A girl wouldn't respond to a text after the 1st date if she wasnt interested right?

[PhillyDude]

I went out on a date last wednesday with a woman who is a doctor and since then I only sent 2 texts and called once. She responded to this text on sat morning

 

"on my way to six flags and I will call you later"

 

Her response was-"Have fun, ttyl"

 

I called on Monday and I got the voicemail and since then I made no attempts. So is it over? A girl wouldn't respond to a text unless she is interested in seeing me again right?

 

 

BTW: I didn't leave a message when I got the voicemail. I stopped leaving messages about 3 years ago.

[meerkat stew]

There are special rules for doctors, especially in some practices. For all you know, her VM may be screened and deleted by an assistant or an answering service. In your shoes, I'd try another text such as "when is a good time to reach you by phone?" If no response to that, it's not happening.

[USMCHokie]

So is it over? A girl wouldn't respond to a text unless she is interested in seeing me again right?

 

Less texting and more calling...and yes, a girl could certainly respond to a text message and not be interested...that's the problem with texting so early in the dating stages...texts are so easy and impersonal that a girl who isn't actually interested in you would have no problem firing off a few texts...now returning calls or talking on the phone, that's a different story...that takes a bit more effort and most people who aren't interested won't go to such lengths of contact...

 

Call again and if she doesn't answer, then actually leave a voicemail asking her to call you back...

 

 

BTW: I didn't leave a message when I got the voicemail. I stopped leaving messages about 3 years ago.

 

Huge fail. Calling and not leaving a voicemail is essentially sending a blank text message (for those who love the text message)... But to each their own.

[PhillyDude]

There are special rules for doctors, especially in some practices. For all you know, her VM may be screened and deleted by an assistant or an answering service. In your shoes, I'd try another text such as "when is a good time to reach you by phone?" If no response to that, it's not happening.

 

Ok i will try that and will send that text tomorrow. That will pretty much sum everything up for me

[sugarmomma]

try to lock in some plans also. if she flakes... u know the rest.

[that girl]

I think you created a situation where you could write her off as not interested.

 

You didn't leave a message when you called, but you think she should have called you back. That is a totally unrealistic expectation at this stage in your relationship. Lots of people take a missed call with no message as a sign that the person plans to call back. Hell, she might not have even put your number in her phone.

[zengirl]

I went out on a date last wednesday with a woman who is a doctor and since then I only sent 2 texts and called once. She responded to this text on sat morning

 

"on my way to six flags and I will call you later"

 

Her response was-"Have fun, ttyl"

 

I called on Monday and I got the voicemail and since then I made no attempts. So is it over? A girl wouldn't respond to a text unless she is interested in seeing me again right?

 

 

BTW: I didn't leave a message when I got the voicemail. I stopped leaving messages about 3 years ago.

 

1.) Not leaving messages (or at least texting afterwards to leave a "Hey tried to catch you" text in place of it) is lame. Sometimes caller I.D. works in place of it, but a lot of time, it doesn't.

1.a.) Having some philosophy that means you can't do a normal human thing like leave a voicemail when you call someone also strikes me as odd, personally.

 

2.) A text that short means absolutely nothing.

 

I really don't know if she likes you. You're likely going to have to call her again if you actually want to find out and maybe, if she doesn't pick up, [gasp] leave her a message.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I never return calls without a VM.

[carhill]

There are special rules for doctors, especially in some practices. For all you know, her VM may be screened and deleted by an assistant or an answering service. In your shoes, I'd try another text such as "when is a good time to reach you by phone?" If no response to that, it's not happening.

'Doc, I have this pain. Please call xxx-xxx-xxxx ASAP'

 

OP, other than a few guys I know who are about ready to retire, doctors are busy people. I couldn't imagine dating one. If you had the compatible energy style, you wouldn't have time to post in this forum *and* would have already asked out ten other women.

 

Next time, if you insist on dating high energy, busy people, schedule the *next* date while in person on the *current* date. Then flirt via your preferred medium 'I'm headed to six flags; so missing you on the water rides' bla bla and take it from there, only contacting sufficiently to facilitate the date. It's the personal time you spend with her face to face which generates further interest. When she's got her hands in a person's guts, she's not thinking of you, texts or VM's aside. She's in another world. Make the one she's in when you're together one she wants to get back to. Good luck

[SadandConfusedWA]

Carhill, how much contact should there be between two dates? Is a short e-mail a day enough? Is e-mail or two every second day enough?

 

I just don't know how much communication there should be in the first few weeks of dating.

[zengirl]

Carhill, how much contact should there be between two dates? Is a short e-mail a day enough? Is e-mail or two every second day enough?

 

I just don't know how much communication there should be in the first few weeks of dating.

 

Not carhill, but: If a fellow emailed me every day in the very beginning, I'd be a bit put off. Mostly, because it sounds exhausting to me. I think what he said is pretty sound. Personally, I like dates to be fairly close together if possible (not like every day, but if I really dig someone and have formed a connection with them, it usually seemed to get to the point where we were hanging out 3x a week fairly quickly, schedules allowing), but I hate all the needless every-minute contact between dates. Nobody is doing something every day that is that interesting. It's one thing when you're in a relationship that's fairly serious. Then, it becomes rather natural to talk every day (at least to me), but it just doesn't seem natural at first to have to hear from someone every day. It feels like filler.

[Sphere]

I'd chalk this one up as a loss and put her well and truly on the backburner. Find someone else and if she comes running back to you decided whether or not you want to continue dating her.

 

As the saying goes "Don't place all of your eggs into one basket".

[SadandConfusedWA]

Not carhill, but: If a fellow emailed me every day in the very beginning, I'd be a bit put off. Mostly, because it sounds exhausting to me. I think what he said is pretty sound. Personally, I like dates to be fairly close together if possible (not like every day, but if I really dig someone and have formed a connection with them, it usually seemed to get to the point where we were hanging out 3x a week fairly quickly, schedules allowing), but I hate all the needless every-minute contact between dates. Nobody is doing something every day that is that interesting. It's one thing when you're in a relationship that's fairly serious. Then, it becomes rather natural to talk every day (at least to me), but it just doesn't seem natural at first to have to hear from someone every day. It feels like filler.

 

But do you get together 3 times week after the first date? Or does that happen later? How often do you see somone in the first few weeks of dating?

[carhill]

IME, most of the single women my age are dealing with careers, children and/or grandchildren, caring for elderly parents, and, in general, are 'busy'. If I'm dating someone once a week, I'll call (no texts for me) once or twice between dates because I'm truly interested in how the daily 'stuff' is going. Every person is different. This kind of contact, proactively, is what I look for in a compatible partner. If they don't reciprocate or if I don't sense proactive interest, I just move on. No rancor, no threads on LS, just acceptance and on to the next potential. Some people like being joined at the hip. Some like only the absolute loosest of connections. I'm more toward the connected side of the middle point. I'm the same way with friends.

 

BTW, relevant to the OP, I only know a few doctors (not as a patient, but rather socially) and they all have private cell phones which aren't part of their practice/business. If I were dating one, that's their personal life, not business, so I'd expect to be calling that number. If other, next. I don't do 'secretaries'.

[zengirl]

But do you get together 3 times week after the first date? Or does that happen later? How often do you see somone in the first few weeks of dating?

 

It really depends, I guess. Generally, that pattern has emerged fairly quickly in some of my relationships. One right away, others a few weeks in.

 

The first few weeks. . . what carhill describes sounds about right, even though I'm in an entirely different age group. So maybe some things are universal. Maybe a date once a week and then a call or two in between. Texting and emails tend to drive me a bit batty when done ad nauseum as they so often are these days. A phone call feels less intrusive to me, honestly, if I'm actually interested in someone. Answering texts and emails feels like work!

 

I have seen a guy 3x the first week and had it become a relationship. I've also seen a guy 3x the entire first month and had it become a relationship. But daily emails sounds exhausting. It's not real-time interaction, and emails are best used to tell stories, etc. A phone call is still better for an actual date-substitute if it's a too-early or time issue. You can actually have a rapport, laugh with each other, etc, on the phone.

[PhillyDude]

But do you get together 3 times week after the first date? Or does that happen later? How often do you see somone in the first few weeks of dating?

 

There is no way in hell my account would allow me to see someone 3 times a week during the first weeks of dating.

[BobSacamento]

You told her you would call her later on Saturday...I guess technically Monday is later but if I received that message I would interpret it as later that day, as in Saturday night.

[Chinook]

Oh-kay, thinking back to dating Mr C.... he asked me out Friday. Texted Sunday to ask about dinner Monday evening (I replied to say I couldnt as I was busy - I was - it wasn't a game) but to let me get to work Monday and check the schedule for Tuesday. He texted Tuesday to ask about dinner that evening. That week we had dinner Tuesday, Thursday and went out with mutual (school) friends on Friday. The next week was pretty much the same.

 

The point being, if I wanted to see him, I replied and told him when to check in with me because I needed to check out my schedule first. In my experience, if someone is inherently busy, they will tell you so but would normally have the common courtesy to tell you when is best to contact - because they want you to. If I'm not into a guy, I normally reply to say I'm not interested. But I know from my girlfriends' experiences - often they will either avoid the issue or they will be 'busy'.

 

My golden rule with Mr C was, it should be easy. It was. It should be straight forward and simple. It was. Both of us should indicate whether we wish to proceed or not. We did. I know I make it sound incredibly easy... but it really was that easy and in my view if someone is into you and you're into them, it should be that simple. So... if you need to know, just text her and adk her directly 'I'd like to see you again, can you let me know if you'd also like to and when?' She can either answer 'no, thanks' or 'yes, but I'm busy, so I'll need to get back to you' or 'yes, that would be great xx xx xx date would be great'. If she gives you a date, great. If she wants to get back to you, leave it with her and if she doesn't get back to you... you know where you're at... she's avoiding. If she says no, well... she says no.

[carhill]

There is no way in hell my account would allow me to see someone 3 times a week during the first weeks of dating.

What does this mean?

 

3x a week might seem a lot to me, but, for some folks, it's 'normal' activity for a romantic 'connection'. Some people can't get enough of each other and are at that 'joined at the hip' end of the scale. We're all different.

[PhillyDude]

What does this mean?

 

3x a week might seem a lot to me, but, for some folks, it's 'normal' activity for a romantic 'connection'. Some people can't get enough of each other and are at that 'joined at the hip' end of the scale. We're all different.

 

 

Money, Money. Which would be way too much if I saw someone 3 times

[carhill]

Challenge: Exclusive of fuel for your car, try to go out three times in one week on 20 bucks. Get creative. If you are dating a wide number of potentials, it pays to be creative and frugal. It also weeds out Hoovers.

[zengirl]

Money, Money. Which would be way too much if I saw someone 3 times

 

You're spending too much money on dates then or dating the wrong folks. I think time is more the issue than money once you get to that point. If you're seeing the same person 3x a week, generally you know you dig each other. It's not the same as dating around.

[PhillyDude]

You're spending too much money on dates then or dating the wrong folks. I think time is more the issue than money once you get to that point. If you're seeing the same person 3x a week, generally you know you dig each other. It's not the same as dating around.

 

 

It would have to work it's way up to 3 times a week not right away because I'm on a budget

[zengirl]

It would have to work it's way up to 3 times a week not right away because I'm on a budget

 

Oh, of course. My 3x a week comment evolved in a subtopic from the conversation as SaC entered it. . . not a suggestion after a 1st date! My point was more by the time when loads of contact is needed. . . I'm usually seeing the person fairly frequently. That's been my experience.

[PhillyDude]

Well it appears that its over and I sent a text saying "what is the best time to reach u by phone". Her response was sorry my days are so long and I have to work all weekend.

So I'm not sending her any more texts. I'm done. And I'm not going to do what I did in the past and send a message like-"you like oral sex"

 

So my last question is why respond at all if she is not interested? Damm I hate dating