 

Like I said this affair crosses so many moral and ethical boundaries I wasn't even interested in trying to repair the damage. They are both sick people and I walked away within four days from all of them. I have been NC for three months now and they shall never be allowed back into my life.

 

Oh, the humanity. I can sort of laugh at the sickness of it all because my baby is 8 months old now, but unfortunately we are still dealing with the EA...

 

I didn't want to live in my home with my cheating EX, and I didn't want to see MM and his "family" daily since they live directly across the street. As much as it killed me to black-hole two people I trusted and cared for for years, I did anyways. It was truly the most painful experience of my life.

 

...and sorry to hear you've been down this path as well lbm74, because I really know how it feels.