yume Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Say you're in a relationship. How much time do you spend with your SO (how many times a week do you see each other)?How often are you in contact? Do you speak on the phone everyday/night? Do you text/email/facebook/whatever & how often?Do you want to spend lots of time with your SO or are you perfectly ok if you don't speak every day? (gauge your independence within your relationship) I'm just trying to get a feel for whats 'normal' because I'm not so sure what is. I was in a LDR for 2 years and that was speaking on the phone every day, without fail, until we saw each other again (and obviously when we did see each other we were attached at the hip). It's also been the same for the last two people I've dated - speaking every day (texting/phone calls) if we don't see each other. Hanging out would be about 2-3 times a week. In talking with one of my friends today, she told me that she doesn't speak to her boyfriend every day (not even a text?) and is ok with it. She said "I know today I won't end up calling him tonight - I don't see myself doing so - but he will call me every so often just to chat, that sort of thing." And they hang out about 2 times a week. I then went on to explain to her how I spoke on the phone with my ex-ex every night for at least an hour (even if we had seen each other that day too), and it was constant texting with my more recent ex. I'm thinking to myself right now that the next relationship I have, I'm not sure if I want the constant contact thing again...but then...if it's someone you care about...shouldn't you want to be talking to them/be around them as much as you want (or can)? I guess everyone has different needs...
MisUnderstanding Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I think you just should do whatever fits your relationship. Some people like little to no contact between dates, while others like to keep in touch often.
Mike B. Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 There is no clear quantifiable amount to spend with each other. It's a balancing act of spending enough time to satisfy your emotional and physical needs while knowing when to give someone and yourself space. Often the two are not in alignment and this is when things get tricky. A comedian once said that you get sick of someone when you have heard every thing they have had to say and it gets to a point when just hearing them say anything makes you sick to your stomach. You probably want to avoid that point.
make me believe Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 How much time do you spend with your SO (how many times a week do you see each other)? We see each other all weekend, and usually 1 or 2 days during the week. He works from 3-11 and I'm not much of a night owl so weekdays are harder, but I usually stay over at his place 1 night or go over 1 or 2 days for a few hours before he goes to work. How often are you in contact? Do you speak on the phone everyday/night? Do you text/email/facebook/whatever & how often? We text a lot throughout the day & usually talk on the phone on the days that we don't see each other. We don't do marathon 3 hour phone conversations, though. I'm not big on talking on the phone, so it's usually 30 minutes or less. Do you want to spend lots of time with your SO or are you perfectly ok if you don't speak every day? I don't need to be in constant contact with my boyfriend, but I would DEF not be ok going a day without talking to him at all. I think that's kinda strange unless you're in the very beginning of the relationship. Once a couple becomes exclusive I think daily contact via phone or at least text is pretty much expected. Whatever works for your relationship, though!
Shakz Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 There is no clear quantifiable amount to spend with each other. It's a balancing act of spending enough time to satisfy your emotional and physical needs while knowing when to give someone and yourself space. Often the two are not in alignment and this is when things get tricky. A comedian once said that you get sick of someone when you have heard every thing they have had to say and it gets to a point when just hearing them say anything makes you sick to your stomach. You probably want to avoid that point. Amen to that. We spend weekends together, although not always the whole weekend. We usually do something fun that doesn't always involve alot of conversation. We talk on the phone almost everyday, once a day. We almost never E-mail or other. We live 40 miles away. We've been together about two months. We're middle-aged.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 It depends on the week and our schedules, honestly. We always talk to each other at least five minutes a day to ask basics of how the other person is doing and what's going on with their lives at the moment and make plans about when we'll speak again. But some weeks we spend practically straight with one another and other weeks, we only talk five minutes a day the whole time. This week is one of the five minutes a day weeks, which doesn't bother me really as long as that's not every week. Also, when one of us goes on vacation without the other one, then we usually don't speak for most of it. When my boyfriend went on a two week vacation to see his extended family this year, when his grandfather died, I believe I got two to three calls from him in total the entire fourteen days. It's really about maintaining a balance and finding what that balance is. Every week isn't going to be the same and we're going to have different needs/schedules every week.
BubbleFreak Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Say you're in a relationship. How much time do you spend with your SO (how many times a week do you see each other)?How often are you in contact? Do you speak on the phone everyday/night? Do you text/email/facebook/whatever & how often?Do you want to spend lots of time with your SO or are you perfectly ok if you don't speak every day? (gauge your independence within your relationship) I'm just trying to get a feel for whats 'normal' because I'm not so sure what is... I think "normal" is what you and your partner make of it. Whatever feels natural to you given your circumstances. To answer your specific questions: My bf and I see each other around 4 times in an average week. We are in contact with each other as often as possible, which means texting or going on MSN while doing other things. And we always want to spend time with each other. When we say goodbye to each other we are already planning when we will see each other again.
noctone Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I'm beating what is already a dead horse here, but "normal" is whatever works for you and your significant other. My girlfriend and I have been together for just over four months now and, aside from when one or both of us is out of town for a personal or business trip, we've seen each other pretty much every day since day one. We talk by text and/or phone every day, regardless of whether we're both home. And for all practical purposes we live together. I wouldn't expect this to necessarily work for every couple, though. It almost didn't work for us - my girlfriend typically saw her past boyfriends only once or twice per week MAX, and she almost freaked out when we started spending so much time together. But then I went out of town for a week for a business trip and it made her realize just how much she liked having me around. A big part of what makes it work for us is that, even though we see each other every day, we still do our own things and respect each other's need for physical and mental space.
SassyKitten Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 What's very important is that you have an explicit verbal agreement with your partner on what is normal and works for you. Otherwise, extremely nasty fights happen!
phineas Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 When I was dateing my STBXW nobody texted. But, she called me WAY too much in the begining. I was renovating my house & she started to get annoying. I told her. She adjusted. I'd see her maybe once during the week & then she'd spend the weekend at my place. She'd stay at my house if I had a guys night out thing. We talked a few nights week also if we hadn't seen each other. Now, i have two kids half the week. 2 & 4. I can't talk on the phone for long if their with me & awake. They won't let you do it. I can text if were not playing & just watching a movie on TV though. The next woman I date needs to understand that. I've met a few women that don't have kids or even a pet that just didn't get it. And got pissy because I couldn't talk or hang out last minute because I have kids.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 Wow, I can't handle the few times per week thing. I would ideally see someone 1-2x per week and stay in touch (at least via text or e-mail) once a day. I need a lot of my own time/space. The thing is, guys that want the same as me are not serious about me. Typically, when a guy is strongly interested in me, he wants to see me at least 3x a week and wants to talk on the phone every day. And this makes me run for the hills. I need to find a guy that is strongly interested and happy to only see me 1-2x per week,
Ophelia11 Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I have been seeing my bf since late March. We "dated" for a couple months until I introduced him to my kids. Once that happened, things got more serious. Now I see him pretty much everyday for some amount of time---the quantity depends since he works different shifts. We talk and text while he is a work and if he is not on midnights, he usually sleeps over. My kids don't know this since he is gone before they wake. We are pretty much together the entire time my kids are with their dad. However, since he works and I don't I feel like I get a break. He seems to want to spend his free time with me. I like it .
kalikula Posted August 5, 2010 Posted August 5, 2010 I haven't had a boyfriend in quite some time, but ideally I would like daily communication and to see each other a lot if we live close... Every day or every other day wouldn't even bother me. Although I'd like to be spending some of that time with other friends as well (his or mine), not all one on one time.
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