Is it possible to forgive and forget?

[done'n'dusted]

My husband and I have been married for 26 yrs, have 4 grown children.

I left my marriage and home May 2009 due to what we know now to have been suffering a manic episode having since been diagnosed with manic depressive disorder (bipolar 1).

I have been in and out of hospital all 2010 with my husband being very supportive by still unable to say whether i am welcome back into our family home.

 

It has now been revealed he was having an affair with a woman that he works with. it started in 2006 and continued until late 2009.

 

I can't help but think his behaviour would have had an impact in my wellbeing.

 

I am so confused. Any opinions or advice welcomed.

 

Oh and ever since i found our about the affair, he is begging me to come home.

Edited August 5, 2010 by done'n'dusted
important info

[cookie2]

A 3 year affair! I would certainly not take him back.

[TaraMaiden]

The only way his affair would have impacted on your disorder was if you'd known about it and he flipped you over the edge.

 

I would give the (untrained, unqualified and completely amateur) opinion that:

You began suffering or manifesting symptoms of Bi-polar.

Nobody knew what the matter was.

He began an affair to find a release and relief from the obvious dysfunction at home.

He continued this affair for the period of time your condition was undiagnosed.

In May 2009, you left home.

support continued, but a return home was not a discussed option.

(this is probably because he had his mistress at the home, occasionally. I mean, it's possible, isn't it?)

Later in 2009, you were diagnosed.

Then, his affair came to light, but he now wants you back.

 

The two are separate issues, but he would probably give your condition as reason for his affair.

 

However, I don't think his affair is reason for your condition.

 

I do think his affair is most certainly not HELPING your condition.

 

What does your therapist/counsellor, say?

[aerogurl87]

3 years! Wow, you now if this would've been a one time deal I would've said forgiving and almost forgetting might be possible.... but 3 years! Nope I'd tell him he can stay gone.