Ex-Contacted Me, but it's not what you think...

[boosh]

So I've been on NC with the ex for about 2 weeks now. It's gotten progressively easier to deal with emotions, and all that great stuff as the days mount. However, I got a call from the ex yesterday, which I didn't answer, and she left a voicemail. I listened to it, but it was all garbled and muted so I texted her back saying whatever she left on my voicemail was muted and I couldnt understand, so what did she want?

 

Turns out she was asking me to pay her back the money I owed her from a trip we took a few months ago because she needed it. I haven't responded yet. Normally I'd oblige as I do owe her the money, albeit not a significant amount ($100ish), but the way she asked was just so abrasive and harsh, that I just don't really care. No "Hi how are you?" or "Hi, just seeing how you were?" followed by asking, just "hi I need the money". Frankly it pissed me off.

 

Should I contact her or what should I do?

[listen_to_me_please]

mail her a money order.

keep the proof.

don't contact her.

 

i drew my ex's account negative on our break out of angry, i was giving her money. i fixed the problem.

 

in hindsight, i should of told her to eat **** and die then again it was my fault and i still loved her. if i could do it again, i would tell her eat **** and die.

 

its really up to you as to what you want to do, just think long term.

Edited August 5, 2010 by listen_to_me_please

[cookie2]

I don't know your history I'm afraid, but if you were in a "money-sharing" situation whereby you'd both spend money as if it were joint money, then you could just say it was joint expenditure. If you still thought of it as "your money" and "her money" then first think if there are any other owings, either her to you or you to her, and send her the total money (with proof) and get back to NC.

[TaraMaiden]

In all probability, she was being abrasive in an attempt to prevent you reading anything into her contacting you, as an ulterior motive, or as a way back in...

 

I would guess being abrasive and rude is unusual behaviour, in comparison to what you knew of her in the past, (could be wrong) but I think she was being deliberately harsh to let you know in no uncertain terms, that she has no intention of even giving you the remotest hint of a 'second chance' regardless of what you would do with that.

 

Just mail her a cheque, and have done with it.

Keep the mail receipt, or make a direct transfer money order....

[spyyder]

She's asking you to reimburse her for a trip when YOU WERE TOGETHER?!?!?!?? That is just terrible. She must be a terrible person to ask this. You should ask her if she's going to give back everything you gave/spent on her, as well as the broken pieces of your heart as well. Since your the guy, I'm assuming you spent more on her than she on you during your relationship.

 

Although it's only $100 or so, its not about the money, its about the principle! Tell her to **** off.

 

If I asked my ex gf to reimburse me for everything I bought/spent on her it would be approaching the 5 figure mark, and I'm only 22. Do you see me asking for any of that back??? No. If I had money problems I still wouldn't, even if she was the one that broke up with me. Tell your ex to **** off, and say why.

Edited August 5, 2010 by spyyder

[cdt76]

Yeah, tell her to suck it and die. Actually, don't even respond. No response. No check. No money, no nothing. She gets nothing. NOTHING! She doesn't deserve a response at all. Into the wind she goes. Keep your money and your dignity.

[TaraMaiden]

She's asking you to reimburse her for a trip when YOU WERE TOGETHER?!?!?!?? That is just terrible. She must be a terrible person to ask this. You should ask her if she's going to give back everything you gave/spent on her,.....

 

yeah, but hang on....boosh does admit the following......

 

....Turns out she was asking me to pay her back the money I owed her from a trip we took a few months ago because she needed it. I haven't responded yet. Normally I'd oblige as I do owe her the money,

 

Twice, he's admitted it's a debt he did state he would repay, so it's not unusual for people to ask a debt to be repaid, no matter what the cirumstances it was loaned under....Anybody lending money has a right to be repaid, no matter who they are, or what has happened.

 

boosh is admitting this.

 

His 'gripe' was not that she asked for the money back.

His gripe was her tone.

 

Focus, people.....

[Chinook]

Uhm actually, I disagree (with the don't pay her back posts). If it's an agreement you guys made at the time, you both pay to go on a trip and you effectively still owe her outstanding cash, pay her the money and have done with it. No response required. Just mail it to her direct with no communications etc. Otherwise, you leave her a reason to contact you again.

[boosh]

So just to update this situation, as I hadn't been paying attention to the thread.

 

Initially I was of the mindset of not paying her, not to spite her, but because frankly like someone said above, we both spent plenty of money on each other, so it's not like someone had spent x amount of cash on the other, while the other person just freeloaded. Nothing even close to that.

 

I promised her on our trip I'd pay her back. The only reason she was paying for everything was because we were with a few other people and just putting everything on one bill, one credit card, etc. was far easier than carrying around wads of cash all the time. I just don't feel good going back on my word like that, as much as I wanted to given the situation.

 

Prior to her contacting me, the last interaction we had was a series of about 5-6 emails for a few days after we broke up, when I had lost it emotionally and did every possible wrong thing after a breakup. I wasn't comfortable with myself knowing that would have been my lasting image to her. Not because I specifically wanted her back (I did/do), but because it just wasn't who I was.

 

So I wrote her a check, and a note, a note explaining how after stepping back and taking a few weeks to think about everything (remember this was 2-3 weeks after the initial breakup), that everything she had said as reasons for ending things was correct. I'm not just agreeing with her either, she is right. I put the note and check in an envelope and instead of mailing it, dropped it off at her apartment's mailbox, as it sounded like she needed the money ASAP.

 

Well in my awesome luck she just happened to be there as I dropped it off. As much as I wanted to just bolt, I couldn't. She asked if I'd like to come up and talk, and I obliged. We talked for about an hour, and to be honest, it was soothing and extremely helpful. I left feeling better about myself, because it felt like we both understood the situation and why things needed to happen the way they did. I felt like it allowed me to break through that first, toughest barrier on the road to healing myself.

 

We talked the next night on FB about some non-related things. She went to bed but asked if I wanted to come over Friday after work to finish our conversation in person from the other night, which again I obliged. We talked for another our about our situations, how we were feeling, and we both agreed that for both of our sakes that going NC for a few months was the way to go. We both needed to heal. We also left the door open for possibly reconciliation and reunitement down the road based on how we were feeling, as it's not like we lost our feelings for each other overnight, or over the span of a few weeks.

 

So now here I am, with 1 week of NC after this event under my belt, and genuinely feeling a lot better about myself. Even if there;s some momentary lapses in jealousy on my part of what seemingly seems like a new guy in her life.

 

The process of moving on and moving forward with life is really finally beginning to take shape, and I am 110% behind that. Things are finally beginning to look up after what seemed like a dreadful 3 week span.