YellowShark Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Here's the story. 1) Ex of seven years had a year-long cellphone sexting/EA with MM who lives directly across the street. 2) Sexting/EA went physical and I caught them red-handed - I left four days later. 3) MM and wife have some sort of undisclosed open thing and were part of our close social group. 4) MM's wife will give birth to their first child in August 2010. 5) All parties are in their early 40's. So I a curious. Will he dump her? Will the sexual status quo remain? Will she become jealous that he may pay more attention to the newborn and resent him? Will the wife shut "it" down? I know anything is possible. (IMHO - (for those who care) - any MM who's wife is pregnant and cheating with his close friend's girlfriend of seven years is a scumball. Any woman who is cheating with a MM who's wife is about to give birth is truly sick in the head. The "undisclosed open thing" of their marriage is irrelevant to me.) But there are a lot of smart people here, so what are your bets regarding what will become of my EX and MM once the baby is born?
Chinook Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Ugh. Have to say, this happened to a friend of my ex-partner. The W delivered her baby, the H walked out the week after with the parting comment of 'I felt better leaving her with someone to love'. The H is now married to the OW. My ex-partner has never spoken to his friend since he left his first W and baby. He couldn't get over the level of deceit and lying his friend did. Grr! So, who knows...?! He could leave. He possibly won't. He will possibly carry on cheating. Thing that isn't in doubt... when the baby comes along, things will get an awful lot messier than they already are.
Author YellowShark Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 Ugh. Have to say, this happened to a friend of my ex-partner. The W delivered her baby, the H walked out the week after with the parting comment of 'I felt better leaving her with someone to love'. The H is now married to the OW. My ex-partner has never spoken to his friend since he left his first W and baby. He couldn't get over the level of deceit and lying his friend did. Grr! So, who knows...?! He could leave. He possibly won't. He will possibly carry on cheating. Thing that isn't in doubt... when the baby comes along, things will get an awful lot messier than they already are. (Some background after the fact) I walked. Haven't spoken with any of them since. Total NC. Worst betrayal of my life by two people I cared for greatly. Even helped this guy out with his business repeatedly. His wife knows the whole story and all three of them have sided against me. He's not going to leave his wife, I KNOW that for sure. They all live in the same places and see each other every day.
jwi71 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 But there are a lot of smart people here, so what are your bets regarding what will become of my EX and MM once the baby is born? Who cares? She is the ex...as in past tense. Move on and forget about her...the future is in front of you, not behind you.
Author YellowShark Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 Who cares? She is the ex...as in past tense. Move on and forget about her...the future is in front of you, not behind you. That is where my head is at jwi71. The future. I don't need any of them... for they are all toxic individuals. (Frankly I feel for the child-to-be having parents who have such low morals and betray good friends so easily.) I just have this curiosity to see what people think will eventually become of this "sex triangle" with a newborn thrown into the mix.
In_Repair Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Well, they all seem a little whacked in the head, so who knows? Maybe they will all get together and have great threesomes after the baby goes to bed each night... who cares? Shake your head and move on to something better.
ladygaga Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Here's the story. But there are a lot of smart people here, so what are your bets regarding what will become of my EX and MM once the baby is born? Wasn't there the football player who did it to his very pretty Asian wife when she was pregnant? That girl was smart enough to ditch his AS*! But then again, when you have a massive divorce settlement with a football player and you still look amazing when pregnant and in your 30s, I would have done the exact same thing too.
TOWinNYC Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 The W delivered her baby, the H walked out the week after with the parting comment of 'I felt better leaving her with someone to love'. The H is now married to the OW. I found this comment very interesting because I've heard permutations of it under different circumstances. The thing is Yellow Shark, if everyone in the triangle is OK with it, things will continue "as is". But I wouldn't be surprised if the dynamics change once the baby arrives. I don't care what people say about "bundles of joy" - infants are horribly demanding and uncaring of what time it is or how tired you are. So the MM may prefer to spend his time with his OW in a quiet scream-free house. And depending on how bonded he has become with his OW, how much love is generated between the two, he may very well end up with her. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, does it? As you said, you've left it all behind (physically, if not mentally).
Author YellowShark Posted August 5, 2010 Author Posted August 5, 2010 (edited) The thing is Yellow Shark, if everyone in the triangle is OK with it, things will continue "as is". But I wouldn't be surprised if the dynamics change once the baby arrives. Thx for the reply. Guess I am old-fashioned and can't seem to wrap my head around an expecting MM and wife who are ok betraying "a close friend" AND having a sexual love triangle as they bring a new baby into this world. Seems sooooooooo psychologically sick and degenerate. Alas.. not my issue anymore, just wondered what people think might happen once the baby arrives. Edited August 5, 2010 by YellowShark spelling
Author YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Answer this- why do yu really care? Because the psychology is so alien to me. Why would a MM who's wife is about to give birth with their first child betray a close friend AND get into an EA/PA? Why would my EX-of-seven-years even entertain an EA/PA with a close friend who is a MM with a baby due? I seek wisdom. Those are the reasons why.
lovingagain Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Cannot imagine getting involved with someone who has a baby on the way. Unless I knew them way way beforehand. Was this baby forced on the MM as a way of trapping him though??? Just a thought as to why. Maybe the wife saw this as a way of keeping him, some people try and save their marriage by having a baby, stupid as that is, it never works to tie someone through guilt.
Author YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 Cannot imagine getting involved with someone who has a baby on the way. Unless I knew them way way beforehand. Was this baby forced on the MM as a way of trapping him though??? All of us have known each other for about four years. My EX and I, and the MM and his expecting wife are part of a larger social group. Plus we live across the street from each other and see each other daily. Just a thought as to why. Maybe the wife saw this as a way of keeping him, some people try and save their marriage by having a baby, stupid as that is, it never works to tie someone through guilt. Not in this instance. MM and wife have been trying to conceive for about three years with difficulty. Finally it took. So everyone in the social group KNOWS that this was a planned pregnancy that finally took.
piscis Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Wow! I really do not know what would happened to them, but what I know for sure is that you are much better off. Good luck and keep posting
2sunny Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Because the psychology is so alien to me. Why would a MM who's wife is about to give birth with their first child betray a close friend AND get into an EA/PA? Why would my EX-of-seven-years even entertain an EA/PA with a close friend who is a MM with a baby due? I seek wisdom. Those are the reasons why. why? why - you ask in so many threads since arriving here? the answer is simple. because they are two selfish, self center people who are only thinking of themselves. that is your answer. is that enough for you? the best for YOU is to not give it one more second of your thought/energy. move forward - do not look back. let two selfish people be with each other = it's a disaster!
Author YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 why? why - you ask in so many threads since arriving here? I have actually asked this question in 3 threads, 1 in this section, and 2 in "Coping." I apologize if my quest for wisdom bothers you. ...the answer is simple. because they are two selfish, self center people who are only thinking of themselves. that is your answer. is that enough for you? the best for YOU is to not give it one more second of your thought/energy. move forward - do not look back. let two selfish people be with each other = it's a disaster! You are 100% correct. Three months after-the-fact I have moved on, I just seek the wisdom to understand such selfishness and amorality for future reference. Thanks for the input.
2sunny Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 I have actually asked this question in 3 threads, 1 in this section, and 2 in "Coping." I apologize if my quest for wisdom bothers you. You are 100% correct. Three months after-the-fact I have moved on, I just seek the wisdom to understand such selfishness for future reference. Thanks for the input. hopefully - you may never fully understand it... for that would mean you are selfish too. just because you don't understand it - doesn't mean you cant move forward. the more you concentrate on it = the more power you give to it... so stop giving it the power. give your time and energy to new hobbies - ones that keep you busy and happy... enough to not think at all about them and what they may or may not be doing.
Author YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 hopefully - you may never fully understand it... for that would mean you are selfish too. just because you don't understand it - doesn't mean you cant move forward. the more you concentrate on it = the more power you give to it... so stop giving it the power. give your time and energy to new hobbies - ones that keep you busy and happy... enough to not think at all about them and what they may or may not be doing. Since you have 6,651 posts I think your advice should be pretty sound. I shall take it, and let go of my quest to understand such amorality. (Guess I am just a curious soul! ) Thanks 2sunny!
2sunny Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Since you have 6,651 posts I think your advice should be pretty sound. I shall take it, and let go of my quest to understand such amorality. (Guess I am just a curious soul! ) Thanks 2sunny! you're welcome! if you aren't THAT type of person - you will most likely never understand it.
Author YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 you're welcome! if you aren't THAT type of person - you will most likely never understand it. Yup. It's soooooo off the reservation, and crosses so many moral and ethical red lines in the sand that I walked away from a seven-year relationship and shall never speak to my ex-good-friend-of-four-years, his wife, or my EX-of-seven years ever again. Truly it is deplorable and unconscionable. Thanks again 2sunny. Movin' on.
porcupine Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 Hi Ys, You will NEVER get the answers you need...you are on here because it is probably refreshing and eye-opening to hear from all sides and I can imagine you get what I got from here...a way to deal with the pain and learn not to hate and focus on my own life. But I also notice (like another poster) you want asnwers...noone here can answer for the people that hurt you...you may get clues, but let's face it, you're notnreally over the pain. Infeel for you if you are still neighbours and have to deal with them on a social level. But looking for answers can be destructive. Iremember being consumed for 6 months with why, why. And there was a child involved, so I couldn't for the love of anything fathom how two people could conspire in such a way that it would devastate mine and my child's life to the extent it has.....but you know what, healing came. You don't know what will happen because you can't put yourself in their place. You think differently, so don't even try to there...it won't help you. For the sake of the new baby in your former friends' lives, lets hope that things work out. For your ex, she will get her rewards, whatever they may be. In the meantime, live your life, look away. Stay in peace (and not pieces) P.
Author YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 (edited) Thanks porcupine. Actually I moved out four days after I caught my EX and MM making out on my deck after a dinner party at MM and pregnant wife's place. So my son and I no longer have to endure the affair my EX and MM are wrapped up in. I don't live there any more. But you'all are correct. There is no answer, except they are toxic selfish people. I was just seeking wisdom. My EX lost me and her step son to have an affair with a MM with a pregnant wife, and like 2sunny has said... forget about it and move on Yellowshark... you'll never wrap your head around it. Edited August 6, 2010 by YellowShark spelling
pureinheart Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 (Some background after the fact) I walked. Haven't spoken with any of them since. Total NC. Worst betrayal of my life by two people I cared for greatly. Even helped this guy out with his business repeatedly. His wife knows the whole story and all three of them have sided against me. He's not going to leave his wife, I KNOW that for sure. They all live in the same places and see each other every day. ((((((((((((YS)))))))))))...am so sorry this happened to you, wow...more big hugs for you.... Who cares? She is the ex...as in past tense. Move on and forget about her...the future is in front of you, not behind you. I know and agree JW, although YS got a triple whammy here, and then cast aside as the bad guy...he still could be healing. Still trying to understand why his life changed so drastically. Wow, JW can you imagine... I've been through something similar and it is weird to say the least...you kind of just stand there going...no that just didn't happen....
pureinheart Posted August 6, 2010 Posted August 6, 2010 hopefully - you may never fully understand it... for that would mean you are selfish too. just because you don't understand it - doesn't mean you cant move forward. the more you concentrate on it = the more power you give to it... so stop giving it the power. give your time and energy to new hobbies - ones that keep you busy and happy... enough to not think at all about them and what they may or may not be doing. This is very insightful 2S...sometimes we just need to understand that there is no understanding...excellent Sunny...
Author YellowShark Posted August 6, 2010 Author Posted August 6, 2010 ((((((((((((YS)))))))))))...am so sorry this happened to you, wow...more big hugs for you.... Thanks. That's very kind of you to say that. I've been through something similar and it is weird to say the least...you kind of just stand there going...no that just didn't happen.... I am just thankful my son wasn't the one who saw them on our deck kissing that night. It could have easily been him that went to the kitchen to get a drink. That would have really messed my son's head up seeing that. Especially since my EX and I were together for seven years - (the EX was his step mother for over half his life! AND he knew MM very very well since he and his pregnant wife are - (were) - close good friends.)
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