angieg101 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 My Ex ended things between us almost 2 years ago because he felt that he was too busy for a relationship. I was cool with the break up--no hard feelings or anything like that. I really liked he guy but I wasn't ready to be intimate and after 6 months I think he couldn't deal with the no sex aspect of the relationship which was fine with me. Anyway, after the break up he still called/txt a couple times a month to see how I was doing. Over a course of 9 months we would meet up for dinner or a movie every once in a while. After some time we did become physical (no sex) and admitted that we both still had feelings for each other but the conversation sort of ended there. Shortly after the talk I moved out state for school and although he still kept in contact (he was always the one to initiate contact first) over time I heard less and less from him. During last Christmas break we were supposed to meet up to talk about us but things came up and we never got to see each other during the break. Shortly after New Years he called and we spoke on the phone briefly about normal life stuff and that was the last time I heard from him till now. A few months ago I heard he was dating someone he met back in January and now they are officially together. I figured that was why I hadn't heard from him. I personally am not in a relationship but I've been dating and doing my own thing while I'm at school so I wasn't bothered by his new relationship. Anyway, a couple weeks ago I received a text msg from him asking whether I was in town--which i was. We traded msgs until he finally said he wanted to see me. I was leaving for a trip the next day so we couldn't meet up. He ended up calling me the next day and we talked about what was going on in our lives and he finally told me about his new relationship. He continued to say that he wanted to see me when I got back in town. I really would like to see him but I've realized that I still have feelings for him. I'm not sure how he feels about me but he is in a relationship and that's what matters. We were not friends before we started dating and although we stayed in contact after the split our relationship wasn't completely platonic. Now I'm confused --why is he reaching out to me now after 7 months of nothing? Why does he want to see me? he has a girlfriend....... I'm throwing a fundraiser next week and apparently he is coming (no I didn't invite him). I was completely OK with the fact that he was in a relationship and somewhat out of my life but now he's back and he's not alone. I'm honestly not prepared to see him with another girl---I'm not sure I'm prepared to see him at all. Any advise on how I should handle this situation???? Why is he contacting me now? Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
6609510 Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 Since this benefit is sort of like a job, think of it in those terms. You are a professional, and you have to have your game face on. Be polite, be professional, and be busy. Do not make yourself too available to him, or to your own potential emotions about seeing him again. As far as why he's contacting you, could be a couple of things. He might just really want to be your good friend. He might regret the relationship ending and is thinking about you a lot too. It's also entirely possible he wants to try and get down your pants in spite of the fact he's seeing someone else. Just in case it's option 3 - keep a polite distance as long as he's seeing someone else. If you don't, you won't ever completely trust him as a lover or friend and that will only hurt any (even platonic) relationship you hope to have with him in the future.
Don Ho Posted August 7, 2010 Posted August 7, 2010 He is contacting you because you didn't set a clear boundary in the beginning and you let him just "see you" when he wanted. What do you do about the event? TAKE a date! I don't care if it's a friend, your GF's BF or whatever as long as your Ex doesn't know him. Then all you do is be cordial and smile. Have a drink before you go if you have to. Do not be alone with him and do not discuss anything. If you meet him/them just say "Hi, how are you? Nice to see you. Hey I've got to go over here and get xxx ready right now, talk to you later". That's it. Go on with your evening and let the "date" hang on you a little bit.
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